My mother passed away from scleroderma almost 4 years ago. She was diagnosed when I was 3. I never knew what a healthy mom was like. The older I got, the more sick she got. I took on a lot of responsibilities and tried balancing cooking, cleaning, homework, going out with friends, etc. By the time I reached 18 my mother really started to decline. She couldn't breathe very well and any activity totally exhausted her. I had come to the realization that she would never see me get married or have children. After 18, 21 came around quickly. At this point she was in a wheel chair and couldn't walk 3 feet without being completely out of breath.
At the age 23, after a slow drawn out hospital stay that was horrible for us to watch and her to go through, she left us, she was 50. My world came down and the one person I needed most in this world was gone. I was right...she wouldn't be here to see me get married or have children. I didn't know what to do, I was broken, I was angry.
Since then I got married and had a daughter of my own. Since birth she has been the most pleasant baby, so pleasant in fact that people are always in disbelief that she is always so mild tempered and calm...but she is. My mom gave me the best gift any one could give me. She gave my daughter everything that was good in her. I now get to wake up everyday and not only see my daughter, but I get to see my mother too!
I hope that this little blurb offers some comfort to some one. I know the road you may be traveling on isn't easy and it won't get easier quickly. Little by little you will heal and things that you never thought you'd feel again will come back.
All of my love and support - Melissa