Lost my mum to OVCA

Hi I am new to this site. I joined seeking support after losing my mum to ovarian cancer last year. She was dx with stage 3C only 4 months before she died. She had a debulking surgery and got through 2 rounds of chemo. How she died was really traumatic in that she fainted, woke up and then said she didn't feel good and she was going to die, then she passed out and again and fluid came through her nostrils and she eventually stopped breathing while we were waiting on an ambulance . I am not sure exactly what caused her death and it makes me feel guilty for not doing certain things. Like sometimes I think it's the ascites that may have drowned her and it hurts that I didn't press her more to drain her stomach. Also my country was not getting the carbo drug for her 2nd round of chemo and the doctor gave her another drug and I don't know if this poisoned her. But I also feel guilt in leaving my mother just after her surgery tobe with my husband who worked abroad he was missing his son. And when I returned I only spent a month with her before she died. But I had my father and four other siblings caring for her. Does anyone else feel guilt after losing someone?

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i'm so sorry you had to go thru that. It is normal for people to sometimes feel guilty when someone close to them dies. It's about thinking we have control,which we simply don't. Let yourself grieve but learn to realize that it is the intentions that matter. You intended all the best for your mom but in the end, fate, god or whatever you believe in intervened and you were not able to take another path. Even some docs have trouble with guilt when they lose a patient. Most everyone does try their best but there are so many variables on whether a patient can respond to treatment or not.

It really has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do for her. I'm sure your mom would want you to remember the nice times and go on with a good life in her honor. I sincerely hope you find the peace you need on this matter.

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Thank you for the encouragement rabbitgal

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There's not much to add to what Rabbitgal has said, except to echo that this disease affects everyone differently. While we share the same basic dx, OVCA, (and there are several types) each case is unique in the way it will respond to surgery, chemo and all other variables. There really isn't anything for you to feel guilty about. Grieve, yes, allow yourself that. But the guilt? It's useless, and in your case I really don't think it's applicable.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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I am so sorry for your loss too. There is nothing you could have done differently. There was obviously some complication that not even your doctors could know was about to occur. Try to think of the good times and be kind to yourself.

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you sound like a MOST Caring Daughter - I'm sure your mom knew that - be good to yourself

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Everybody with a heart and soul feels guilty when someone they love passes on. There is nothing you could have done to save her. Now she is at peace and no pain. Remember the good times. God bless you.

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Thank you all for kind words of support. But isn't it terrible that I left my mother in her time of need?

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No, mother's know their children have lives to live as well. As a Mom you may want your children close, but you know they grow up and have lives of their own. Also to go in 4 months is really quickly you had no way of knowing how short the time would be.

Do not beat yourself up.

Hugs
SueB

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Thank you sue

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So sorry to hear this. I know that you must have been a comfort for her.

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