Infertile and pissed off by a co-worker

zoune
  • By zoune · March 3, 2010 at 4:21 pm · 20 replies
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I have PCOS diagnosed since I was 13. I get periods only with birth control pills or Provera. I suffer from Diabetes and high blood pressure, all related to PCOS. Yet I hope that one day I would experience carrying a child in my womb. I want to be mother from childbirth and not from adoption. A co-worker aggravated me so bad yesterday by telling me " Once you adopt God will bless you with your own " I told her that's not my wish yet. She said " You're too sick anyway to carry a child to term." I just walk out of the break room.

Edited March 3, 2010 at 4:37 pm

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20 replies   

bhmtnbiker

Wow. All I can say is try to forgive the coworker for their insensitivity and stupidity. Hang in there!

esperando

That is awful! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that- especially at work!

A-pair-n-2-spares

I've had PCOS all my life too, from age 11, and while I don't have diabetes, I have other concerns. You aren't in this alone.

I would just consider the co-worker ignorant of the situation you live every day with. Your co-worker is among the many idiots who assume adoption somehow changes your body chemistry. Consider the source and continue to walk away from idiocy, you did just the right thing.

MENTS

I am 5 weeks away from my 4th child... it IS possible. I have a cousin who has very severe diabetes and has two children (courtesy of IVF/ICSI) and all have "survived" beautifully. People do it every day.

END MENTS

I hope that you get your family YOUR way, and soon.

Lisa

Harmonywithreiki1 (Inactive)
  • By Harmonywithreiki1 (Inactive)
  • Reply 240510
  • March 3, 2010 at 10:17 pm
  • Report post

Grrrrrrrrr.........some people.......many people do not understand if:(


ments...............
I have pcos......dx years ago. Have to also take bcp/provera/prometrium to start menses. We ttc for 5yrs and am 18wks4days today. IT CAN HAPPEN!
end ments..............

Hang in there and keep your head up!

ineeditback

You DID do the right thing. Feel good that you didn't stoop to her level of insensitivity.

Follow your heart. :~}

cribaby

Stupid people suck. I have some in my office too. Some are even people i thought were my friend. Sorry man. I wish we could ship all the stupid people off to an island.

kb30

Why do people feel the need to comment on things that are NONE of their business!? Ugh...how annoying. Hang in there.

sunnybe

I'm so sorry.....insensitive people suck! Just be strong and keep your faith....

Tabby

Oh that statement is offensive on so many levels.

I am sorry about your PCOS. I hope the other ladies have given you some encouragement. My problem was high FSH so I am not well versed in PCOS.

I just want to say, as a very happy adoptive mom.... Thank You. Thank you for knowing you are not ready and that you might not ever be ready to adopt.

Adoption is beautiful and special and I admire you for knowing that you are not ready to give up on your dream of childbirth.

I hate when people say, Adopt and God will bless you with a child of your own. Adoption is not a second best choice you accept in the hopes of getting what you really want. My child is my own and after meeting her, I am so glad I never got pregnant.

Ok, thats my rant. Back to you..... I very sincerely hope you get the child of your dreams.

At the risk of giving you stupid advice you might have already gotten..... have you read the Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis.... it talks a lot about diet and how to reduce sugar levels. If this is something you already know... I am sorry for suggesting it.

Take Care,
TAB

DatimeIsNow

Have you ever heard the saying "Ignorance is bliss" Although your cowork came across as dimwitted, stupid and uncaring, she is just ignorant of your situation. You did the right thing for you at the time, walk away but the next time try to educate her w/o stooping to her level. Do it in a way that she will hopefully realize that not only what she says but how she says them can be hurtful and insensitive. She may not have meant to be. There are a lot of times that some people open there mouths and insert both feet w/o using their brains. Stay blessed and hang in there.

Dee

sidhedraoi

I have Endometriosis, we are still running tests to confirm if I am infertile or not. I too want a family but after trying for a year I've had no results other than my Endometriosis becomming worse.

The way I see it, women who get pregnant just by touching a man are very stuck up when dealing with infertile women. All my friends are pregnant and half of them have had sex with these men not often at all... I envy them because I try and cant even concieve.

Then they want to tell me its weird that I ask so many questions about it and always want to touch their bellies. which I'm sure it gets annoying yes, but i'm so fascinated by it. They'll never know what its like to want something so badly yet knowing theres a big possibility that it may never happen for you...

I hope you find peace on your journey
-Laura

AngelaC

Zoune,

I have PCOS too and while I have decided not to have children, I have lived in 4 states and each OB/GYN I've had has told me the same thing: PCOS does NOT mean that you can't get pregnant, it just makes it a little more difficult. All of my doctors have told me that it would take at least 6 months after stoping birth control pills before I would have a chance to be pregnant, and then the next step would be to try gonadtropin injections (a hormone that basically 'ripens' your eggs for ovulation). Think of all the fun you will have trying to get pregnant! Good way to get your cardio in! ;)

Sorry that you have an ignorant co-worker. Maybe she was just trying to show her concern for your health and your stress but not good at expressing it? Anyway, I would have walked out of the room too.

Hang in there - being in this forum will definitely help you on your quest to get yourself healthy and prepared to nurture your own child.

