“You order red dog, you eat red dog!” Shroomsville Experiment UPDATE

“You order red dog, you eat red dog!”

I’m off the Red Reishi Mushroom bandwagon.

It does not work.

The only thing it seems to benefit is the person selling it.

As you may have read (re-printed below) I had started a regimen of taking Red Reishi Mushroom tea to see if it would have any kind of positive impact on my health based on the claims that hover around this shroom in ancient and more-recent rabid-foaming-at-the-mouth hippie-dippie braided-underarm hair texts (See: WholePaycheck Market supplemental pamphlet on All Natural Cure-Alls availble HERE for Purchase and Why George W. Bush is to Blame for Birkenstock Toe Fungus)

The fact is I have experienced four (4) Sarcoidosis flare-up spikes in the weeks that I have been religiously consuming this shroom brew. That is far more frequent than average for me. I wrote the first severe flare-up off as the oft referred “healing crisis” effect… a term which my logical mind has always had a problem with, because, quite frankly, it does not make any sense. As if a disease suddenly decides its peed-off that you are taking something to get well so it decides to purposely get worse in retaliation? Gimme a break.

Me: “Behold, I will take this tablet of beetle dung to reduce the swelling in my cranium!”

Headache: “Oh yeah? Try to medicate ME will ya? Why I’ll make your life THRICE as bad now!”

Me: “Alas! Oh agony! My headache is now horribly WORSE because I was foolish enough to pop a pill.”

Unwashed Internet Alternative Medicine Guru (as played by Keanu Reeves) "Fear not, totally -in-pain-dude. This is merely a healing crisis and your increased agony is proof positive that ingesting beetle dung is working! Chah! Peace. Rock on!... got a dube?”

Sorry. I’m not buying it.

Initially I was dubiously hopeful that perhaps there was something out there that may just “take the edge off” the Sarc symptoms… but it was only a winsome endeavor. I would not be satisfied with a “placebo effect” because a placebo effect only lasts as long as you have convinced yourself to ignore reality. And eventually reality is going to come crashing down on your little denial-party with forty pounds of inflated lymph nodes and all the ass-dragging that entails.

I simply applied the “Aspirin Rule” to the Red Reishi Mushroom Experiment. The “Aspirin Rule” is this: I expect a certain “reasonable” amount of effectiveness from popping two aspirin for a given aliment, lets say, a headache. Does the aspirin provide noticeable relief in a reasonable amount of time? Can I reproduce the same results? Does my headache get better or worse? Is the affect of the aspirin worth trotting out and purchasing again?

The Red Reishi Mushroom tea failed to deliver on any of those counts, and, inversely, my flare-ups seemed to spike more than average. I don’t blame the tea for my spikes, in fact I don’t think the tea did anything at all except cost me a few shekels, some refrigerator room, and my time making it. Truth be told, I had given the Red Reishi Mushrooms a lot of wiggle room in expectations. Alas… FAIL.

I have decided not to give it more time because of the recent spikes in flare-ups. It simply is having zero effect. And this is not the only evidence against it, there are other common sense arguments:

Surely, like other miracle cure-alls, several reputable pharmaceutical companies would be all over it, farming the shrooms by the tens of thousands of acres? Selling it for a premium? …little bottles of it in every medicine cabinet all over the world for the last 2000 years? Like aspirin?

I find a disturbing common thread in substances that are touted to have “cure-all” advertising… (1) They “must be taken religiously, forever” or else they stop working. (2) If they do not seem to work, Its your fault. YOU are not doing something right (ie: your taking the wrong kind, not preparing it right, you were wearing sock monkeys at the time of harvest moon, etc.) (3) If you are not experiencing a health benefit.. you need to take either MORE or TAKE IT LONGER.

All of these things seem to benefit the credibility of the proponents more than the patient. And the proponents are usually the purveyors. The shopkeepers. They guys separating you from your dollar. (Wink!)

