Incontinence

When i picked my husband up at bridge today, a couple of the people came to the car before he got out. They told me that yesterday he had wet himself. He didn't mention it to me, and by the time I picked him up his pants had dried. I didn't tell him about the conversation with the other players. I know he needs to go into diapers but not sure how to broach this with him. He's not going to want to do that. Anyone gone through this who can give me some advice on how to handle it?

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The way we worked this with mom was to simply tell her how much easier it would be for her, how much more comfortable; it wasn't explained as something she needed but as something that would make things easier for her.
It's a very touchy subject.
But once she began wearing pads during the day it became normal.
Night time was different. She would take them off during the night (probably because they were sodden) and we'd have to strip the whole soaking bed every morning.
But at least we had the daytime sorted.
Don't tell him they're called diapers: pads or something.

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Thanks for the info. I want to address this before Tues. when he goes back to play bridge. I worry he will want to know who told me and then be angry at that person, so I thought I'd tell him I could smell urine on his pants when I was putting them into the washer. I am hoping he will go along with it without much problem.

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Dubbie you give such incouraging information to people and you yourself are going through so much. I just wanted to say thank you and God bless.

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Dubbie42 --

How is the incontinence problem? Thank goodness, my husband doesn't seem to have this issue yet, but I've begun bringing his clothes laundry home from memory care, partly to keep an eye on it. I'm pretty sure it's coming. He's such a proud, private person that I really dread having to deal with this and any help you can give would be great.

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Dubbie, I told my Dad that we were buying him 'protective' underwear, so that if he had to go really bad and couldn't make it to the bathroom in time his clothes wouldn't be wet. We got him the Depends that fit the most like underwear and he has accepted them with no problem at all. In fact, he puts the soiled ones in the dirty clothes, thinking they actually are just underwear. One tip though, the 'tag' is hard to read so I write the word 'Back' above it to make it obvious which is the front and back.

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Help! My dad is having problems with urinating in his underwear, but he refuses to wear Depends. It is especially a problem at night. How do we get him to change over to Depends?

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I have my husband put his underwear on over the Depends and told him this will help in case he has a accident. He has not had a problem with the night but if you go to The Bed Wetting Store online, they have pads to cover the bed and ideas on how to use the pads. The site it more for kids wetting the bed but some pads are larger. Can help you out if you have to change sheets in middle of night and stripping the bed every day.

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Thanks. We will try this. He just gets so angry when we try to help him.

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The children stores have rubber mat things that fit twin beds they are covered with soft flannel like material you get Terri when ones gets wet change out dry one on throw other in wash

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You can also try the grey Depends that look like underwear. My husband seem to accept them to the white Depends. We had a problem with him at first, we had to hide his regular underwear. We tried putting them inside his underwear and then he was fine. We replace his underwear with the grey Depends in his drawer and told him we had to buy new underwear because the others were all stain.
Been there, and tried different ways to change to Depends. Good Luck, I hope some of the things we did will help. It is frustrating when they can be stubborn.

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My mother in law has incontinence and takes medication. She still wets her clothes so we use Depends(Walmart or Sam's brand) pull ups instead of panties( we call them panties). She did not like them at first saying they were hot and would take them of at night when she was in bed. She wears them all the time now and has forgotten that they are hot. She still wets the bed sometimes at night but we try not to let her have too much to drink after about 6:00 PM. We have to change the sheets and wash the mattress pad 3-4 times a week but it could be worse.

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I am having the same problems with my husband urinating in his under pants during the day and also nights. I have bought depends he refuse to wear them. I have tried to hide them but he rants and raves so much. He has a terrible temper . Are there any one out there dealing with this?

