Looking at the scale today and seeing a less than one pound drop, I could feel it - the building frustration, the magnetic pull to the fridge, the twitches in my hands. It was there again. I made a peanut butter and honey sandwich to eat with some fruit for supper hopping to avoid the explosion I could feel coming. The next thing I knew I had downed the sandwich, an ice cream bar, cheese covered nachos, a small Snickers, and an entire bag of popcorn. Binge-eating had come out of it's alleyway.
It's been so long since I've had a full-out binge that I was curled in stomach pain and confusion after the episode. Does addiction ever really go away? It seems to always lurk in a corner ready to take us back into it's clutches. I read a report yesterday which said former drug addicts can become re-addicted in as easily as one or two relapses (risk increases with severity of the substance of course).
I don't mean to sound pessimistic. This isn't a Dooms Day journal entry. In actuality it's a reality check. An addiction may never truly leave, but that doesn't mean we have to go back to it's embrace. After I peeled myself from the fetal position and got some stomach medicine, I hit the walking trail for my nightly walk. I didn't punish myself with extra workouts or a decreased diet the next day. No, I kept going as if I had never relapsed. I gave addiction no power to break me or to punish me. I didn't ignore it, but I acknowledged it's presence with a determination to be more watchful in the future.
Addiction may still be here, but it will have to be satisfied with the hard, concrete alleyway in which it hides. That, I believe, is the true victory over addiction - the ability to get back up and keep going.
Let me know what you've realized about addiction in your lives. Most of us have suffered through one addiction or another. What have you learned?
Much Love Ya'll,