John Wayne is Dead and Oprah is Busy

John Wayne is Dead and Oprah is Busy

Just a forewarning, I’m feeling really cynical today. I would like to say that I’m one of those folks that flutter around with gossamer wings; ever positive; ever cheery; ever sympathetic; striving to touch glee and good will upon others with a gold-glitter papier-mâché star-tipped wand… But I ain’t. Sometimes Pollyanna needs a good swift kick in the ass so she’ll wake up and smell what’s burning.

One of the most profound things I was ever taught was this: “Most things in life are designed to ultimately separate you from your dollar.” Think about it. Everything from the innocence of Disney to that free subscription that you thought you won to Physicians Gone Wild magazine only to find a hefty $6.50 shipping and handling charge per issue. Now I realize that is a very sad statement, a very sad state of affairs, and when I was young and idealistic I pooh-poohed the notion…but alas, with age comes wisdom, hand in hand with hard-earned calluses. The dismal truth in the above statement becomes more and more apparent everyday…it’s like noticing the chipped plaster and chicken wire on your first adult visit to the Magic Kingdom; you try to get past the fact that Mickey Mouse is a pimple-faced teenager sweating in a suit that smells like the post-game locker room of the Green Bay Packers. "Please Lord, let me see it as a real live giant cartoon mouse again... (sigh.)"

But while living in perpetual denial may help some folks cope with terrible things; seeing things as they really are helps to get things dealt with. Sometimes, ya just gotta deal.

As a society, we seem to have spent so much time in the last thirty years “getting in touch with our feelings” that we have ironically abandoned some legitimate old-fashioned feelings that help keep the balance. Feelings like; Self-Sufficiency, Stalwartness, Shame, Assertiveness, Decorum, Fortitude, and my favorite; Guts.

No. Compared with previous generations that really had it bad, we are a soft-bellied herd of mewling, whiney, victim-minded, shortsighted, easily distracted, entertainment junkies. We want someone else to fix everything, and we want it done now. We look to assign blame everywhere regardless of circumstance and we believe each of us has the inalienable right to perfection without hardship. We want the rose garden AND the Barbie Malibu Dream House too. Just look a the collection of some thirty odd mooks running for president that really, truly, believe in their heart of hearts that it is their inalienable right to be the President. It’s their political party and they’ll cry if they want to…move over Paris Hilton, you aint seen nothing yet.

Yes, yes. I realize I’m painting with a very broad brush, but indulge me.

So whilst we are guilty (theGardener especially) of unabashedly seeking sympathy and attention from our loved ones when we feel ill and vulnerable from Sarcoidosis, there is a limit. There is a point where self-pity has all the effectiveness of spinning tires in red Georgia mud. There comes a time when one must blow one's honker one last time, put away the tissue box, stand up, assess the situation and take charge. No one can help you better than you can. And deep inside, if you push that big ratty security blanket aside (the pink one that smells like sour milk and funk) you will discover that you have a reservoir of adult power and adult resolve. The more you utilize it, the better you will feel. Because it’s not the outcome of the battle that matters, its how you fought it. It’s character. That’s what you will remember. That is what others will remember.

Don't have the strength? Find it.

Frightened? Be brave. Get aggressive.

Don't know where to turn? Look harder. Ask louder.

Want answers? Research them!

Doctor is abusive? Dump him. Get a new one. Dime a dozen.

Feel pitiful? You get another 10 minutes, then your pity points are up.

See the situation for what it is. Use time wisely. Stop waiting for folks to say "I love you and I care" ...Tell them first. Its what YOU say and do that matters.

People are always concerned about whether anybody cares about them; but then they care for themselves least of all.

Life is hard and painful, but there are rewards everyday. Quitting is easy, but you only get to do it once and the rewards are nil. Don’t go looking for John Wayne to push down the door and clock your doctor in the mush for mistreating you…John Wayne is dead. And so is anybody who even remotely resembles the man’s resolve and sense of fairness. Oprah won’t mobilize her book of the month club to rescue you from your woes; she’s too busy shooshing Stedman aside to make room for another Rubbermaid storage bin full of cold hard cash. Your cash. The cash you were separated from.

Get it?

So here's to you, my friend. "Guts and Fortitude."

Go get 'em, Tiger.

; )

— My name is theGardener, I have two dogs, a cat, sarcoidosis, and a soapbox.

"Don't just complain... Be a Snarky Sarkie!" Click Here!

Read More of TheGardener's Journal Here.