Now I paid for what I got. I ordered Red Reishi Mushroom (dried and sliced) and that is what I got. I was well aware that I was ordering mushrooms and NOT a cure. So I am not complaining. It was my decision to experiment, and I did.

What I have concluded is that the experiment did not produce any positive effects. So I have terminated the experiment. I will not entertain the postulation that Red Reishi Mushrooms have a positive effect on Sarcoidosis… at least not any better than chance, as Sarcoidosis waxes and wanes from good to bad and back and forth again on its own.

I think I will keep my money in my pocket, or save it for a bottle of aspirin or ibuprofen (which at least has consistent reproducible results.) There is one kind of “Alternative Medicine” that I can really get behind, and that is the third alternative to do nothing. I’ll take that over Prednisone or Reishi Mushrooms or Beetle Dung any day.

Ps. If you are a Red Reishi Mushroom fanatic, please do not post here about your experiences, products, or methods. To quote the ineffable Jack Nicholson “Sell crazy someplace else; we’re all stocked up here.”

— My name is theGardener; I have two dogs, a cat, and sarcoidosis.

"Don't just complain... Be a Snarky Sarkie!" Click Here!

Read More of TheGardener's Journal Here.

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Shroomsville Experiment – UPDATE Day 24, Week Four

Hey there, all you dubious and hopeful mushroom monitors out there! Just a little note for this, the 4th week on Red Reishi tea, and the rama-lama-ding-dongifications that entails. Just to recap, I brew about a gallon at a time and decant the tea into two convenient dispensers (mushrooms included) and keep them in the fridge for convenience, this pre-made supply lasts just under a week. I drink one hot cup in the morning, and one in the evening... or cold, straight out of the bottle... with the fridge door open, guzzling it sloppily as men do while my wife berates me for doing what men do, hoping I will reform myself someday (yeah, like a dog is going to stop licking his .... anytime soon, sheesh)

Anyway, for those technocrats out there I have been trying, in my own boorish, layman's way, to keep the preparations and doses consistent for home science's sake (sure go ahead and laugh, but that never stopped Louie Pasteur from making his own smelly experiments in his wife's fridge with belly button lint... or Madame Curie from sitting too close to the television... or Beakman from shacking up with a giant rat from Brooklyn... but I digress...) I weigh out exactly 30 grams of dried mushroom on an electronic scale (don't ask) and measure the water carefully before combining in a stainless steel pot. I bring it to a rolling boil and reduce to a simmer for exactly 1 hour 30 minutes.

"So, get on with it, Gardener! Tell us how you feel!"

At this point I can tell you that I have not really noticed any profound difference in the waxing and waning of symptoms. In week two I did seem to have an acute flare-up that was unusually bad, like a spike, but that faded fast at week three. Now, THEY (the mushroom mongers, homeopaths, and other unshaven, armpit braided denizens of WholePaycheck food markets) claim that this is a "curative relapse" and proof that that said tea (or tincture, herb, voodoo, pilate, lemon grass, cow pasture grass, yoga, pachouli oil, hookah water, etc) is working its jolly green goodness... but of course, that may all be hoo-ha, and just a coincidence. And I am inclined to belive just that.

Now, my wife claims that she has seen a difference in me since riding the Red Reishi express. But, of course, because she knows I have been doing it, this makes her just as susceptible to the placebo effect as I am; unconsciously "looking" or "hoping" for a detectable change. She claims I have been less moody, less colicky, and generally in better spirits... but, as a matter of coincidence, my 19 year old son just moved out of the house... taking his smelly, teenage boy funk and angst with him... so that might explain why my mood is better. It's probably not the mushrooms... but, ironically, the lack of teenage athletes fungus, thats lifting my spirits.

