I'm 21, 5'4 & 220 lbs..................ASHAMED!!!

Hello everyone! I am going through a mini depression mode right now. As a young girl growing up, i've always been on the hefty side. Not an obese child but just a little chubby. The summer before going into junior high school, I made a major transformation. I was fine, as all the boys would say. I had lost weight and gained a pre-teen shape. My goodies had made thier way in and I was just too proud. I stayed small and fit throughout high school. I was miss freshman my first year. I was on homecoming court three years in a row, won senior year, and then I lost to become prom queen by 26 votes out a 2004 graduating class of 478. I took one of the crowns so that was good enough for me. I was always popular due to my inner beauty as a person. During 8th grade, when I snatched my first boyfriend is when i really discovered my outter beauty. Anyway to get deeper into my story..........April of 2005 through July of 2006, I was in a horrible young relationship. I went through things and endured life threatning things that I should have never had to go through at that age. It was a major learning experience. But through that time period I gained a total on 46 lbs. RIDICULOUS!! I went from being 142 to 188 in a year. I stayed in the 180 to 190 up until I was fully diagnosed with Sickle Cell Anemia last March of 2008. I've always carried the trait and had symptoms over the years growing up but as I've gotten older, it's gotten worse. So due to the acknowledgement of my illness, I have put on another 40 lbs. Partial blame goes to my collection of medications, but the rest is because i've used food as a clutch. I got into a new relationship in September of 2006 and I am blessed to say that I am a newlywed to the most beautiful man I know, as of this pass December. He loves me unconditionally & fully. I couldn't dream of a more perfect catch. He accepts me just the way I am. It is I who have the problem. I've gone from wearing a 7/8 in high school to a 16/18 now. My breast are Double Ds, my thighs look like turkeys, and I'm growing a double chin. My husband on the other hand has gone from being 360-370 in high school to 225 now. Hes 6'1, a big guy, but its all mucsle. Ex-football player. He looks so good. He has a testimony and Im stuck with breaking news. LISTEN TO ME PEOPLE, I AM EXACTLY 5 LBS LESS THAN MY HUSBAND. THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOO EMBARASSING!!!!! I will give him credit, he tries so hard to motivate me to exercise and eat better and stay focused but living with an illness that causes so much pain is discouraging. I dont want to over exert myself or add to the pain. The pain i go through now just sitting on my ass is enough. I couldnt imagine what exercise would do. So is there anyone out there that is living with a painfull illness that has found the courage to get up on thier feet and change their life for the better?? Or do you feel as hopeless as I do?? I just want to lose 50 lbs. Thats not a lot is it?? HELP ME SOMBODY!!!!

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Hi Mrswilliams 1205

i can only understand what you are going through. I went from a 6 to a 14 in less than 6 months, i just had a hysterectomy 8 weeks ago. icant do any hectic exercise. i went through a stage of depression my self and food was my only comfort. i took a good look in the mirror and told myself to stop , what am i doing to my beautifull self. First thing doll you are beautifull
tell yourself that, tel yourself i will loose weight, but it takes time, I CAN , I WILL, I MUST, ONE DAY AT A TIME. START BY WALKING EVERY DAY.ONE DAY AT A TIME. Your self esteem will build up sooner than you think and remember you have an illness don't add to it by being negative. Think only happy thoughts. I promise it will work. ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!!

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I admire how brutally frank you are about your weight! I weigh 30 more than my husband who is about 50 lbs overweight! There I said it! I'm 61 but have battled weight all my life. I was trimmest in senior year of high school when I dated the guy of my dreams.
I've gained & lost a dozen people over my life! I struggled to lose 55 lbs on WW 3 years ago, only to gain it back this year. I don't have an illness but I do have arthritis in both knees that makes it painful for me to walk or stand for long periods. The doc only wants me to do some stretches & stationary bike. No walking or treadmill. I haven't worked since 12/26. My goal this week is to get on that bike & slowly work at it!
PLEASE take 1 day at a time. I've lost 9 lbs since I started 1/3. Of course, it comes off in bigger chunks when you weigh 290 & I'm 5'5"!
PLEASE don't give up. Maybe your doc can suggest some exercise that you could do.

