My 36 year old daughter moved in with my brother in another state about 10 days ago. She is now 8-10 hours away from me. We (the family) thought that maybe others in the family, particularly my brother, could help her get own her feet and start a new life not so dependent on me. We are extremely bonded as I raised her by myself and we are just close. What goes along with this is that she knows what buttons to push to make me jump when she wants something and how to make me feel guilty to get what she wants. She is very manipulative as many people with bipolar or mental health issues are. She is also ADHD and has been all of her life. Now, as an adult, it seems to affect her even more severely.
She is on disability (SSDI) and we are trying to help her get part time work and help her get back in school. She wants to work and get out of the system if she can. We all thought this move would help her. She has pretty much burned her bridges here so the change should be a good one.
She was doing well at my brother's until yesterday (day 9 after I had left her). She has been in severe pain with fibromyalgia and is awaiting being accepted into a pain center by referral from her rheumatologist. She began by focusing on her pain and it escalated into a full blown bipolar episode where she was somewhat not in touch with reality and feeling very persecuted by the other family members. She told my mother that I had sent her toher house to ask for pain meds. I had suggested that she go see my mom (lives next door to brother) about pain help but not her pain medicine, just something like Aleve, Advil,etc. When my mom asked me if I had sent her to ask for a pain pill I said no. But, by this time it had been all misunderstood. Now the family believes she is drug seeking, and lying to get drugs from family members.
My mother flew off the handle and told her according to my daughter, "we're trying to help you, and if you are going to come over here and lie to me, you can pack your bags and go home". My daughter was hurt beyond belief and she went into hysteria that led to her wanting to move to New Orleans or Houston immediately. The whole family is in an uproar not knowing what to do and they called in a Social Worker for advice. My daughter would not accept an apology from my mother and is being very dramatic and hysterical about the whole situation. I couldn't calm her down and she feels the whole family is against her. This went on all day long into the late evening. I finally got her to agree to give it some more time. I told her she cannot come back here and run away from every problem that may come her way.
She is still totally upset and hurt. I don't know what to do at this point. I want to support my daughter but feel she is wrong to not be willing to discuss the problem with the other family members especially her grandmother. I'm afraid that my daughter's problems are too much for my family to handle and feel guilty that she is there and they are struggling to help her.
What should I do? Leave it alone, and let them work things out or intervene and try to keep the peace. I'm torn apart by this. We all wanted her to do well so badly and I think she can if we can keep her from going off the deep-end eveytime something comes up that she is upset about.
I really just want to dig a hole and climb in. I am so nervous and upset I don't know what to do.