Phases, each I think is the worst

When My mom first was diagnosed I thought this was the worst, and as she progressed I thought each new phase the worst . When the "sundowing" Phase started I was sure that was just the worst. It happens as the sun goes down I could have a wonderful day with her and then she would lash out viciously at me and I would leave crying thinking I could not do this anymore but I did. I thought when she was placed in a home it would be better. Now this phase is just the worst when I go she is so scared she often cry's she has no idea who I am but she is still happy to see me . Today all she could say is she dose not remember anything and she doesn't know any thing and how scared she is . It is her 88th birthday and she is so scared and I cant make it better! I HATE THIS DISEASE

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Kealikolani: Your writing and the basic story you have told in a few simple words is so powerful and important that I'm compelled to reply. I am new to the group, just beginning the caregiver journey and rarely write. But, I'm already thinking, about a year down the road, that each step is so awful that the next will be better. But wishful thinking does not prevail. Today we go to Kay's (my wife) doc and I am thinking of leaning on her to do more and be more aggressive in treatment. I don't want to look back and see things left undone that could have eased the way for Kay. She is very intelligent and understands the tasks ahead and is already fearful. So am I. Thank you for your important writing and please keep at it. George.

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to kealukolani My 85 year old aunt also has sundowners. But she can't walk, she has to have total care- feeding, diapers, can't walk or carry on a conversation. As dusk she tries to get out of her wheel chair or her bed. She also have alot of bladder infections. She just got home from the hospital Feb.19th from a severe bladder infection(bloody urine). She can't tell you what is hurting her or anything else. You just know if she is acting a little different. She have had demenia since 2000. I took her car away in 2007 when she got worst. She has been in total care since August 2011. She is living at home with her nephew during the evening and we have a lady to stay with her 7 hours a day. And I am staying with her rest of the time. We have to call NETTRANS to take her to the doctors appointments. Her insurance pays for the trips, for we can get her in our car.

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I understand! My mother in law came to live with my husband and me five months ago. Some days I think, "This is the worst she's been," but I've also said this many more times as things have gotten worse. Sometimes it's hard to have a positive attitude, hard to smile, hard to be patient when Mom asks the same question for the tenth time. I'm sorry you are going through this; Alzheimer's is so cruel!!

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Thank you for your responses , George you are wonderful You said "I don't want to look back and see things left undone that could have eased the way for Kay"Your love for her is so precious. Keep on fighting for her. I pray they come up with some kind of solid help.
rialb, your aunt is blessed to have you . You mention taking away her car, wow that was one of the many " hardest things" . I am glad you have Nettrans to help you transport your aunt.
msnelle, It is so hard to be patient and be positive. I remember trying to make a game of the "repeating questions" mom would ask the same things over and over and over I would try to make each wave of questions exactly the same as the first ,it was a way of making it bearable.
Alzheimer's is so very cruel, I think for me the hardest thing is the helplessness. I cant imagine loosing ones memories losing ones sense of self who you are I just want to make her better and I cant I just want to bring her home and take care of her but I cant and it hurts . but on a bright side mom is still smart , I went to visit her and she was having a good day someone asked me who I was and I said I was her daughter and she held that for a short time and was able to tell another person I was her daughter. she looked so proud to be able to do that. ( usually I am just that lady) funny thing was that she was asked what my name was and she had no idea, but even if she really did not know it she could say I was her daughter. I miss her knowing who I am. which go s back to "this phase is just the worst" i wish you all the best

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The only way I can get through this is to take one day at a time. My mom is 81 and is in the early stages of Alzheimers so it's not as bad as some of you and I know it can get worse, but when I start worrying, I just tell myself "one day at a time" . After all, I really can only deal with today and I don't know what tomorrow holds and, truthfully, I don't want to know. If she has a good day, I am grateful and if it's a bad day, I do the best I can. Thank you all for all the good advise, it really does help to know I'm not the only one dealing with this.

