Hello everyone! I am going through a mini depression mode right now. As a young girl growing up, i've always been on the hefty side. Not an obese child but just a little chubby. The summer before going into junior high school, I made a major transformation. I was fine, as all the boys would say. I had lost weight and gained a pre-teen shape. My goodies had made thier way in and I was just too proud. I stayed small and fit throughout high school. I was miss freshman my first year. I was on homecoming court three years in a row, won senior year, and then I lost to become prom queen by 26 votes out a 2004 graduating class of 478. I took one of the crowns so that was good enough for me. I was always popular due to my inner beauty as a person. During 8th grade, when I snatched my first boyfriend is when i really discovered my outter beauty. Anyway to get deeper into my story..........April of 2005 through July of 2006, I was in a horrible young relationship. I went through things and endured life threatning things that I should have never had to go through at that age. It was a major learning experience. But through that time period I gained a total on 46 lbs. RIDICULOUS!! I went from being 142 to 188 in a year. I stayed in the 180 to 190 up until I was fully diagnosed with Sickle Cell Anemia last March of 2008. I've always carried the trait and had symptoms over the years growing up but as I've gotten older, it's gotten worse. So due to the acknowledgement of my illness, I have put on another 40 lbs. Partial blame goes to my collection of medications, but the rest is because i've used food as a clutch. I got into a new relationship in September of 2006 and I am blessed to say that I am a newlywed to the most beautiful man I know, as of this pass December. He loves me unconditionally & fully. I couldn't dream of a more perfect catch. He accepts me just the way I am. It is I who have the problem. I've gone from wearing a 7/8 in high school to a 16/18 now. My breast are Double Ds, my thighs look like turkeys, and I'm growing a double chin. My husband on the other hand has gone from being 360-370 in high school to 225 now. Hes 6'1, a big guy, but its all mucsle. Ex-football player. He looks so good. He has a testimony and Im stuck with breaking news. LISTEN TO ME PEOPLE, I AM EXACTLY 5 LBS LESS THAN MY HUSBAND. THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOO EMBARASSING!!!!! I will give him credit, he tries so hard to motivate me to exercise and eat better and stay focused but living with an illness that causes so much pain is discouraging. I dont want to over exert myself or add to the pain. The pain i go through now just sitting on my ass is enough. I couldnt imagine what exercise would do. So is there anyone out there that is living with a painfull illness that has found the courage to get up on thier feet and change their life for the better?? Or do you feel as hopeless as I do?? I just want to lose 50 lbs. Thats not a lot is it?? HELP ME SOMBODY!!!!