The Sarcoidosis Fairy Tale Reader

The Sarcoidosis Fairy Tale Reader

The Sarkie Princess and the Frog
Once upon a time there was a beautiful young Princess, but all she could do was sit by the babbling brook and cough her brains out from dawn until dusk.

Then one day a frog hopped up beside the Princess and said, “Oh, you poor girl, you have Sarcoidosis and will surly be miserable the rest of your days. But fear not, for I am a handsome Prince with, hereunto, arcane knowledge of how to cure autoimmune diseases. But, unfortunately, I was turned into a frog by an jealous pharmaceutical company. If you will but kiss me, the spell will be broken and I will happily cure you.”

The Princess saw that, indeed, the frog was warty, slimy, and uncomely… but what the heck, the Princess was a trusting soul and you never knew what kind of riches came along with a restored, medically savvy Prince. So she picked up the frog, closed her eyes and kissed him.

When she opened her eyes she was still holding a frog by the foot. “You have deceived me, you vile lout!” the Princess said. But the frog pleaded, “I don’t understand? It should have… wait, try again. But this time kiss me… there.”

“There?” the Princess said bewildered.

“Ummmm, yeah, there. I’m sure that would do it. Then I may cure you of your awful Sarcoidosis.”

“Oh, all right.” Agreed the Princess. So she puckered, and smooched.

Nothing. The frog was the same, albeit quite pleased. “Oh dear, perhaps if you kissed me a little more… here, but slower. Take your time…”

“Forget it, pal.” The Princess growled and tossed the frog to her pet Rottweiler Samson. And the deceitful frog lived out his days as a very unhappy squeaky toy.

As for the Princess, her coughing fits subsided over time on their own, and she eventually shacked up with a rather habit-forming toad that made everything seem dreamy and kind of psychedelic when licked. And they lived happily ever after, with the exception of an occasional flare-up. The end.

The Sarkie Gingerbread Man
Once upon a time there was an old woman who lived alone so she decided to bake a gingerbread man for company. She formed his eyes out of raisins and his buttons of sugar. When he had baked long enough she went to open the oven, but to her surprise the little gingerbread man popped out on his own and ran across the floor.

He taunted the old woman, “Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the (coff! Coff!) ginger (coff!) bread man! You old crone!” A rather nasty gingerbread man he was, and he ran to the doorway.

The old woman called to him, “Wait! I forgot to tell you, you have sugar buttons, raisin eyes, and Sarcoidosis!”

The gingerbread man only paused to make a nasty hand gesture and said, “Run, (coff!) run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the (coff! Coff!) gingerbread man!” And he sped out the door as fast as his two little legs could carry him.

Not more than five feet into the dooryard the gingerbread man collapsed, sweating profusely, trying to catch his breath. He felt like crap and his heart was palpitating wildly behind his little sugar buttons. Thereupon, the old woman’s cat easily gobbled him up, which was quite a site because the cat was old and slow with no teeth. The end.

The Old Sarkie Woman that Lived in a Shoe
There once was an old woman with Sarcoidosis that lived in a shoe and she had so many children, she did not know what to do; and none of the energy to do it anyway because her Sarcoidosis had her laid out on the couch most of the day while the kids ran amok all over the place.

So she went to visit her primary care provider to ask his opinion. Unfortunately, the doctor knew nothing about Sarcoidosis and mumbled something about “female problems” then proceeded to prescribe anti-depressants and handed her a pamphlet on family planning.

Frustrated, the old woman insisted that her eldest boy forget about harvesting turnips for market and become a lawyer. Thereupon, the boy, having graduated law school, sued the doctor for mal-practice and the old woman moved into a rather snappy Italian leather pump, found a new Sarcoidosis specialist, and lived happily ever after. The End.

— My name is theGardener; I have two dogs, a cat, and sarcoidosis.

"Don't just complain... Be a Snarky Sarkie!" Click Here!

Read More of TheGardener's Journal Here.