By dvoegele
Posted August 23, 2007 at 8:24 am
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Bravo Gardner,
I knew this stuff but sometimes (alot) I get stuck in my stuff and need to have
my head pulled out of my .....self.....
Sometimes I feel like screaming "But I have sarcoidosis how dare you people get on with your lifes".
Than I see people who have cancer, no hair, chemo treatments and a timeline. They are the ones who should be screaming but they don't. They fight their battle quitely bravely and like you say with "guts and fortitude".
Thank you
D

By rotorhead
Posted August 23, 2007 at 11:29 am
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I love your attitude, thanks for boosting me up I am so tried. But like you say keep going. I even worked overtime, hey I was sitting down and got a ride to my door.
Have bills 2 kids in college gotta keep on keeping on :-)

By dvoegele
Posted August 23, 2007 at 11:34 am
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Ironic you mention the lung cancer deal. I had good news and sort of alarming news last week. My sarcoidosis has shrunk some but a tumor (they didn't tell I had) grew....but they have'nt confirmed the word cancer and I have decided that no matter what it is that I'm lucky to have had been diagnosed with Sarcoid a year ago or they might not have found this tumor until it was too late. Like most people.
Have a great day

By Onedayatatime
Posted August 23, 2007 at 1:17 pm
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That is precisely why I place all my hope in a resurrected Savior-Jesus Christ-he didn't stay dead and He is never too busy to hear my faintest cry. I cast all of my cares on Him because He does care for me. He is the chief physician...never abusive. He is my strenght for the joy of the Lord is my strength. Thinking about His great love and sacrifice for me will abruptly cancel any plans for a pity party. It is so much joy to tell others you love them and to be able to encourage others in spite of one's circumstances. Yep, I would much rather trust a resurrected Savior who is never too busy than a dead John Wayne or Oprah.

By dharry01
Posted August 23, 2007 at 2:25 pm
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oprah may be busy,but after reading your piece,john wayne is not dead.you have woken me up big time.i was about to give up on life,on the trouble i put my family through.i keep thinking i wish i had cancer ,die ,and let my family get on with living their lives.i am tired of feeling other people have more serious problems than me ,people worry about me,they do not want me to die,althought i think about it every day.i used to have a woody allen complex about dying,now i look foward to it,but your piece is making me think again.i used to be a fighter years ago when i was fit.hated to lose and seldom did.how times change,i never smoked,was a keen footballer and all round outdoors type.now you would think i smoked 40 a day.once again thank you for your piece,and for giving me the strenght to try to stay with my family and fight on.[tom london] orig-dublin.

By DeniseJericho
Posted August 24, 2007 at 10:37 am
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You have courage, Tom.

I will be cheering for you. I will be the one you hear yelling, 'It's time to get up. Embrace today for those you love. Do one thing, anything to acknowledge them and all that they mean to you.'

Do not do it for their caring sake, because they have been there for you through this. But remember the love before the sickness, do it for the great love that motivates the caring.

Every day, get up, in what ever way you can and love back.

Denise Jericho

By Pat-y
Posted August 20, 2008 at 8:01 pm
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I have been in that funk you spoke of for about a week and have been trying to get out of it. Thanks for the swift kick in the ass. I've been doing a bit of wallowing but malaise or not I have things I must do....so forgive me but later. Pat-y

By lkay
Posted August 20, 2008 at 8:19 pm
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Hi gardener,
Just thought I would drop you a line and tell you I just spread this link to your words to my sisters at womenheart here at inspire.com. We love a good kick in the rump to stop the wallowing and move on. Thanks for the entertaining post - even though I'm a year later reading it.

Be well,
Laura

By RuthfromOz
Posted August 20, 2008 at 9:32 pm
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How did I miss this first time around?? TG, thanks for having a soapbox on which to stand & share your words of profound wisdom about the harsh realities of life. I think you'll agree with The Eagles who summed it up in the 3 word title of one of their more recent songs: "Get Over It".
They really are words to live by...

By pureone50
Posted August 21, 2008 at 9:07 am
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I still think Gardener should run for president! Thanks again for being so right on! I look a life with sarc as being on a roller coaster, scared as heck but get on ride with the wind in my hair, like the going up hate the going down, tired of being jerked around the corners of (doctors, etc) love the fact the ride is over but wait what do I do? wait in line again so I can ride it all over again.
Loving it!
pureone50

Thank you gardener!

By quinda
Posted August 21, 2008 at 9:25 am
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My crush on you just increased a hundred times my man because of your writing and the timeliness of it as well. Yesterday I went to have the port put in for the chemo and it was a failure and so today I will go to a different hospital and try again. The sedation did not work yesterday and it was very painfull. Have to get the port so they can administer my first chemo therapy tomorrow. So..................your writing came to me at absolutely just the right time. Thank you ssoooooo much.

By Randy
Posted August 21, 2008 at 9:27 am
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Hey Gardener,

Good post as usual....I hope folks get the message as I know I need to take some of this advice also.
Recently there was a Professor teaching near where I live and I have found alot of worthy messages from his experience, that anyone who takes the time to check out, will do so also. He passed away in July and I am sure he would have traded places with many people who think their situation/life is not what it should be due to illness or just from gettting to a wall and giving up.
His name was Randy Pausch and he gave a lecture at Carnegie Mellon University called "the Last Lecture".
It is great to listen to on line...also available in print.
Take time to check it out...it will change your views about many things....especially if you are in the "why me" mood like I had been..and I now know my journey is not worthy of complaining about.

