Not too inspiring

I want to see if someone has been through something similare after transplant. I met my fiancee 3 years after transplant ..I still have rejection and developed kidney disease from the medications but I am still doing much better. My fiance has always told me he is fine with my illness and he will always be there for me and would never leave me because of it. we got engaged in October and I have been planning our wedding. A few days ago he told me that he has decided that he wants to find someone to grow old with and as he researched and he was explained in the beginning by his mother and I that the life span of a transplant patient is not forever but people are staring to live longer with them. He also said now he wants kids and I have told him since the beginning I can't have children for a few reasons. He said that was fine and he didn't want kids and doesn't even like kids..he told me this for 2 years and then the other day decided he wants kids and he wants someone to grow old with and in his eyes because of my illness that person can't be me even though he loves me. He said he would be willing to adopt but does not think I would be a suitable mother because of my transplant and said he is positive between that and him being military that we would be turned down by adoption anyway. I love him so much and I don't know what to do. I know he is depressed right now also.. he has been since he started taking champex to quit smoking but he refuses to believe that is effecting his moods at all. He does not move off the couch or do anything since he has been on this medication. I don't know if I should just leave so he can find someone to have all of this with or stick by him while he goes to counseling to decide whether or not I am worth staying around for. I am so afraid of losing him. I think who is going to want someone in their early thirties, living with their parents, has a chronic illness and is emotionally scarred from having people leave me twice because they decide that this path of being with someone with a shorter life span so they say is scary to them. I wish he would have told me this 2 years ago when we started the relationship. he said he has known for a long time but thought he would get through it. We start counseling today but I am not sure how that will go. i am so scared of losing him. I am also scared that maybe he is going through a mid life crsisis and has no idea what he wants, I am scared that it may be associated with PTSD and with the medication he is on to quit smoking... I am more scared that it is none of these things and he has someone else in mind to have kids with and someone he is convinced will licve forever. there are no guarantees in life. I am sure we can all relate to that. If anyone can help me I would really appreciate it. My message is all over the place cause I am a complete mess and haven't stopped crying in 3 days. Please if anyone has been through something similar or has words of encouragement I would appreciate it. I moved away from my family and friends to be with him when he was posted out so i don't have many resources here.

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I wonder too if your BF is having mental issues due to the use of Chantix, I think I recall a TV commercial stating that it can cause depression. And is his PTSD related to military involvement? Too bad he is unwilling to seek help for this.. it is what is necessary

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I have wondered that as well and have brought it up to him. We went and saw a therapist together and he said he wants to try to work through it and all these great things about me and then that night he said he just can't accept that "there is a 40% chance that in 5 years I will be burying my wife" he said. he is going by stats from the heart and stroke foundation website. He said he has felt like this for a long time and he thought it would go away but it won't and he wants to find someone to grow old with. I tried talking to him about the champix and so did his mom and the theraist..the mix of it with ptsd (yes, related to the military). He refuses to believe that this has anything to do with it and said he will go to counseling on his own for help with the losses in his life but he can't be with me knowing that the stats are so high. I hope he does get the help he needs to deal with his fears of loss.

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I am currently trying to get on the transplant list myself! My husband of twenty years has been going thru his own emotional issues but he's ALSo been terrified of seeing me in " this" condition! I got an Lvad in June & since them my quality of life has improved incredibly but life is still series of doctors appts etc...& we haven't seen each other since before my surgery,j,, hopefylly I will see him soon & things will work out but in meantime extra stress & lack of support from hin is heartbreaking ....my point is I can't imagine how you feel but I'm sure it is heartbreaking for you,.?.........." good news" I now several people who have tried quitting. Smoking with champex and became so depressed they almost wound up in the psych ward! PTSD is a heavy emotional burden as well ..I've been in counselling myself for first time in my life this past year & it's done wonders........I hope this helps you a little bit & I hope everything works out for you! Xo

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Hi I took off to Calgary for a few days and it's been busy. I want to be able to take the time to write back personally so I will do that as soon as I have noone around me out here or when I get back. I just don't you to think I am just not replying. I am looking forward to being able to write back soon :)

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No worries!

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