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Today is my first entry into this group discussion. My mother is 81 years old and we live together. She was diagnosed about 3 years ago with the beginning stages of alzheimers disease. I don't know how fast hers is progressing, but I am about at my wits end. She has temper tandrums that I can hardly handle. I don't have any help from my family and my daughter seems to think since I have be home with grandma anyway I should babysit a couple days a week for her while she works. I don't know where to turn for help. I need some rest. Do any of you have any suggestions?

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Maryel
I,m new here too and my mom is81 and has probably had AD about 3-4 years but is considered to be in early stages. My mom also had temper tantrums and was often mad at me and in a general "bad mood". She was put on an anti- depressant and, what a difference!! She still gets irritated once in a while but it's not bad and it's easier to distract her and it doesn't last long. She is also sleeping better. Talk to her doctor about an anti-depressant for her, our local Azhhiemers center recommended it and I'm so glad they did. They said depression was very common in AD patients. Good luck!

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Hi Redgrammy,
It is nice to hear from someone in about the same stage of this disease I am in. My mom is considered in the early stages as well. She is on antidepressants but I hadn't thought about that. Maybe the doctor needs to revisit what he is giving her. I take her to the doctor tomorrow so this was perfect timing. My mom is constantly mad at me too. I can't do anything to please her, but since I am the only caretaker I assumed this would be the case. Don't like it though!!!! I am still taking things one day at a time. Today seems to be a good one so far and that is good because yesterday was horrible from the minute I opened my eyes. She had temper tandrums all day long. Today has been very peaceful. Yeah!!!! Good luck with your mom and if you need a shoulder I am here!

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my aunt is also on medication to calm her down. she is on namenda (2 x daily). she is starting on 2 other medications in a few days. i have had shoulder surgery march 22, 2012, and not being able to reply to my e-mails. i have just barely being able to take care of my aunt with help.

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Wow so many here with the same in common..makes me feel I am not alone. My Mom is 82 and has had alz since 2007 but not actually diagnoised til january this year in which it seems to be going quickly. I to am the only care giver and my mom hates me for days sometimes and at first I cried and just said I cant do this anymore but I would jump right back in and now I tell myself this isnt my mom saying this its the alz and I accept that now thought it isnt always easy. Mom is on depressants and memory pills but she has sundowning and gets combative at times. I too wish I could have my mom back but I know I need to be strong so I can be there for her and that is what keeps me going...she would never give up on me so I can never give up on her. I dont know I would deal with not having her here to hold and hug and see her smile. We have many harder days to come I am sure but we have this group which I feel is amazing and I am glad I am apart of this family tooo! Everyone give yourself a big hug cause if you are a caretaker you are an amazing human being with a loving heart and not everyone could endure this journey.

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I love this place cause every night I dont feel alone when I read everyones journals. I have two parents that I care for. My mom has Parkinson Disease she is in Hospice. I in the process of losing her in the next few months. My dad is just as bad with Vasiculat demetia but not under hospice at this point. What I have learned in the last yr or so since I have watch them go down so fast is that I do what I can everyday to for them. I take one day at a time with them, One day will be good an the next few will be bad but I still take it one day at a time. I treasure every good day, bad day knowing that I am doing what I can for each of them. I also have begun to journal the good days as well as good things about them on a daily basis. I was told by a friend that it would help with the bad days or one day when they are gone.

Thanks for sharing everyone

Karen

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I know what you are going up against. My 85 year old aunt has sundowners and she tries her best to get out of her wheelchair or bed. She has to have total care- everything. I have her at home for now, but i don't know how long. I do have a lady to help me take care of her 40 hours per week. I have had another shoulder surgery last month, and can't lift her out of bed. my husband helps alot but she wont let him change her diaper, bathe her or change her clothes. We have her on anti-depressants along with namenda and aricept. it helps quite alot with calming her down without making her sleep all day. She was very irrable went we brought her home from the nursing home october31, 2011 .she was in there for several months when i had my first surgery. i had no one to help but my husband and, daughter (who was working 9 hours days). I am taking one day at a time, it is all that any of us can do. She still knows me, my daughter, my brother so far. she not sure about my husband since we got married june 1,2011.

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