By Kennarina
Posted August 21, 2008 at 9:43 pm
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I'm just visiting here from the WomenHeart posts - yes, way way over there.... I wanted to let you know that this John Wayne/Oprah rant from last year is a huge hit over in the wonderful world of cardiac patients since Laura posted it for us there, as one or two of us have been known to be the teensiest bit whiney at times.

I love this rant! I have forwarded it to all my friends and family! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Take care....

By 1spudcat
Posted August 21, 2008 at 11:00 pm
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And we're grateful for that soapbox Gardner. I've been reading your stuff quietly...because I am dealing with heart issues
and feel like an interloper on this site. But despite the health issues, there are such commonalities that are so true for all of us. And you, with your powerful words, that cut to the chase, grip our shoulders and shake us when we need to rediscover our "guts and fortitude" and "push that ratty security blanket aside." Wow keep those words coming!!!!

By Cheesypops
Posted August 22, 2008 at 9:25 am
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Timing is everything and your post really is dead on IMO.
Sometimes it just needs to be put out there so others like me can see it, read it, then just live it.

I wont go as far as "crushing" on you like quinda :)

BUT....I absolutely love what you have to say and how you say it. Thank you again.

By Julia1
Posted August 22, 2008 at 10:14 am
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Great Rant Gardner, I couldn't agree more.
Most people get so self absorbed that they forget what the real issue is at hand. It's called get off your rear and make a difference. No matter how small it may seem. For instance when Bernie Mac died I emailed the links of his death and disease to everybody who was connected to my life. Not only did it educate my family and friends it started a chain letter of sorts. I figure if one person gets it then it's worth the time. Sure beats the hell out of my pity party's. Those were becoming quite the bore. Plus, I was the only one showing up.
in my case I have to educate my family and some of my friends because they have never heard of it. Being white doesn't cause it to be a common disease among my Caucasian friends. Even doctors have a hard time processing the fact that I have it. My best friend is a Dr. and she suggested since I had a bi-racial child that possibly that is how I got it. Now I'm not a doctor but that sounds way out in left field. I guess in her mind when I conceived my daughter I got Sarco. That my ex is a carrier. Still can't get my head around that. Also, I have doctors say that I couldn't possibly have it because of my race. Well I do. Unless, my lung biopsy was completely wrong.
I plan on taking all of this to my hearing for SSI or SSD whichever they decide I'm entitled too. I will make sure they know that once your lungs are scarred like mine that you cannot go into remission. Yes, it can feel better at times. I have constant flare ups. That is why I'm on Oxygen 24/7. So once your lungs are scarred there is no remission. The word remission is misused. Remission in my case means I can breathe and talk without being hoarse. That may last for a day.
I guess remission could also mean I'm not in the hospital with pneumonia. But I never know when I'm going to wake up and not be in remission. It has a mind of it's own.

So everybody who gets tired of explaining a disease that most people do not understand. Google Bernie Mac and send it to everybody in your contact list that you care what they think. It even helped me understand the disease better.
Thanks for the Wake-up call. One more thing if you listen to some of the Dr's they are great for a stand-up routine. I had some young med students suggest I got it from living in New Orleans and carrying a bi-racial child. I told them no didn't think so. But it could be watching all of Tyler Perry movies. Needless, to say that flew over their pointed heads. I hate it when I tell a great joke and the people don't laugh or at least get it.
If it's not in the text book it doesn't exit.
So from now on I tell my newest Pulmonologist what the disease is and how it affects me. I don't care if he agrees or disagrees. He won't fill out my lung function papers, So I will have to present my case on my own anyway. I will have an advocate from Binder and Binder. I seriously doubt that they will be all that great doing my summation. So I must learn and do most of it myself. I don't trust anybody at this point to get it right. So like my mom use to say "If you want it something done correctly, do it yourself." Frankly, I'm the only person who knows how it affects me.

Again, thank you for your insight on self pity.
Julia

By shadowsSister
Posted September 17, 2008 at 11:44 am
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My sister Mary from NC is in your group. A friend laura We both have MS told me to find you and read what you have to say.. All I can ay Is WOW>>> I hope my sister links up with you.. I am in MedHelp website.. Listed under ShadowsSister...
I'll chck back with you later...have a love filled day

By RuthfromOz
Posted September 18, 2008 at 5:02 am
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Julia1, I suggest you look up the statistics on sarcoidosis in Scandanavian countries and Japan, then quote them back at anyone who tries to link your sarcoid with anyone or anything that's not whiter than white.

Welcome to Inspire!

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