Had some stuff rolling around in my head the last few days. Basically I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, but aren't we all? No sense in really saying that I guess because this is a group of people all in the same boat.
The thirst I am experiencing is slowly driving me nuts. Although I've been on liquids for awhile, even that is failing me. I work mornings and havent' been having anything with calories/sugar before work because the *only* time my gut feels normal is in the morning before I ask it to do anything. Being in front of a classroom of 14 year olds is not so great timing to be running to the bathroom. But after a disasterous experience at work Wednesday after having a few sips of water with my meds, I now cannot have ANYTHING before work. So I'm up at 5:30 and its nearly noon before I can have anything, even water and then only if I'll be home and close to the bathroom and in my sweatpants. I know so many people have it so much worse but I've struggled with killer thirst for awhile now and teaching and being exhausted and having a dry mouth is just tough. I wake up totally dehydrated and still can't drink! It is literally driving me insane. I try so hard to focus on my job but even that is hard when I feel so terrible. I love my students to death but sometimes I just feel like I don't have enough to give them when I want to so badly. It's just hard to put on that happy face.
On a completely unrelated note- does anyone have food aversions and obsessions kind of randomly? I am finding myself becoming more and more picky even with the liquids I consume. I dont' want anything fruity anymore (gatorade, juice, jello) because I burp up the taste of stuff for so long it totally turns me off. I only want things vanilla or chocolate flavored because they taste more pleasent when I belching 24/7. Before my GP got super bad and I was eating a better diet, I still was very picky- no 'savory' foods sounded good, no herbs, etc. Even if it was a GP friendly food. It all started when I got sick a few years ago and would have aweful sulfur tasting burps that were like rotton eggs. I was a big hard boiled egg eater at the time but haven't been able to touch them since. Now I feel like mentally as well as physically I'm becoming more restrictive in my head and that is just making it harder.
Along with that, I have sort of food "obsessions" in the sense that I will just have one thing all day or for days. Lately it has been unsweetened vanilla almond milk that I add my own sugar to. I like the gritty texture of adding my sugar and controlling how sweet it is. But this is literally the only thing I've had for many days. I just feel like when something works I don't want to change anything. Even Ensure and stuff I was drinking before don't sound good. Maybe I'm just stuck in a rut because the situation is kind of depressing overall? I don't know, I just feel like I'm not in a good place physically or mentally with food and it keeps getting worse.
And insanity: my insanity is due to the fact that I see my (useless) GI monday and part of me still holds out hope he will help me. It's been a year with this doctor alone and he has been nothing but unhelpful. Didn't even see me in the hospital when I specifically drove to the hospital where he is 1 hour from my hour when I was hospitalized for 5 days last month. And when I call his nurse tells me to "try harder" to eat. WTF?! But it is my fault because I allow myself to be hopeful. Then am disappointed. And afterall, isnt' that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting a different result?
Off to smile through my thirst and exhaustion and teach 9th graders about Genetics!
Edited March 22, 2013 at 8:13 am