Insensitive comments - add your favorites!

"There are some things that we don't mention aloud, like your declining fertility"

"I hear that Down's kids also give parents a ton of happiness and satisfaction"

Report post

38 replies. Join the discussion

"it will happen, it's just not your time yet."

"Are you sure you want kids?" - said when a friends child is misbehaving

Report post

"Oh God, I would kill myself if it was happening to me..." (referring to my infertility struggles).

Report post

"OMG...i feel so much better about my problems now" (from the one 'friend' who knew i wasmgoing through IUI,maftrr i told her it had failed)
"my husband was so worried our daughters would have issues, but thanks God they are 'normal' " (family friend whose husband owned a fertility clinic overseas and his wife manage the pharmacy - i bought my meds through them so she said that when I was buying meds for my first IVF)

Report post

How about this one: MIL told me when her dog died that it was way more devastating than my m/c because she'd had her dog for years and years. Really? She also likes to justify why everyone around me is getting pregnant and I'm not. Like why they deserve it more.

In regard to the same m/c, I was told "obviously something was wrong with your baby. You wouldn't want a baby that had something wrong with it, did you?". I wanted my baby, however she was.

On the plus side, at least when we encounter women facing the same struggles, we will know exactly what to say and what not to say.

Report post

After pouring my heart out to my sister she said, "Well maybe you aren't meant to be a mother. Maybe you are meant to just have money and buy a bigger house and go on vacations"

Report post

K, that takes the cake! You win the insensitive comment contributor award.

Report post

Said by my FIL to a family friend in my presence before he knew about my IF: "It's so great that you're pregnant. I keep giving my son and daughter in law books and movies on how to do it, but I still don't have a grandchild..."

Report post

Feel lucky you may not have children. They cause you more stress than you can imagine.

Report post

From a Friend: "Your still going through infertility treatments? Why don't you just take the time you've been doing with treatments and just adopt! There's PLENTY of kids that need good homes."

Me: Mmm kay, ya let me just go pick out my child real quick, since it's "so easy to adopt as well"!

Oh the thing's ppl say is horrible sometimes!

Report post

My personal favorite - "God has a plan."

Report post

From a friend that went through years of infertility herself and then ended up having 3 children naturally - "Have you and your husband thought about taking the money you're saving for IVF and just taking a vacation?" All I could say was, "Well then we would have even less money to use for IVF, not wouldn't we?" Just because you were lucky enough to conceive on vacation doesn't mean that everyone will. The same person told me another time after talking about a crazy morning with the kiddos, "Are you sure you want one of these?"

Report post

Said by my DH's aunt "I know you would like a baby, but in God's time honey..."
The ever too familiar "have you thought of adoption? Or what do you think of fostering like the so and so family?"
"There are other people who are going through worse things than you, like a so and so who with cancer and has two months to live"
"My kids were driving me nuts today. You can have mine.."
"Maybe if you lose some weight it will work..."
ETC. ETC. ETC....I could go on for days....

Report post

ooh more. For crying out loud, IF is NOT AA!


Report post

When a co-worker going through IF and I were talking about all that is involved in the testing and treatments for IF a third coworker said, "I'm so lucky I accidentally got pregnant having unprotected sex and didn't have to go through all that!" I wish I was kidding.

Report post

Here's one - "Why don't you just do IVF?!"

Yeah, like it's just that easy. Rude on so many levels.

Report post

Over the past 1.5 weeks I was just diagnosed with two things.......MTHFR mutation and I am lacking the Beta 3 Integrin.

Basically I was told in a lengthy email from a friend that she could not understand how I could move forward with trying to have a baby knowing I had a condition that could be passed down to my child. Maybe this is God's way of showing us that we need to just give up and seek other options. Because she does not support my feelings for moving forward with treatment for my two conditions and then trying again.....she no longer wants to hear anything about our infertility journey. She said we can agree to disagree.

For the life of me I cannot figure out why she feels she has a right to agree or disagree with any of this!!!! This is solely between my DH and me!!!!!

As one of my friends on here pointed out......we have all been passed down conditions from our parents too......maybe they shouldn't have had babies either!!!!

Report post

Oh yeah!! I forgot another good one....from the same friend!!! Two weeks ago she sent me a text that was all happy and cheerful about one of her friends giving birth 5 weeks early....but baby and momma doing great. I guess because I didn't reply in a happy way.....she said that I was insensitive for her friend's happiness. <<<<<<MENTS.......this friend of her's started to try for a baby last a BFP after a month of trying.....and then announced she was pregnant about a month before my BFP....which we later lost>>>>>> Her text set off a ton of emotions that I tucked down.....I was a wreck almost all day. When I explained to her how it all effected me....she basically through in my face that she worked with a woman who went through IVF and a failed adoption and whatever...and THIS woman was always supportive and happy for others who got pregnant around her. I haven't replied to that comment. I have an email composed.....waiting to send. I may or may not send it. I just wanted to scream at her that ALL of us are able to put on the happy face in public and be nice. Its when we get in our car or the house that we can break down or lose it!!!!

Report post

@keribiberi- so glad you wrote that about the AA, I was telling a friend About our latest round of baby-hostaging and first she told me I needed to pray, then she told me I needed to go to AlAnon, then I tried to explain what was happening, and it all went south. But she was insulted that I wasn't doing enough to take care of myself. AA worked for her, she was an alcoholic, who had abortions.

It's like, on the one hand "they" suggest we let people know, and then on the other hand, the response could be worse than holding it in in the first place.

My neighbor, who sat with her infant and 2 years old, who knows a bit of our journey, and the madness that we are pursuing to have children, (which is even extreme on these boards, mind you) asked me last time it came up,
"At what Cost?"
I won't share any more details with her. She obviously doesn't make the connection between her love of her children (and my love of HER children) AND my desire tobe a mother too.

Good luck everyone!

Report post

From my older cousin who had one child, and now she is a grandma of two: "I know exactly what you are going through - we wanted one more."

From another cousin: "At least you have your cats. You are a mama to them."

From my sister: "Maybe you're not praying the right way?"

Report post

When i told my oldest sister that my middle sister was going to be our surrogate she said:
"your selfish, she could die during childbirth and then what are you going to tell her kids, that they don't have a mom anymore because you wanted a child?"
Yeah we don't talk anymore:(

Report post

This discussion is closed to replies. We close all discussions after 90 days.

If there's something you'd like to discuss, click below to start a new discussion.

Things you can do


Help RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association reach its goals and support people like yourself by making a donation today.

Donate to  RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

Discussion topics


Advocacy Day 2014

Center for Infertility Justice Blog

RESOLVE's newsletter

Unplug yourself. A quarterly newsletter written just for you sent directly to your home. Subscribe today.

Infertility Information

RESOLVE's Resources

Community leaders