Shrooms 0, Life 2

Of course, to be fair, we have at least 12 weeks to go for a definitive judgement. If, in fact, the volatile botanical molecules need to slowly build up in one's system, then more time and patience is in order. Now for those of you out there poo-poohing the notion that a mushroom or a tea can possibly affect one's health, let me remind you that coffee is a tea made from crushed and steeped beans, and any Liberal Blogger frothing out the mouth after a double-decker-black-java stint at the his local Starbucks will attest... tea can most definitely affect one's metabolism, especially after being arrested for stomping one's laptop in public because the wi-fi froze up. And, needless to say, popping an unknown mushroom in your mouth may affect your metabolism by making you quite dead quite fast. The immediate families of these former woodland skipping gourmands will attest for them, seeing that they now reside very, very, close to mother nature. Momma was right: "Don't stick things in your mouth."

So, if you will all be patient, I will check in after a time and give you an update. Whether we suddenly drive the world stock value up on Red Reishi in the future, or whether we dismiss it to a dream sequence in a 1970's episode of Kung Fu, remains to be seen...

Young Kwai Chang Caine:
"Master, what is Red Reishi?"

Master Po:
"It is a painful condition on your bum"

Young Kwai Chang Caine:
"No, Master, not red rash... the mushroom, Lingzhi."

Master Po:
"Ahhh... Lingzhi! Why does this concern you, young Grasshopper?"

Young Kwai Chang Caine:
"I have heard it has miraculous curative powers, Master."

Master Po:
"Grasshopper... the Sage teaches: Do what only the dove must do not to swim, but, like the ant, only within ourselves can we overcome the chi like the dancing water buffalo."

Young Kwai Chang Caine:
"I have no idea what you just said."

Master Po:
"Then I will have to Kung Fu your little body. Hiiiii -YAH!"

Cue Sound Effect: Gong.


— My name is theGardener; I have two dogs, a cat, and sarcoidosis.

"Don't just complain... Be a Snarky Sarkie!" Click Here!

Read More of TheGardener's Journal Here.

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Shroomsville Experiment Diary – Day One, Week One

Okay dokie… so here it is, all laid out. Lets re-cap from a couple of other posts and threads.

Shroomsville… Duuuude!
A recent post on our beloved site caught my interest and set me off on one of my spontaneous fact finding missions on the factless and unreliable internet. The subject was Reishi. Specifically Red Reishi. Even more specifically Língzhī (Ganoderma lucidum) a bracket fungus (mushroom, to the rest of us) that has been used in traditional Chinese medicine for nigh over 4000 years. According to Shen Nong's Herbal Classic, a 2000-year old medicinal Chinese book considered today as the oldest book on oriental herbal medicine (because the Chinese really don’t consider anything younger than 1000 worth talking about) this mushroom is considered Number one in the Superior category of herbs with benefits and little or no side effects (This should not be confused with the Chinese American “one from column ‘A’ and one from column ‘B’) Good ol’ Shen didn’t screw around and he gave this half-a-frisbee shroom top billing in a book of thousands of curatives. It is renowned, among a myriad of other things, as an immune system ‘normalizer.’ And that specifically caught my eye, because we Sarkies need something to get our immune systems out of “Red Alert” mode and arrest the little @%#$ that keeps pulling the alarm. Thus, I ordered some dried whole Red Reishi Mushrooms from an (wait for it)…
Ooooooorgaaaaaaanic Mushroom Farm up in perpetually damp British Columbia. And, No, I did not accept the complimentary Hemp Man Bag and Hookah with my order.

According to popular lore, the mushrooms contain all kinds of beneficial chemical compounds that treat everything from AIDS to Herpes Zoster… But, while it might seem convenient to order dried, crushed, powdered, and capsulated Reishi for convenience, its worthless. Worthless because these miracle molecular Mardi Gras beads are locked up in a substance called chitin, and need to be either brewed (steeped in hot water) or coaxed out in alcohol (gin?) to release all their 4000 year old goodness. But either way, there is no denying the stuff will taste very very bitter. As mentioned, “like tasting black coffee for the first time.” So I decided to take the shroom shop’s advise and brew up a good gallon or two of the nasty tea and refrigerate it. Then I swallow it at will, holding my nose if necessary. If there is any noticeable difference in how I feel I will report it here. Anyone that reads my journal knows theGardener is very dubious of Patchouli Oil Sally’s Yasgur's Farm Re-Fried Herbal Cures and anyone like her. But, the Chinese have over a billion people running around… and you don’t get that with a sickly population eating Diet Coke or Red Bull for breakfast… so maybe. Maaaaay-beeeee…


