I want to see if someone has been through something similare after transplant. I met my fiancee 3 years after transplant ..I still have rejection and developed kidney disease from the medications but I am still doing much better. My fiance has always told me he is fine with my illness and he will always be there for me and would never leave me because of it. we got engaged in October and I have been planning our wedding. A few days ago he told me that he has decided that he wants to find someone to grow old with and as he researched and he was explained in the beginning by his mother and I that the life span of a transplant patient is not forever but people are staring to live longer with them. He also said now he wants kids and I have told him since the beginning I can't have children for a few reasons. He said that was fine and he didn't want kids and doesn't even like kids..he told me this for 2 years and then the other day decided he wants kids and he wants someone to grow old with and in his eyes because of my illness that person can't be me even though he loves me. He said he would be willing to adopt but does not think I would be a suitable mother because of my transplant and said he is positive between that and him being military that we would be turned down by adoption anyway. I love him so much and I don't know what to do. I know he is depressed right now also.. he has been since he started taking champex to quit smoking but he refuses to believe that is effecting his moods at all. He does not move off the couch or do anything since he has been on this medication. I don't know if I should just leave so he can find someone to have all of this with or stick by him while he goes to counseling to decide whether or not I am worth staying around for. I am so afraid of losing him. I think who is going to want someone in their early thirties, living with their parents, has a chronic illness and is emotionally scarred from having people leave me twice because they decide that this path of being with someone with a shorter life span so they say is scary to them. I wish he would have told me this 2 years ago when we started the relationship. he said he has known for a long time but thought he would get through it. We start counseling today but I am not sure how that will go. i am so scared of losing him. I am also scared that maybe he is going through a mid life crsisis and has no idea what he wants, I am scared that it may be associated with PTSD and with the medication he is on to quit smoking... I am more scared that it is none of these things and he has someone else in mind to have kids with and someone he is convinced will licve forever. there are no guarantees in life. I am sure we can all relate to that. If anyone can help me I would really appreciate it. My message is all over the place cause I am a complete mess and haven't stopped crying in 3 days. Please if anyone has been through something similar or has words of encouragement I would appreciate it. I moved away from my family and friends to be with him when he was posted out so i don't have many resources here.