Slippery....Slope...

Dx on June with TaG2/3 (Hight Grade) papillary tumors. Had multiples, some larger that others. 2 TURBS (one for restaging) and 6 BCG treatment later, I'm still committed to quitting smoking. Can't seem to let go of the patch--after all this time (cannot use CHANTIX) Uro said that he'd rather see me using the patch that lighting up. BUT... I have cheated a few times, lately.... I have my check up Nov, 17 and as the day nears I feel my anxiety level rising . I had been doing so good, i'm so ashamed...How can I do this to myself? whay would I do the very thing that got me here in the first place?---That's my rational brain talking.
Sometimes, I think that 1 is not going to make any difference and that the damage it's already done...just to justify what I'm doing--I NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK !!
Just venting....

Report post

15 replies. Join the discussion

Vent away . . . that probably helps more than anything else. I am a non-smoker now, but it took quiting and re-starting several times to get here. The hardest is always when there is stress. I really don't have great advice for that . . . it's still hard for me when things are going wrong. I talk to myself. I tell myself that smoking won't help the situation. I tell myself that I'll only be mad at myself tomorrow for giving in. I remind myself how bad my mouth tastes after having a cigarette . . . the rest of that day and all of the next day. I have a friend who kept a favorit blouse she had burned a hole in and gets it out when she is tempted . . . just to remind herself how mad she was that day. One day at a time. You can do it.

Report post

Hey vent away!!! Quitting Smoking was one of the hardest things I have ever done! I continued to smoke even after a heart attack at 42!!! It was 4 months later that I joined a support group wore the patch sucked on suckers (mrs See's they lasted the longest) and prayed I would make it through!! My Dr also said if it takes wearing the patch for a year so be it. I continued to cut the patch smaller and smaller (you cant do this with all patches) and then I wore a quarter size patch for almost 6 months. You keep on this site and write to me or others we will support you!!!
Julie

Report post

Go ahead and vent...kick the walls if necessary. Do whatever it takes. I quit about 20 years ago and still think it is the hardest thing I've ever done, before or since. One thing that helped me was to do some really heavy physical activity when I would get a craving such as jump rope for a few minutes or take a quick run outside around the house as fast as you can, whatever. It will get your heart pumping and the endorphins up kind of simulating the feeling you get when you smoke. Good luck, hang in there and don't quit quitting!

Pat

Report post

Quitting smoking is the hardest thing on the planet to do. That's why all the tobacco companies were sued successfully. The additives they have that make us WANT/NEED/DESIRE our nicotine "fix". So don't feel badly or ashamed. Just stop again for a day and then another etc. I quit about 29 yrs ago using the only thing available the old Nicorette gum. Yucko it tasted, well, as bad as your mouth does when you wake up as a smoker only you were purposely doing that to yourself! "+) It worked because I haven't touched a cig since and it took about 6 months to get through the weaning process. BTW, I still do have a piece of sugar free gum after dinner most nights. Go figger. Don't give up it isn't easy!

Report post

redhairfun,

While I cannot quote the statistics, I can tell you that the recurrence rate for bladder cancer is higher for those who do not quit. While damage has been done, you continue to do MORE damage by continuing to smoke. That does not make quitting any easier, though it may provide more logic for doing so.

Keep working at it.


Rick

Report post

will i be chastised within this wonderful group for mentioning that e-cigs have helped me not smoke tobacco for the past 2 months? ... i'm still (very much liking) "smoking" them. i've gotten the nod from the intern doctor that checked me in to cleveland clinic,...then my chemo nurse ... then my family practioner (who also said maybe after i'm healed from my bladder removal surgery, i could try laser or acupuncture to try to quit the e-cigs), but they all said, "whatever works for you to not smoke cigarettes!" ......... e-cigs are said to be vaporizers, which give us puffs/mouthfuls of water vapor with nicotine mixed in it. .... it is very much like puffing on a tobacco cigarette ... i had tried the patch and the gum and laser tech methods .... these e-cigs are the only thing that has worked for me so far. ...

and oh, my breathing is so much easier than 3 months ago, food/coffee smells better ... no tobacco smoke swirling around the house ... i like everything about this.... it is like self-administering a nicotine fix as needed. send me a message if you would like the website/company i buy mine from.

~ marcia/ohio

Report post

If it makes you feel any better , i'm ashamed to say i'm still smoking..i know it's wrong but i suffer from so much anxiety , a doctor in Virginia told me even if i Quit tomorrow it's not going to prevent my B cancer from coming back if it wants too, but deep in my heart i know it's wrong..

Report post

Never having been a "real"smoker, maybe 1 pack/month for about 1 year 40 years ago, I can only empathize with how difficult it is for many smokers to quit. The added stress of a health problem, even one promoted by smoking, only makes it more difficult. My hat is off to those who successfully quit and no foul for whatever technique one uses to decrease or quit smoking. One of our members used an app that tracked how many days since last smoke and how much money saved it translated to (ladyjane, I think). Perhaps she can provide a link to that site. Best wishes for all struggling with this issue.

jj

Report post

Don't be ashamed that you are having trouble quitting. All of us who have quit understand how hard it is. Do whatever it takes to quit. If you like needle work, knit, if you like exercise, move - anything to keep your hands and mind busy. You can be a non-smoker.