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I admire your honesty and how motivated you seem to be. I too have gained quite a bit of weight, always on the larger side of life, I now feel like I'm on the largest side of life. I have no excuses. I feel like that's my new motto... No excuses. If I make bad choices, I try to own up to them whether it's food or not exercising.

It seems to me like you've already made the right steps to start... You're doing this for yourself, you're asking for help (by posting) and, hopefully, you'll be back to see all of the encouragement that you have here.

Good luck! Let me know if you'd be interested in a "check-in" buddy or something. I too am trying to get into better shape, and hope that means losing some of this weight. My goal for the year is 60lbs. Let's do it together!

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Hi. Living in pain can be depressing. I know. I have pain every time I do laundry and vacuum. Everytime I go for a walk...

But I know that I can still eat good food.I am not going to just sit around ... I go to the Y and use the heated swimming pool when I can. If I cant do that ,I do a few exercises at home , mostly arm work with weights.
I have lost 40 pounds this year.... Is it slow?yes...
For me exercise helps me sleep better and improves my mood. It is just something I have to do... It benefits my health in more ways than just weight loss.

Also getting out of the house seems to change your perspective.
Just do what you can, and be kind to yourself.

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Chronic pain, I know it well. I am now 37 (close to 38) and I have lived with chronic pain since I was 14 due to JV Arthritis and RSD, I was diagnosed with Lupus SLE 6 years ago. I am also an incomplete Quad from a fall on ice on crutches trying to get out the wheelchair I already had to use for all the other stuff.

Wight problems I also know very well. Right now I am back over 300 for the millionth time, every time I get below I go over again it seems for the last 4 years! I was never thin, well I was when I was a small child but then I was always sickly and they had to force food on me, when I got over all that they kept allowing me to eat the same way. The worst weight gain I have ever had was 50lbs in 2 weeks. That led to a diagnosis of a thyroid problem, that unfortunately is not very easy to control and I have other hormone issues they can't get a handle on.

Using food as a pain killer, yep sign me up! OF all the pain meds I have been on, food has been one of the most effective in the short term. The problem of course is more weight, less mobility and more pain. Not that rX meds seem to do any better for me long term.

You are not alone, the only thing I can suggest is maybe try water exercise if you have a pool in the area, the water supports and cradles your body and there is no impact, and of course you can move more freely in the water.

Hang in there and do the best you can for yourself.

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You're not alone - unless you're not out walkin' with us - I'm 66 years old, 231 pounds and 5'3"....but I'm out walkin' and ridin' my horses and workin' on keeping my food under control - one day at a time.

Every successful day is a day well done. At the end of it put it to bed when you go to bed and start again when you wake up the next morning - just one day at a time - you'll get there -

Post often - it helps -

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Hi sweetie, Hey I am here with you, and am doing my very best to lose 50 also, My husband looks great too, and eats all the time but he works alot. I am trying to keep up with my children, without all the huffing and puffing, hey maybe if you like we can do this together, be partners, team mates what have you.

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You can do it!! I'm also ashamed to admit that I am 5'2" and weigh 204 lbs. I have lost 2 lbs, but 206 was the highest I have ever been. In high school, I weighed 110 lbs. I was TINY! Then I started having babies, and didn't realize that I couldn't just eat like I used to. I was diagnosed with arthritis in my knees when I was 16, so I do struggle with that, but I am trying to work through it. I usually try to start out too hard and fast with exercise, but this time I am going to take it a lot slower. I have also struggled with depression, because I hate the way I have let myself go with my weight. I am not an ugly person, inside or out, but I am just so fat!! I can't stand to look at myself in pictures, and I really don't want anyone else looking at me either. My husband says he loves me just the way I am, but I see him look at other girls, and I guess I just want him to look at me that way, ya know? He's not blatant about it, but I still see it... and it really hurts. I want to be sexy again!! I know we can all do this together! It really helps to have support when you are taking on something this big!


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I did not know too much about sickle cell anemia, so was just googling information. I found one web site which discusses nutritional supplementation. The URL is:

What a blessing and bright spot in all this that you have a wonderful husband to support and care for you. SO many women do not have that loving support at home. From what I read, this condition would be really tough without someone to advocate for you during the crises and subsequent hospitalizations. I wish you all the very best.

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