By Sharon77
Posted January 28, 2009 at 1:32 pm
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You are a genius! I have never laughed so hard at a disease as I am right now!!! I like the analogy from bigjoe. I just recently joined this site and I am glad that I did. Thanks Mr. Gardener for your insight and humor in the dreaded disease of Sarcoid.
Sharon

By martzj
Posted January 28, 2009 at 1:58 pm
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Dearest G,

"Frustrated, the old woman insisted that her eldest boy forget about harvesting turnips for market and become a lawyer. Thereupon, the boy, having graduated law school, sued the doctor for mal-practice and the old woman moved into a rather snappy Italian leather pump, found a new Sarcoidosis specialist, and lived happily ever after. The End."

hhahahaha So...tis snarky fairy tales today! Lucky us!

Any new Swiffer stories to 'tale'? He has embedded himself in my heart since that posting. : )

salude,
Jaynie

By Paradox
Posted January 28, 2009 at 2:40 pm
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Enjoyed the fairy tales greatly. I know they are purely fictional, though as in real life the frog would have a net income worth more than the sarcoidosis research funding.

Well done

By GreenMan
Posted January 28, 2009 at 7:07 pm
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OK, TeeGee; now my family members AND a friend in another state are hooked on your columns . . . You rock.
If laughter is the best medicine, you can be my doc.

Jeff

By Cora42
Posted January 29, 2009 at 6:01 am
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As usual your humor and wit have carried me back to a place in my life where laughter and fun ruled our day. It certainly helps pass the time during this long and cold winter . Thanks for the boost.

Always,
Cora

By Kathleen_Geaghan
Posted January 30, 2009 at 8:42 am
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Thank you very much! I sure enjoy a good laugh first thing in the morning! It was great (cof) (cof) to laugh(cof)! Have a good one! Hugs, Kathy

By exultant
Posted January 30, 2009 at 11:13 am
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TeeGee -- Great stuff!

Thank you for the laugh and brightening my day, especially since brain fog is pissing me off.

BTW, the first frog sounds like my current pulmonary specialist. :)

By Renee3
Posted January 30, 2009 at 11:25 am
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That was good. I'm inspired. hahahah I am a special ed teacher or rather was, presently I'm a "coidite" a particularly slow moving, profusely hacking, mighty tired, (should I say it? depressed individual; no,a muchof the time sad individual), also one who is in massive pain (although recently a Dr. told me Sarcoidosis does NOT cause pain), so I'm confused now as to why my chest feels like someone or thing is putting a knife in it and turning and twisting it and the pain in such that the Pain Management folks have given me drugs of the like that one has to wonder "will I lose all my brain cells?".

Wouldn't it be fun to start a group play. Give folks parts and let them write them. A Sarcoidosis Theatre........, Boy I wish I had my life back, I miss the children I helped. i was and will be again one crazy teacher. My kids and I laughed a lot while i taught them, however; the teaching part was a secret, they did't know it was happening. I know now what a bunch of those poor kids were going through with drug changes, fatigue and all.

I believe I'm blathering away and must stop. Thanks again for your stories; they were great

By yorkies123
Posted January 30, 2009 at 8:24 pm
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I also have sarc, but I want to tell you, you have a great writing talent! I always read your input. thanks--
also are you the shirt guy? IF so I bought one and like it a lot , going to wear it to my doc appt. next month

By carosu
Posted February 27, 2009 at 4:13 pm
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Hi The Gardner

Thank you. I began with this posting and then I noticed there was more of the same...so I started with #1 and I can't tell you how I enjoyed, and was impressed with, your talent. Wonderful.

I had a rheumatologist that actually came into my room, sat down, and wrote for 10 minutes. So I laughed at your doctor. The important word is AT.

Each one of the cartoons spoke to me personally. My favorite up till now is the doctor but I am only up to #25.

I am currently a shut-in (because it is -8 degrees today with blowing snow and invisible roads) so I was happy to find your postings. Are you a professional cartoonist? Thanks again. carosu

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