Report post

I also keep smoking and feel like a complete failure. I have already lost a kidney and ureter and now its in my bladder. I got the e-cigs and they do help alot sometimes. I often think whats the point, its already got me. I know that is pathetic and I should be stronger but I know exactly how you feel and how HARD it is. You are not alone.
Julie

Report post

redfunhair,
My husband is also having a difficult time, He quit in 1996 after having angioplasty and eventually a stent, I believe he stopped for about 10 years. We were on a family vacation and I found these little tobacco bags in the glove compartment. So I told him since it is ok for him to smoke I handed the kids one each. Before I could get them back from the kids, my son swallowed the little bag of tobacco. He got so mad he threw them out the window and stopped. He started playing poker at his brothers house about 6 years ago and started smoking again, all I can imagine is all the smoke in the basement where they played.
We all have our bad habits, but sometimes it is one minute at a time, one hour at a time or even one day at a time. Set goals for yourself, you can do it. You have tons of support here on BCAN, vent all you want.
Gina

Report post

Which is more debilitating to your body at this time - the stress/guilt you bring on by smoking or the smoking itself? I have had two friends go through cancer and both were told NOT to quit at the time because it would cause more stress and harm during their treatments. One was breast cancer and one was a rare type of leukemia.... the friend with the leukemia has significantly cut her smoking down but the other still smokes like a chimney with a chronic heart condition as well. <sigh> To each his own life...

While I am a past smoker, my sister has an ongoing love-hate with smoking and has found the electronic cigarettes to be the same as the real thing.. Now my understanding is that you can adjust the nicotine levels in the vapor - I often wonder with people and stress whether the craving has as much to do with the physicality of smoking as the actual nicotine addiction. In some ways, I would almost take up the smoking again (sans nicotine) for the physical act of smoking.... however, I am too lazy to get myself set up... ;-) Remember there are no absolutes in this world - I have an 83 year old mother in law, smokes a pack a day, her mother died of bladder cancer and she doesn't show a single sign of any cancer - lung, bladder or otherwise...

I also have found that any person I have known that has really dropped the addiction always had a very deep personal reason for doing so. My mom for instance - she was driving in the car with 8 year old grandkids and one said to her "Grandma, I don't want you to die from smoking." My mom didn't have a cigarette from then onward... Mine was my husband, I decided that I didn't have the right to cause him harm by continuing to smoke and perhaps dying from heart, stroke or lung cancer.... lol - joke is on us that bladder cancer wasn't anywhere on my radar...

Anyways I hope you can find a path with your smoking that keeps your heart light and honours what you are truly going through right now...

Report post

Quitting smoking is absolutely the most difficult thing I have ever done. I smoked for over 5o years. Having a small stroke prompted me to quit. i used chantix but I think sheer determination along with taking up knitting, sucking on candy and staying away from people who smoke or places where people smoke did it for me. I did not go anywhere by myself for a few months. Too much temptation to buy cigarettes when out by myself. I constantly want to smoke but am able to fight it. Ironically, just three months after I quit smoking I got the bladder cancer diagnosis. On the plus side, I am able to climbstairs without panting. My family especially my grandchildren are happy I quit. I have to go to bed. I am craving a cigarette. Good luck to all attempting to quit!

Nora

Report post

My mother went through oral cancer treatment earlier this year and continued smoking through it - there was no way she was going to stop smoking after 70 years of never missing a day without a cigarette in her hand! I got her e-cigarettes (Safe Cigs) online / sent mail order after reading positive things about them from Scandanavia. She switched to them. Yes, she's still smoking, but it's water-steam instead of carcinogenic smoke, and that's HUGE. Also, it means that she's not sending second-hand smoke around the room and exposing other people to the harm (and sweaters don't smell of smoke, etc. etc.) Many benefits under urgent circumstances...

Report post

Redhairfun,

I'm grateful you said what you said. I've tippy toed around the issue for so long, I don't know how to blurt it out. I lived my entire life in a fog of my mother's smoke, from inside the womb until just last year when I was diagnosed with BC and finally said I would no longer be in a room in which people are smoking. Thanks to all the second-hand exposure, I've "smoked" more than most smokers. Cause and effect? It's not a happy thing to contemplate. So thank you for sharing your family's experience, so perhaps others of us might be more forthright in talking about this issue!

William

Report post

This discussion is closed to replies. We close all discussions after 90 days.

If there's something you'd like to discuss, click below to start a new discussion.

Things you can do

Support BCAN

Help the Bladder Cancer Advocacy Network reach its goals and support people like yourself by making a donation today.

Donate to the Bladder Cancer Advocacy Network

Discussion topics

Walk for Bladder Cancer May 3rd

Walk for Bladder Cancer

Resources from BCAN

BCAN on Facebook

Like the Bladder Cancer Advocacy Network on Facebook

Community leaders