hi its me again...:)

I was looking up some facts about someone who has stage 4 bladder cancer such as myself,and then I SEE those horrible odds.I have done the chemo well on my 5th on on monday,I am able to pee much better..little difficulty sometimes,and then I look at the outcomes. Like such to where they say oh if you have lymph nodes that are affected then that brings your chances of survival down to 10 percent. Can someone anyone tell me that they can remove the lymph nodes that are affected and that there is hope and yES U CAN CALL me an idiot for going on web sites and looking this stuff up...i hope i made the right descions. I had chemo and then the next step is surgury once we make sure the tumors have gone down. I know I may sound kind of all over the place but this is how my mind works sometimes..if there is anyone who knows the facts please let me know. and if anyone knows what they would be able to do since I am a little over 300 lbs would they be able to do a stoma I dont want to have to cath myself or anything like that I would rather just have the bag and go from there. any ideas,suggestions would be a big help thanks for putting up with me.

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Hi, Jill, Jim is stage IV bc also. He was diagnosed 7/13/2010. He had an RC with illegal conduit followed by 6 months of gemzar/cisplatin. He is very much alive and as of his 6/20/2012 CT he is cancer free. I wish I could tell you 100% all will be well, it will be easy eyc but you have been having chemo...you know it isn't easy. It's doable but not easy. For now maybe focus on..."ok I need to get through this day and this chemo". Then another day and so on. You are indeed all o er the place understandably so. I can tell you Jim's oncologist told me to take an Internet break when I was so overwhelmed by stats etc. good advice for sure. Someone else told me to have specific times and rooms that were declared cancer free times and rooms. Crazy but it all helps. It takes practice nd right now you are new to all of this. Take in a deep breath, hug your little boy, stroke kitty and let the air out. Know we are all here for you and truly care.

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Jill, btw, Jim is a big boy...he has a bag and does just fine with it. One day at a time and breath.

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Thank you that makes me feel so much better. I jump around alot because my thoughts are all over the place. Thank u for your kind words hearing from others helps me......think that I have a chance....I have my son to be here for!!!!he is my life.

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My husband was diagnosed in June, 2008 with T1G3, but just this past February it unfortunately progressed and became Stage IV. What you need to remember is that you are NOT a statistic, you are a person. You are still young, and that is on your side. As was said above, focus on today, and today only - tomorrow will come soon enough.

There are indeed many Stage IV survivors, even THRIVERS, out there - and there is no reason that you can't be one of them!

NONE of us know how long we have on this earth - we should ALL live each day to the fullest, and not worry about what may or may not happen tomorrow!

When things become overwhelming, then you should STOP reading the internet, get out and do something that you enjoy, take that precious son of yours and do something fun!

And when you want to vent, or whatever - we are here for you, we ALL care!


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Absolutely you need to stick around for him! Having a positive mindset helps so much. Jim has always been positive minded so important. As I've written before we are all here for each other. I'm the wife of a bc survivor (that's what Jim calls himself) and I know the power of positive thinking does work. Take care. I care I've also sent you a friend request.

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You are takin the right steps with getting the chmo prior to surgery. Then have the surgery. They will remove the lymph nodes @ that time. A stoma sounds like the way to go. You are on the right path. & good luck with it all.

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Don't look at the statistics. You are an individual, not a statistic. You have found this place of refuge, and YOU WILL DO WELL, so just get on with it and stay positive.


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As long as you have faith in your uro, and in yourself, things will be well- keeping you in my prayers-


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We've all looked at the statistics and then regretted it ! As has been said you are NOT a statistic you are a YOUNG woman ! How many young women do you suppose were included in that study/research ? Virtually none I'm sure.

We have many here who have been diagnosed with stage 4 and are still with us. YOU will be among those.

If a bag is what you want then a bag is what you will be given. It is the 'simplest' procedure therefore less time under anaesthetic and a quicker recovery time.

You must think positively , you are a Mummy and you can cope with ANYTHING.

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Hi Jill,
Take a deep breath and give yourself a big hug. All the feelings and thoughts that are overwhelming you right now are perfectly normal . You have been given a huge load to absorb and deal with. All the responders to your post have given you great advice. I know that there are support groups and services for children who have a parent with cancer. I am not familiar with your area but there is a good chance your oncologist could help you out in that area or you might be able to google it.

You are in my thoughts and I wish you and your son the best.

