Hi, my name is Laura. I lost my little boy Paul on Father's Day 6/15/2008. He was diagnosed with retinoblatoma at 6 months of age(5/4/2004). He over came that cancer and was in remission untill 6/4/2008. When I had to rush him to the emergency room cause he turned blue and stoped breathing. They found out he had a medialstinal mass. They life fighted him from or home town of Twin Falls to Boise. The doctors didn't find out till we had been in the hospital 10 days that he had suffered catostrophic brain damage due to the seven times he had went in to cardiac and respatory arrest on 6/4. I was forced to make the dission as to wheather or not to let him go. We pulled him off life support 6/14/2008. As always my sweet little Paul faught for his life. He was life support free 3mins shy of being a full 24 hours before he passed. He was 4 1/2 years old. It's been over a year and I still fill the big gapping whole that is in my heart. I think over the last year I have gotten better at hiding the way I feel, rather than dealing. I have 3 other children. Ginnie is 8, James is 2, and Lily is 6 months. We had just found out I was pregnant w/ Lily 2 weeks before Paul went in the hospital. I know if I hadn't have been pregnant when I lost my son I think I would have completely lost it. When all the testing came back they found that the mass was non-hodgkins t-cell lymphoma. I guess I'm posting this in hopes that someone can maybe in someway help me to learn how to deal better. Everyone else just asumes everythings okay even my own husband.