DH not as on board as I thought

So the other night we were shopping for couches and we found one but since he got to pick the style I wanted to compromise and pick the fabric.
It turned into a huge argument and I quickly realized that this argument was not about couches. It was about my wanting to do IVF thinking he was ok with it and his real feelings that IVF is unnatural and we should just wait however long it takes.
I tried to explain to him my reasons about wanting a sibling for my son and needing to try so I can feel normal again and also the facts about infertility. It's been 3+ years and we are unexplained and I do have a 4 year old that was conceived naturally after a couple IUI's. He thinks we should just wait again but I just don't see that kind of miracle happening again. I thought he was on board and now that the meds have been ordered and we have our schedule he wants to change everything.
My questions is how did you explain to your hubby to get him to understand? To get him to realize this isn't about my obsession. I try to talk to him but it's so emotional for me and he just knows that we have gotten pregnant before so we can do it again. HELP!

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One point to make is that a body can change over time. What worked once does not mean it will work again years later. When I wasn't sure if doing these procedures were "right" because they're "unnatural" and if God wanted me to have children he would just give them to me my mom made a good point that God gave these doctors the knowledge and skill to be able to help people that need it.

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I could have written this! We have a 4 year old and had an ectopic in 2009. I haven't been pregnant since. DH wants to wait and says we haven't tried hard enough. We did all the test and he has a low sperm count. He gets so mad when I talk about needing help. We did do our first IUI this week and the post wash count was low. The RE thinks we have a 65% change of pregnancy with IVF, but DH says OK one minute and then says we should try on our own the next. This is getting hard because he is so sensitive about the low count and we even had an arrugement the day of the IUI because of that. I so want to have more children. Any advice?

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i have no advice, because we're in a similar spot. i go back and forth on doing IVF (which RE says is the only way we'll conceive). and DH just doesn't want to do it at all. he doesn't come out and say it outright. but he has so much hesitation and doubt i can sense it all over him. i hope you find a way to figure this out for you and your family. i just keep thinking, 'doesn't he see how much this means to me?'???

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Here's my advice. I'm not sure if it will help but I'll share my story. DH and I have had our differences. We even separated and planned to divorce at one point for many reasons, but hopefully that helps you realize I've been there. I've come to believe that for most men they are able to take all emotion out of it. In my case the more emotional I got the further it drove us apart. We still haven't moved to IVF but we are back entertaining the idea. I had to be willing to talk to him in a very non emotional matter of fact way. I learned to wait to discuss procedures or treatments with him at the right times, which was not after getting a BFN or hearing yet another friend was pregnant. I spent time doing research and shared it with him. I built a budget and committed to him that I could make some changes so we could pay for it. My DH also said to me many times how he felt detached from the whole process. He missed appointments and I was frustrated when he grumbled at trying to keep up with the calendar. So I created us a google calendar to share our schedules which helped. It also took more than one RE to convince my DH we had an issue. He never liked the first one we saw. Lastly after talking he finally admitted he wasn't sure parenthood was for him. In addition to reassuring him on that I had to make a concerted effort to spend time with him outside of IF and make sure he knew he was most important to me over having a child.

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I wish you best of luck and patience. We are taking one day at a time. I also thought my husband was on board, but now after one failed IVF ICSI, he all of a sudden decided that our Kruger is not that bad (it is and he doesn't have a medical degree) and that we can somehow manage to get pregnant on our own. So for now we are doing natural iuis - i simply can not imagine baby making process without a catheter at this point- sort of compromised. He says he doesn't want me to be taking any meds and I find it to be a very illogical and unreasonable statement after we've already been through with a whole lots of them during last IVF. I told him that it's my body so ultimately I am the one making that decision. And, he can not say no to procedures because he is not only making the decision to have or not to have a baby for himself but for me also. That is a very powerful thing. I don't think he wants that power. I know I wouldn't. So next year I will start talking, again, about medicated iui since I don't think he is ready to discuss another IVF just yet.

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I can't talk about IVF, but I can talk about a husband not willing to participate. The first year of our marriage he was the one using the male form of natural birth control, ie, always making sure no sperm got where they needed to go. He had all the power and there was nothing I could do. We had daily fights and finally had to get counseling. When he finally agreed that we could try, I was elated but after a year of failures and my diagnosis, and a fairly simple one actually, it took 4 months to get him to go get tested and then, after we found out he was fine and there was no reason for me not to start meds, he backed out again. He just wasn't ready and couldn't say when or even if he ever would be. This was one of the factors that drove us to the brink of divorce. He has been the single largest factor in my fight with IF. Telling him how much he was hurting me only drove us further apart and made him decide I was just obsessed and immature. I needed it too badly and was therefore unfit to become a mother. But what it came down to in the end was his own personal needs. He was unhappy and felt incomplete. He needed to heal something in himself before he could conceive of HIMSELF as a father. He's being treated now for ADD and he's so much happier. I'm not saying the ADD was blocking him from wanting kids, but the point is, he needed help with something in himself before he could move on to wanting a family. Everything is now looking up and I'm going to try start meds in January. I have no idea whether they will work or whether other medical problems will present themselves. I have yet to go down that road and I'm sure it will be a long one, but at least he's come round. Maybe your husband has some nagging thing in the back of his mind, some emotional need, some childhood problem or subconscious aversion that needs to be addressed separately from the IF issue. My biggest mistake, I think, has always been to assume that I was the emotional one. His just weren't getting expressed, which is actually much worse.

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why don't you write a letter and tell him how you feel. It works sometimes when i want to communicate something. also give it some time. I hope it works out well for you. good luck.

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