Hi, My name is Ashkan. I'm 17. I'm sure I have a mental problem and I really think it's depression. I think I am going become crazy... I fill it... but I try to hide it... .
I think a lot ... about nothing ... about things those do not worth thinking... I can't stop my self ... it's really hard. I makes me away from my aim ... being a doctor ... I don't feel like living, life sucks for me. Even sometimes I doubt is being a doctor my aim ... I really confused.
I aproximately have lost my concentration. It affects my work. I hate...(I don't no what do I hate but I hate sth right know...).
I'm really alone. I have a family,mother,father and a little brother, but none of them don't understand me and don't assist me to pass through this.
My father had been in the war. Now, he is an angry man... I don't feel any close to him... Absolutely, he cares about us but he can't control his anger speech sometimes... Maybe it's not his fault but it's not mine either.
My mother is a nurse. I don't know why but I don't feel so close to her either.
They do what they can to make us successfull in life and they buy what we ask... But I think they have missed sth very important, sth that without it nothing means to me ... being a good FAMILY... They don't understand this word.
I used to live with my granparents havetime for almost half of my life...
So, I daydream a lot ... (daymare is better like nightmare) I don't feel like talking a lot... I enjoy being upset (I think).
Sth important... My power of deciding ig weakening...
Recently I lie to my friend a lot... I tell them about my thoughts as they are real. Worse part is that they have found out and they told me I should do sth about myself. I want to break my frienship with them but I also don't want because they are my only friends(Two people) and I don't want to lose them... They don't understand too. I tried to find some online friends but I failed in that too. I'm different than anybody else...
My parents expect me to study but how can I really study(I love studing and playing piano).
I like to be different...
I think my feeling nerves are broken... I often have doubt to feel sth... I ask myself is this true?!
I have become a different person...somebody likes me and somebody don't. My senses are done.
People pretend (family) everythings are good... No problem...I don't know what to say more?
I need help... I should talk to God.Totally...
-God? Are you there?
-Yes, son. What do you want?
-Why am I alive? I don't see any point!
-Well... I really don't have time for this, know.
-Can I talk to you another day?
_... Oh, know. I use to play golf with some guys?
-What about Friday? Are you busy then?
-Let me take a look at my calender... In the morning I have something to do... none of your bussiness... but in the afternoon I think I'm free.
-Thanks God... Your awsome man.
-Right?! It's going to be legen...wait for it...dery.
-See you... .