studioe109's journal

Remember the Truth!

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 24, 2010
  • 2 replies
  • A hostile heart failure coupe has taken my identity, disrupted my life's purpose and undermined my self-worth. It was a fast and incredibly effective onset and in a state of upheaval and disbelief, I ...

The Student is Ready

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 21, 2010
  • 0 replies
  • This failing heart tries to convince me that I no longer have the strength or courage to accomplish a significant life. I need to recognize that these times can be my best teacher. If I can transform ...

Look Out! Pity Party in Progress

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 19, 2010
  • 4 replies
  • Life is throwing curves, one after another. Finances, family and home hurl crisis after crisis. I long for normalcy but find myself in situation after situation that can best be labeled as uncharted lunacy ...

Just Keep Swimming

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 17, 2010
  • 4 replies
  • I am a Florida girl, one of the few born and bred in the sunshine state. Our typical TV weather always include coastal ocean reports, not just the normal tidal information and water conditions for boaters ...

Thanks for the Creative Encouragement!

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 16, 2010
  • 4 replies
  • I was nervous, excited, and outrageously overwhelmed, but screwed up my courage and with the help of 6 other magnificent women artist forged ahead. There was a nice crowd at the gallery opening, and so ...

Putting it Out There!

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 14, 2010
  • 5 replies
  • As a traveling outdoor art festival artist, you can imagine how my life changed post MI. Actually, the economy had already done a number on it; the heart attack finished it off. I miss my gypsy life ...

I Have to Suceed

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 7, 2010
  • 1 reply
  • Does it really it matter where I look for success? Doctors, family, God, friends or self, as long as I find the courage to emotionally succeed! "You know, I had to succeed because I finally ran out of ...

Understanding (or the lack there of)

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 6, 2010
  • 7 replies
  • It took some time to wrap my head around this physical situation and I will freely admit, there are days that the simple medical explanations still escape my understanding. However, the understanding ...

A Fine Line

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 5, 2010
  • 4 replies
  • There is a fine line between reality and depression! The trick is to figure exactly where that line is and then precariously balance my life on it. Just like an acrobatic tightrope walker, I am hoping ...

Expectations

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 4, 2010
  • 9 replies
  • I expected doctors to respect and care about me. I expected medications to improve quality of life, not just add to the length of the disease. I expected emotional support to accept and cope with a terminal ...

Afraid of Failure

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 3, 2010
  • 4 replies
  • I wonder how much depression I endure simply because I am afraid of failure. My unconscious plan to protect myself from failure was wonderfully simple. Do not attempt normal (pre heart attack) life! It ...

A Change in Beliefs, I Am Fine (just a little slower)

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 2, 2010
  • 2 replies
  • I am finding that my best prescription does not come from a pill bottle! I do not need a doctors prescription or another trip to the pharmacy. All I need is a change in beliefs! My heart is doing the ...

Less than I Expected

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted August 1, 2010
  • 4 replies
  • A year ago, I did not think about what I expected from my life, but I am certain it was not this. In addition to dealing with this physical disease, I am grieving the loss of the life I expected even ...

Pursuing Passion

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted July 31, 2010
  • 1 reply
  • The house chores are woefully behind, the pantry shelves are chronically empty, the exterior house paint is peeling and the yard is full of weeds, so how could I possibly find the energy and inspiration ...

Road Signs

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted July 30, 2010
  • 3 replies
  • I believe the understanding that brings me peace will not mysteriously appear out of thin air. My peace will not come from doctors, pastors or the people I love so dearly, although that is how I thought ...

Ordinary Miracles

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted July 29, 2010
  • 6 replies
  • I find the chronic exhaustion and constant need to stop, slow down and rest as the most unfamiliar and frustrating part of this situation. I resent the inescapable down times. However, I am beginning ...

The Enigma

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted July 28, 2010
  • 2 replies
  • Heart disease is a physical and emotional wound wrapped in one diagnosis. The medical industry embraces a wealth of treatments for the physical heart that cannot heal, yet nothing for the emotional heart ...

For Every Action

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted July 27, 2010
  • 2 replies
  • Great emotional comfort often comes from the strangest places! Physical Science 101 and Newtons Law gave way to a gem of inspiration as I was meditating this morning. "For every action there is an equal ...

The Emotional Loop

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted July 25, 2010
  • 10 replies
  • I am desperately trying to move though my own grief. I have done denial, extremely well I might add but I am struggling with consistent acceptance. I manage acceptance admirably for short periods of time ...

Writing Has Been a Great Comfort

studioe109
  • By studioe109 · Posted July 23, 2010
  • 0 replies
  • There have been (and I am certain will continue to be) times that I desperately needed some one to share the roller coaster feelings of this disease. The anonymity of this blog gave me the courage to ...

Things you can do