Lost and Confused

Hello Fighters, This is my first post and I would like to send out my love and admiration for all you fighting women. What you are going through - your struggles and pain, I can only imagine, and I wish you nothing but strength and positive energy.
I am a male - 30 years old, but maybe 16 at heart. My mother was diagnosed with stage 3C ovarian exactly 3 years ago, on mothers day. How Ironic. She was given toxil and carbo,and was in remission for a bit over a year and a half. late last year, she had a recurrence, which was treated with taxotere and carbo, to which she had a great response as well, but only a few short months passed until another recurrence. She started on Doxil a few weeks ago, and a day after her first dose, she was hospitalized. Her symptoms included vomiting, bloating, and abdominal pain. She has been in the hospital for a bit over 2 weeks, and is on a PIC line because she cannot eat. There is no bowel obstruction, but as the doctors explained to me, the cancerous fluids/tissue is pressing against her intestine/stomach area making it impossible for food to go through. The doctors say there is nothing they can do, except for letting the chemo take its course. The problem now is that in her current state, chemo cannot really be administered. Today the hospital is planning to move her into a hospice, that is connected to a hospital.
Ladies, please tell me - what do I have to prepare for? Is this the begining of the end? I try to be a very positive person when I can, and be hopeful, But I am also a realist and need to be prepared for any situation. My mother is single, so her situation and care is in my supervision, and my grandmother has Alzheimers and her care and well being is now under my care as well.
I am just so in awe, that just 3 weeks ago, my mother was around and about, feeling well. and now, she is in pain and bloated. Some guidance, or at least maybe a suggestion of a professional to speak to would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you, and always keep fighting.

Report post

9 replies. Join the discussion

Dear Lost,
Thank you for sharing this difficult journey with us. As a fellow caretaker to someone with this disease, I understand how you feel, and as the loved one who has to make the tough decisions, I know the weight of this responsibility. You are in the right place, and I am so glad you have found us.

I am not an MD, so I can not tell you if the decisions being made in her treatment are good or not. I can tell you that my role as advocate with the medical team is the second most important role I have (just behind that of loving spouse, or son or daughter). Is her doc a Gynocologic Oncologist? If not, try to have her seen by one. A second opinion is always a good idea and can assure you that correct decisions have been made.

Hospice is a wonderful service that can bring you, and your mom, strength and compassion at the end stage of her life.
Know that you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.

Report post

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I'd ask them to drain her fluid and see if that can help her get past this. I also want to point out that I've been X-rayed for bowel obstruction before (belly film not a ct) and they told me there was nothing there. Later when a more experienced person read the x-ray they told me there was indeed an obstruction...get it checked again...just sayin'

All the best to both of you.

Report post

Hello Jazz,
Thank you for your reply. Her main doctor is a ob/gyn and a oncologist. He is quite unique due to his specialty in both situations.
Mom is ready to give up, but after consultation from the doctor, and friends in the medical profession, it seems as thou it is too early.
I am heading to speak to her now, maybe we can buy some more time.

Thank you all for your care, and my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Report post

Draining the fluid (ascites) is only a temporary solution. It doesn't deal with the cause and that appears to be that she could be in the final stages. My daughter went through similar circumstances, i.e., being well then all of a sudden taking a turn for the worse. Doctors generally know when the time has passed to treat the disease. But I wouldn't give up hope and would ask them to take steps to make her feel more comfortable.
Not being able to eat also poses a problem to her health. Have you asked about a feeding tube. I think trying to stabilize your mom will hopefully give her/you some time to look at any options.
My belief is you fight this thing until the end, but you have to abide by the wishes of the patient.
God bless you and your mom.

Report post

Please have your Mom's Oncologist take a closer look for a blockage. The symptoms she is having indicates this.

It would be most relieving for your mother to have the fluid drained from her abdomen even in her last stages. I'm afraid often one can be feeling reasonable well and suddenly a problem can become very serious quickly.

Draw on all the support you can get for yourself and your Mom.

You sound like a very caring son and you Mom is fortunate for that.

All the best.

Report post

Thank you everyone for your words and support. This is the
Most difficult thing I have ever dealt with. I'm trying to b supportive of her decision to go to hospice
But I feel like since there is a tiny chance she can get out of this, I will not be able to live with myself
If I don't beg her to get back to the hospital to get more scans and perhaps carry on with trestment. Is there a
Support team I could speak with in order to get good advice? Just hearing that "have to go with patients wishes" is no comfort. Doc told me that he has seen patients come out of this situation. Maybe the % Is in the single digits but its still not a zero.
I'm afraid if this carries on and after she passes I will not forgIve myself . I will make another pOst tomorrow cuz I am medicated and half askeep now. I would like to find someone who is/was in my exact situation and get advice. Love you all. This site is amazing and I praise your strength !!!!

Report post

Dear Lost,
TRY to stay positive...it isn't easy, so DO get all the support you can...friends, American Cancer Society, whatever you can find....
Your mom will be able to make better decisions for herself if she is NOT in pain...recheck for obstruction, and/or get fluid drained...

Mostly, I just felt compelled to reach out to you to give you hope, even though I am not in your situation, I hope you find the peace you are seeking, and others in your same situation will reach out to you! God bless you and your family!

Report post

Thank you so much survivo, best of luck to you as well. my prayers are with you.

Report post

I want to also tell you not to give up. Making your mother more comfortable, drain fluid, pain meds, whatever, would probably go a long way to help her feel like continuing the fight.

It is an extremely difficult and sad position you are in and my prayers are with you.


Report post

This discussion is closed to replies. We close all discussions after 90 days.

If there's something you'd like to discuss, click below to start a new discussion.

Things you can do

Support OCNA

Help the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance reach its goals and support people like yourself by making a donation today.

Donate to the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance

Discussion topics

Support OCNA

Donate to OCNA

Community leaders