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I bought the men's Depends but he won't wear them. He's only had one more accident since mid-June and that was just a few days ago when he crawled over the tailgate of our truck and fell on his back. He couldn't get up and I didn't know where he was. My son and I found him and he was ok, but he had wet himself. So, it's not a big problem, yet. Thanks for all the hints and advice. I am learning what works and what doesn't, and when I become 'parental' rather than 'wifely' he seems to respond better. So, I may just have to become very strict and tell him he has to wear protection or he can't go to bridge. Not sure if it will work or not, but his behavior is wearing me down, that's for sure. So far, MotherMyrtle his anger is short lived and not a real problem. Maybe the doctor could give him something to calm him down. We are all traveling down uncharted roads and none of us really knows what to expect next. But, I'm sure it's much harder on the patient, when they are still aware that something is very wrong but they have no control over it. Today, he was looking for a credit card and when I asked why he said he might want to buy something. I told him he can't shop unless my son or I is with him and we'll see he has money. But I know he feels as though he has lost control of his life, which he has. What he doesn't understand is that I've also lost control of mine. I know we can do this.......

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Mothermyrle, I bought the pads to put inside his underwear and that worked for a while. Then we moved to Depends, he didn't want anything to do with them, then we went to the grey Depends and told him they were his new underwear.

Debbie, my husband would want to carry his wallet and I was afraid he would drop it or leave it. I put $1.00 bills in his wallet and took out the credit cards. I told him we were paying cash for everything now. I don't now how aware your husband is but mine would see ten $1.00 bills and thought he had a lot of money. He no longer carries his wallet. I would rather he lost ten dollars than a credit card.

Good luck to both of you. I know how frustrating both can be. We have to put our thinking hats on sometimes to figure out how to get around situations.

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About the cash/debit/credit cards. My husband hasn't had any cards or cash for at least a couple of years. We tried the bit of cash at a time idea and that became a problem because he worried when he lost it. Being without money of any kind still troubles him, especially when we've been out for lunch or some such thing. I try to act a bit surprised at his comment about not having a debit card, tell him he gave his card to me, so I could pay. He sometimes responds that he wants to pay so I just say, "well, it's your money" (which it is -- mine, too, but oh well . . .). That satisfies him and we're on to the next confused, muddled topic. Good luck! The challenges don't end, do they?

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I am having so many problems with my husband and his temper about his incontinence. I have tried to get him to use depends but he is so determend not to try them. I am starting radiology for my breast cancer next week. I feel so bad most of the time it is hard to deal with him, and have patience. I feel so bad for him but he will not let me out of his sight. He wants to go every time I leave the house even to the Dr. I feel I need some time alone but he dosen't want anyone around. He still likes to go out to eat or just to get out of the house but he dosen't want to go with anyone but me. I feel so alone at times.does any one else have these problems?

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MotherMyrle, I am so sorry that you are going through cancer treatments while having to deal with your husbands AD. I am not having the same problems. I do take my husband out but I also go out without him. Is there someone to stay with him when you are gone? I can't leave my husband alone for even a minute for fear of what he'll do. Also because he has fallen several times and has to be watched for that. Sometimes the person with AD can be like a recalcitrant child. I think I'd call the Alzheimer's Assoc in your area to find out if they have some kind of day care you could ease him into so you will be able to go to your treatments and dr. appts. without him. I don't know how he will react, but I become very stern with my husband when he wants to do something he is no longer allowed to do. I feel like his mother sometimes. He pouts and gets angry but it passes fairly quickly. He wants to drive the tractor and the mower which the doctors have said not to allow him to do. He doesn't understand since he was always able to do that. I wish I had some practical solutions for you, but I'd try the 'parental' response and see how it goes. We have to rethink our whole relationship with them and find whatever works. Good luck. Will keep you in my prayers, for your husband and for your cancer. You truly have been given a heavy burden. God Bless You.

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Mothermyrle, does he have the incontinence when you are out. I told my husband he had to wear Depends if he wanted to go. My husband follows me around too. The other day I made our bed and I turn to fold some clothes, turn back around, he had the covers down and in bed. So much for making the bed. So I went into the living room to pick up and I turn and almost ran into him. Shadow! Mine is afraid to be alone. I came out of the shower one morning and he was crying,he couldn't tell me why, but the rest of the day he was on my heals. I know it will get better and I keep that thought.
I know that is not much help,but I think it is something he is going thru.
I found a caregiver and my husband was upset because she was here,but she is so good with him. The daycares are to far away from me, but that would be great to get him into. It would be cheater and he would be able to socialize with others. Family near by or close friend?
You have a lot on your plate, I wish you well.

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