False Hope

I am certainly a new kid on the block when it comes to mets and this vital community.I am amazed at how many brave and intelligent women are supporting one another through encouragement and a very diverse information pipeline. I am still shell shocked by the about-face attitude and resignation I've encountered by doctors in my hometown.So, it's refreshing and I thank you for renewing my belief in one thing of which I'm certain: there is no such thing as "false" hope. ALL hope is valid. ("While the sick man lives, still there is hope. -Cicero)

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The only 'false' hope is expecting a cure. We all know there isn't one. But there is remission. There is time with our families, time for vacation, time to watch our kids grow up. We all hope for another day feeling good, another scan that shows improvement. We need that hope. It gets us out of bed in the morning and through another day. It is what brings us up when cancer pulls us down.

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Just want to raise my kids. That's all.By then, maybe there will be better curative therapies..

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I expect a cure, I don't think that is false hope. I expect to not have another episode of mets or and live healthy until I am 99.

I know that I may have to deal with life differently than what I hope will happen but I shoot for the moon...why not.

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Hope is something that each of us has to find for ourselves. I don't think anyone else can give us hope, only the knowledge to be able to find hope. The worst part about the whole secondary cancer experience is that it focuses on death too much. Yes, we are all going to die, but we all knew that anyway (the only inevitabilities are death and taxes) and now we KNOW that, but with breast cancer that is not an immediate death sentence.

I appreciate that doctors don't want to give false hope, but they could give some hope and also information about where we can go to find it. It is us who have to come to terms with having cancer, but it would take some of the panic and fear out of it if we were given an indication of what we can do to empower and help ourselves. I at least had some idea of where to look from information sent to my best friend who died of stomach cancer 6 years ago. Sadly the information was too late for her, but when I was dx I knew where to start looking.

It was reading Jane Plant's "Your Life in Your Hands" that really gave me empowerment. Others don't agree with her approach, but it made perfect sense to me. Healing has to come from within as well as through conventional medicine. It actually no longer bothers me that I may not live to be very old, but those are just numbers. What matters now is the quality of the years that I have, the fulfillment and achievement, the joy and personal peace. All these are small things which make each day worthwhile. There are days that I can have all these things and I just have to struggle through but I don't see these as lost days as I have made it to the next day. I will never win an Olympic Gold Medal, but I got a medal from walking 5km for Cancer Research UK and it means a lot to me, as does the generosity of those who sponsored me. The world may never acknowledge my genius (and it is their loss after all..!) but I am happy with myself - what more can you want in life?

Enjoy the anniversary of us finally getting rid of some pesky colonials! God Bless America and God Save the Queen...

Vicki xxx

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Dearest Hitekbaby

I also have a young child. I have HOPE and LIVE each day. The world is so ever changing, just like the treatment for all forms of breast cancer.

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I was diagnosed right before my daughter (only child) went to college, she graduated two months ago. That was my main goal, getting her independent.

Now I am living each day for me.

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Hitekbaby, how dare those doctors dole out death! We all live on hope to one degree or another. Some for a cure, some for improved treatment, some just to see their kids soar. Our most immediate goal is to live healthy lives each day so we can avail ourselves of every new option that presents itself. Have you thought of what you will say to these doctors when they give you the inevitable, "I didn't think you would make it this long"?

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I was thinking the same things as Deanie. If I didn't have a Doctor who believed in hope for me, all the other hope in the world wouldn't be enough for me. I have to know that my oncologist fighting and researching for ME. Why would I believe in treatments proposed by a Dr. who didn't believe they would work?
This journey is hard enuf, dear, you have to have a doctor you can believe in and trust. Maybe you could check in near by towns? Good luck.

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