Post:
I just ordered some dried red reishi mushrooms... gonna make the nasty tea and give it a whirl for 4 months and see if I notice any noticeable difference in my well-being.

When the stuff arrives I'll give you all a play by play of my foray into shroomsville. Wait until I receive my order before you take a chance.

—TeeGee

Post:
My dried shrooms arrived last night, professionally packaged and nicely arranged.... somebody on the other end obviously takes pride in what they do. That's a good thing.

Opening the package, my wife and I found that they smelled woody and pleasant... the dried slices are as hard as cardboard.

As the site suggests, we took about 15 pieces and put them in a stainless steel pot with about 5 cups of spring water and let them sit over night with the pot cover on. This morning, I've brought the water and mushrooms to a rolling boil and then turned the heat way down to simmer them for 45 minutes...

more later…

Yummy… in a won ton soup kinda way
So after about 45 minutes of simmering, I turn off the heat and check out my “tea.” Immediately upon uncovering the pot, the aroma is still pleasant and has that savory, earthy quality to it that all good real mushroom soups have (not speaking of Campbell’s Cream of Cardiac Arrest Mushroom Glop) but good shitake or oyster mushroom soups… and with that distinctive woodland overtone, like a dash of truffle oil. Anyway, the color is nice reddish brown and clear, not unlike a well-steeped Earl Gray. I ladle a cupful and braced myself for the bitterness I was forewarned about.

But nothing jumped out at me. No real bitterness that I was expecting… very very little, like an aftertaste, not like a grapefruit or anything. My wife’s French Roast coffee is 100 more bitter by comparison. No, actually the flavor is quite pleasant. Again, more savory like a soup or broth, than a tea. In fact, it has a distant overtone of a won ton soup like flavor, or a really light mushroom broth. Nice.

So nice, in fact, that I have a second cup before I leave for work. Followed by a glass of fresh orange juice, because I had read that the Vitamin C (ascorbic acid) helps the body to absorb the ancient Chinese herbal goodness in the reishi tea. I pour the rest of the tea, shrooms and all, into a clean covered pitcher and put it in the fridge. I’ve stored the unused dried shrooms in a ziplock freezer bag in the freezer. Off to work.

In the hours following there has been no immediate feelings or reactions. No remission of symptoms or dancing bears. No psychedelic rainbow trails on the traffic passing by, nor checkerboard chess games on my thumb. So far, just a nice warm comfort from an enjoyable tea. As was expected.

The plan is to ingest a cup a day for 4 months and then discontinue for a month or indefinitely depending on the verdict. I have trouble enough admitting when I have had too much caffeine, and those affects are like fireworks, so noticing any affect from the reishi tea that is anything other than wishful thinking, coincidence, or the placebo effect will be challenging. I know what a full remission of symptoms feels like, I have had many. Its like the elephant decides to get off of you and meander to some other sitting place.

Apparently, there are only two ways to unlock the goodies in reishei (capsules are useless) One is to make a tea, the other is to make a tonic (steep in booze for a couple of weeks) I’m not a big boozer and not very patient. That leaves me with making the tea. It’s a minor ordeal… lets see if it pays off. And at $20 for 7 oz of dried shrooms (about 60 servings by my math) only time will tell if it’s a good investment of time and money.


— My name is theGardener; I have two dogs, a cat, and sarcoidosis.

"Don't just complain... Be a Snarky Sarkie!" Click Here!

Read More of TheGardener's Journal Here.