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From what I understand, it is normally best to have chemo prior to the RC so it sounds like you are on track !!! Sometimes they can't wait and have to operate first and then do the chemo, as with myself, but since your doctors have deemed it okay to deal with the cancer first and then operate, I would take that as a positive. Remember, you've got to grab all the 'positives' you can at this point and hang on to them

As far as the Internet is concerned, if you look back at my recent '2 year anniversary post' that I had on a few days ago, I came against all of the horrific things that they have on the Internet regarding BC. It scarred the heck out of me then and almost drove me nuts !!!! Even today I won't show my wife that stuff. When you search about BC you don't find a lot of 'success stories', only the gloom and doom. You have to come to sites like this and interact with real living survivors to get the truth..... and the truth is that,.."some people make it", no matter what the odds say !!!! And that's the bottom line !!! Not to make light of the situation, but whether you have BC or not, today may be your day. You may get hit by a car, or a plane may fall out of the sky and crush you, or whatever it is,... it simply is and we must take it as it comes. Try not to walk in fear, but rather in HOPE. I think it's best to be pro-active and find out what you can from creditable sources and that's what you're doing. You are looking in the right places for answers to your questions by coming here and talking to people who have 'been there' or cared for people who have 'been there', but I would suggest to you to slow down on the Internet searches, as they are really not going to help you in my view at all. Certainly didn't help me, just got me all worked up, and at the time I really didn't need all of that negative garbage, I needed HOPE. Well, that's what we're trying to give you here, not fairy tails, but true hope because its true, some people make it in spite of what the Internet says.

If you look back at my 2 year anniversary posting you will see that I said I was going to try my best to pray a 'miracle' into your life regarding the BC that has attacked you, so I would suggest you try your best to think on the positive side and start to believe way down deep in your spirit that you are going to beat this monster !!! Many people on this site will be there praying for you and believing the same. We all want you to be here for your boy. Hang in there and forget about the those statistics, as DEPringle said, 'your a person not a statistic'.

Please forgive me if it sounds like I'm coming down on you to hard, as I really don't mean to do that, as I know how alarming all of this is, but there are some of us out here that truly believe our bodies immune system responds better to situations, when we are thinking positive, as opposed to negatively. So, remember we all care about you, and are looking forward to the time you have good reports to share as you go through this process and also, some of us are also believing that there will be a time when you are able to help guide someone else going through their journey as well. As someone else said, all of this is not necessarily easy, but doable. Go for it and know there are lots on board here that in spirit are going through this with you.

C U,

RC 06-30-2010, BC staged 3a, very aggressive grade 3 softball sized tumor

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Thank you so kindly everyone. I am trying with everything I have to be positive. I have had some issues from the chemo and my port as well. I am suffering from really bad headaches that nothing will take the pain away. Which makes it so much harder for me to be a happy person being in pain. I know there is a saying that cancer survivors,or even ones with the disease still tell me its going to get worse before it gets better,and I am trying to believe that,That I am on the road to recovery., I know god doesnt give us more then we can handle,but I just sit here some days and think those negative thoughts because I feel so crappy.they perscribed morphine pills for the pain havent gotten them yet they had to order them for monday. I also got the shot they give u to help boost your blood counts and a side effect of that is severe bone pain and I also have fibromyalga and a inslipped disk in my back so on top of that I now have this severe bone pain and my back keeps throbbing...cant sit right or lay it kind of sucks but am getting through it.
The thing that trips me up is always assuming every ache and pain I feel its part of the cancer or the cancer has spread to another part of my body. Iike I have pain under my right arm pit and I felt a lump so did my oncologist but he said he doesnt think its a lympth node,but on the other hand I think it is. Will they be able to take out other lymph nodes if it has spread to other parts? I go for the scans on the 17th and go see the oncologist the 19th. So I AM praying that I get the news I want.
I am a good mom,but just off my game a bit and with it being so hot and me not having a car it makes it harder for me to take him places,I live in a suburb and there are things with in walking distance but not super fun things for a 8 yr old lol. He is my angel,and I wont let him live with out his mommy, I have gradauation,to be here for,and marriage,and children.,and I am not going to let the cancer take me away from seeing my baby grow up!!!!!I wont give up just have alot of un resolved feelings,and its almost like I havent let myself grieve yet,and I dont know how its like my brain wont let me grieve just go through the motions of every day.

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Dear Jill,

You are going throught such a rough time that I wish I could come to your house, give you a hug and wave a magic wand that would take all of this away. Sadly, I can't do that. What I can do, though, is tell you that I had a positive lymph node removed during surgery. That was coming up on two years ago. My scans have all been clear since surgery and, although I know there is a chance that I might have a recurrance, I live life as if I never had cancer. I am not saying that I am in denial, quite the opposite, but I live my life to the fullest and make plans for the future.

Going through chemo is rough and surgery is frightening but lots of us have had good outcomes no matter what stage we were at before surgery. Believe that you will have a good outcome too. Believe it with all your heart and soul and picture chemo acting like Pacman, eating up all the cancer cells. Visualize that and then visualize how elated you will be waking up from surgery cancer free!

If you would like to talk, send me a friend request and I'll send you my phone number. I am always more than happy to talk with women facing surgery. Talking with Nancy and Rick was the most helpful thing for me. Meanwhile, keep on hanging in there. Even though you are upset and frightened you are managing to get through it and that is what matters.


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