Depressed and cant pull my self out.

I ve been real depressed alot lately, cant seem to get out of it. I hate having this freaking NF. I dont have any friends outside of work, dont have a BF because I am very unattractive to them, I am very lonely,even at work sometimes, I had a fallen out with a coworker who doesnt even look at me anymore, much less say 2 words to me, I just recently lost a brother who passed away suddenly,not NF related, I am the only one in my family that has it, thats 3 siblings I lost in 7 yrs, why them and not me, I hate my life right now,I keep thinking that its unfair to take them and not me,I am the one who doesnt want to be here, I was a mistake, wasnt planned at all and I am born with this, I live at home with my parents because I have a disability, I cant drive a car because I am blind in one eye.have limitations at work,another thing that ticks me off, because I dont look like a team player to some of my coworkers.sometimes I want out of this life but I am sticking around because I dont want my parent to lose me,and my Best Friend at work would be devasated,
I am not sure if my depression is a start of menupause because I am at that age, can anyone tell me who has NF and are in their mid 40's if they have it already, sorry this is so long and a bit negative I just need to vent,

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I am sorry for your sad loss."sending hugs"ppl with nf are beautiful,you should tell the ppl that you work with that you have nf,they mite understand.if you think your going trough menupause you should go and see your doctor.my mam also has nf & she went through menupause at the age of 42.i hope you fell better soon.xx

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I will say it anyway dont be depressed or so down on yourself. I am sure you are a great person and yes having NF SUCKS THE BIG ONE !!!! I hate it, I gave up the opportunity to have children because of it. I figure there is no cure and the only way I can help stop it is not to re=produce, I found a man that did not care about my looks, he liked me for me, my kind heart, as he says I dont have a mean bone in my body ... I dont (at least I dont think i do) because i fully believein KARMA ... I dont think bad or do bad things to others even when they do bad things to me because KARMA(pay back) is a BITCH !!! what goes around comes around....

There are co-workers that have done me wrong and BAD SHIT is going on in their lives right now..... If people turn away on you the excuse me but F#ck THEM !!! you dont need them they are not important.

I hate NF, but I do think for some small reason i was chosen in a way...... dodnt know why... right now I have so much CRAP going on in my life not related to my NF but I have friends that are sick, their family members are sick and dying, work is stressfull I have supervisors in my department that are HELL bent on getting me fired ( im a state worker so they cant fire me just because, but one sure gave it her all, and she ended up loosing a lot of her supervisor responsibilities went from having 15 people to supervise to havingt 1 that just got off FMLA) she messed with the wrong person.

Dont give up... reach out to other people with NF, other people with other conditions. love yourself the best you can. I trust no one, even have a "wall" up around me, I was molestd for 3 years when I was younger and it has put a strain on my marriage, but I am working on it.... I am trying to locate this person to confront him tell him how he destroyed my life. and I will find him. I just hope he has not messed up any other womans life or even children if he has any, it is to late to have him arrested as it happened 30 years ago. I am sure he still lives in town here some place and I will find his sorry ass.....

good luck to you

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also I have a great friend called XANAX, helps with my anxiety, 4 years ago my life fell apart, Forclosrue on my home, bankruptcy, my husband almost died due to massive pulmonary embolism and a pulmonary enfarction. and now mounting other health issues. there are some anti-depression medications to stay away from 1 being Cylexia (sp)

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HI I have NF went through menupause at 43 ,Learning Disbilites and Scolisis , Be cause of this I can not work ( can not do office be my spelling is very bad, cant left any over 5 pows all so have a bad blader (SP) some days I have to stay by the rest room.

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hi.
wow! you are going though so much. It is understandable to feel the way you do.
I'm sorry for what you are facing, it's not easy at all. I'm a firm beleiver that with the help of
professionals you will start accepting NF. it will not happen over night, but accepting it is the 1st step to
fight it.

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a manager where I work seems to get irritated when ever I am around, he wont talk to me like he does the other workers he doesnt compliment me either, only if I mistake he will say something, or he will complain about me to another coworker, who he thinks is better than me, he thinks she's better at the window than me, she even goes to me and tells me what I should or shouldnt do, I thinks its wrong for a manager to tells another employee to reprimand another worker, that employee is his favorite and he pays way more attention to her than me, he compliments her all the time, sometimes I think its my looks that drive him away, and goes aroung to all the female workers and talks to them gives them nicknames, all but me, he laughs with them and talks to them, me he doesnt really talk to. I feel really left out and that coworker who he favors over me tells me I am way to sensitive, I say its not you thats being treated unfairly, walk in my shoes someday, and see how you like it, I really wish I could quit, but I cant, I have Dr's apts coming up, if I quit, I lose my benifits and will have to pay full price for my apts, cant afford it, my job caused a little added stress, I am gaining weight, and just cant cope any more, I cant sleep the night before work,have no one to really open up to, dont know if I should pull this manager a side and tell him how I feel, I am kind of shy at resolving issues, sorry I am being so negative, just cant deal with my life sometimes, sometimes this NF can wreck a life, I have no social life, no outside of work frinds, live at home with my parents at my age over 40, really hate it, no Boyfriend either,

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Pattie86,

I'm sorry for loss of your family I understand about felling bad, But try to find something that brings you back up music I just discovered Social Distortion and they have great music that brings be back up, Search You-Tube reach for the Sky great song, As far as work not sure what you do but if you're not happy look for another job you have to be happy, Your working now start looking around you just may find your dream job,

Good luck

Anthony

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Hi Pattie, Thanks so much for sharing your feelings.

If you are at the point where you feel you cannot pull yourself out of it, you need help. One of the biggest issues with depression is that your self esteem suffers as well. The better you feel about yourself, the better others will see you. Your positivity radiates like a beacon. And you will find that being born with it is nothing personal at all. No more so then if you were born with brown hair or blue eyes. Just genetics. Remember take baby steps, that may help. If you talk down to yourself in your head, make a point to talk up to yourself as well. Surround yourself with positive things...Maybe notes on your fridge that say "You are great". I know it sounds silly....but it is a baby step.

Sit on the porch, balcony, or at a window. Look at the blueness of the sky. In all its vastness you are there to bring a small ray of sunshine to the world. I am here if you need to talk about anything. I am a listener. I never judge people. I will be your friend.

Peace.

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I agree with newzbug, there are three ways to fight depression. Change your thoughts, change your behaviors, change your emotions. The easiest one to impact is your thoughts. Acknowledge your pain but then move on--thinking of things that are good in your life. Changing your thoughts, even a little bit, can impact your behavior and emotions.

"I am so lucky to have a best friend."

"I have great parents that are willing to help me throughout my life"

"Being a single woman gives me opportunities to do things I could not do if I were married"

I don't know...come up with your own positive thoughts.

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A way that will always work is to Pray.. Pray hard and with conviction. God will alleviate the toughest conditions and don't give up.

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