Best wishes,
Angela

casamatia

Have Faith, No matter what you hear...

lunglady
  • By lunglady
  • Reply 240960 · In reply to 240538 by cribaby
  • March 4, 2010 at 4:56 pm
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Zoune,
You aren't "too sick" for anything! You have challenges; but, who doesn't. As the others have said, PCOS makes everything more work, but not impossible. Diabetes increases some risks and means you have to be more diligent in your self-management, but you can do that! Haven't you done it already?

Feel sorry for anyone that ignorant of health matters and that lacking in compassion and common sense. She needs a nanny for her mouth!

Note to cribaby: The island idea is good, but I don't think they made one big enough! (and all the ones we do have would sink from over-crowding!!!)

Live long and prosper!

GOISU1

What your co-worker said, I have also heard many times, from my own mother even!
Then, when we decided to adopt, not so we would get pregnant, but because that is how we knew we would find our child, everyone we told had a story about someone who got pregnant after they adopted.
Most people mean well, but have no idea what they are talking about. Unfortunately, she probably won't be the last person to say it to you.

I am glad that you recognize that adoption isn't for you, at least not at this time. We all have to choose the path that is right for us. Tabby, I agree with everything you said!

Also, I feel your pain with the diabetes. I am Type 2 and know the stress of infertility can wreak havoc on your blood sugar levels, which doesn't help ttc. It was a viscous cycle for me. Hang in there!

Kelly

IzzyB

Let me see if I can say this right...

It has been my experience that people who have never had to deal with infertility don't know what to say to people who are dealing with it. They seem to say things like "you can always do blah blah blah..." to lighten the stress of the conversation. At least that is what I found out when I had my miscarriages. They simple don't know how to handle something they think is so natural. When in fact, having a healthy baby is a gift.

Don't give up your dream of having a baby and don't ever let anyone take that dream away from you.

ActingLoud

MENTS!



People are dumb! I have PCOS too, but it was discovered later in life. I had a Gyn tell me if I got PG that I would get GD, high blood pressure and you most likley will die....this knowing she had never even tested me when I told her for yrs I didn't get periods, etc....

Don't give up! I found a new doc and have a 4 yr old and although it took another 3 yrs, we are pg with #2!

SaraM

Okay, a couple things come to mind that I would've said to her but it's very good that you just walked away. Saying anything wouldn't have helped the matter. She's ignorant. Very ignorant.

langeduciel

Dear Lovely Lady,

May I start with a compliment? I like your user name! Would you pronounce it "Ju-Nay"? What does it mean?

The awful, horrible "rub" about infertility is that most of the people you interact with on a daily basis have absolutely NO IDEA what a devastating blow it is! They don't realize it is a disease and there's no "sensitivity" training on how to interact with the people who suffer from infertility.

At my work place we go through all kinds of training about sensitivity for those with "challenges" -- for example, all kinds of cancer, espcially breast and prostate, loss of a limb, body disfigurement, acne scars! (oh, yes! Never shall the words "crater face" be spoken even when telling a joke!), bullying, sexual harrassment (including same sex--I live in the San Francisco Bay Area)--NEVER has there been ANY discussion in any group that I interact with about infertility.

I tried talking to my pastor--he's a guy (with 3 kids)--what does he know?! Tried a few trusted female members in my church--they all have kids! What do they know?! Certainly they can sympathize and pray with me, which is "nice" for the moment, but it's just a moment--I have to live with this everyday for the rest of my life! You've had to live with this since adolesence (probably since your first period!).

What's worse, is that NOT EVEN MY OWN MOTHER... MY BEST FRIEND...THE ONE WHO LOVES ME MORE THAN ANY PERSON ON THIS EARTH...CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND!

It's a very lonely and isolating place to be, isn't it? I can only offer a hug and a thank GOD for this website that provides a place to interact and vent and find others in our boat!

You were right to simply walk away from your co-worker. I've had to do that many times. Below is a link to a post I wrote in November last year--I was reeling with anger at a co-worker!

http://www.inspire.com/groups/finding-a-resolution-for-infertility/discussi on/hating-on-people-at-work-major-rant/?recommend

I hope you have a lovely weekend. If it's sunny where you live, download some of your favorite, enthusiastic music and go for a lovely walk by a lake, on the beach, or in nature. Replace that ugly thought that someone said to you with something absolutely positive and affirming about YOU (India Arie has some really great tunes about loving your "flaws", and the song "Gotta Be" by Desree, how about J.Lo's "Throwin' on my Loubatin's!" and Fergie with "Fergalicious, Lady Lumps, and Glamorous Life"). It's all about YOU, sistah!

AND DON'T GIVE A SECOND THOUGHT TO THE UGLY THING THAT WAS SAID TO YOU!!!!

Love and hope to you.

Faith_2010

Some Frogs had a competition 2 climb the highest mountain. Some ran..
Most of the frogs shouted " Its impossible"
But one frog reached the Top.

How?

He was Deaf !

Be deaf to negative words...

I have PCOS, i have cried may nights but today I am pregnant - 4 months.

All our fears & insults bring us closer to peace...

Love & Light,
Faith

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