The third times a charm

• By stargazerlily17
• Posted December 19, 2007 at 3:01 pm

Oh MPatten, its the holidays, be gentle with yourself. Many of us including moi have felt similar feelings. Cancer is a nasty, ugly, guilt ridden disease. I was cursed with a cancer I had absolutely no risk factors for. I am 10 months chemo/radiation that was so ghastly painful I still have nightmares from BUT on last exam and CT scan I remain cancer free. I lost my mom toward the end of treatment and was so sick I couldnt have services for her until late spring. I lost my sister in law in November, my brother in law 2 weeks ago, my kitty last night and last week my husband found out he has incurable and aggressive form of leukemia. I ask why, look at others and see how their lives are so unstressed, hunky dorie. Why...because the Lord knows that my family and I are strong enough to face whatever is placed in our path. Oh, I cry plenty but like you I will move forward and go on with whatever time I am blessed to have left on earth. You are loved! Shalom, Lily

• Reply
• Report post

• By gloriahouse
• Posted December 20, 2007 at 9:00 am

Hi Michelle.I agree with stargazer.Give yourself a break-we have all felt this way. For me to deal with my negative is to give to others.I refuse to let cancer dictate who I am. Yes you would think we would have a different outlook but why should we.No matter what I will always try to be a better person even before the cancer.I would have thought it would bring a whole different outlook with my family but however that has not happened as well.Yes it has toched us all but no big lightening bolts or astounding eye openers.So I guess life goes on no matter what.Only those who have been there can truly understand.Anyway keep up the fight and Merry Christmas.

• Reply
• Report post

• By cewe
• Posted December 21, 2007 at 6:43 am

Hello, Whatever you feel is legitimately yours and you need not feel guilty over them. Those who are on this difficult trek, like myself, can relate at every level. The fact that you want to live every moment the best possible is in itself a change in you already. As for me, I no longer take time for granted, I no longer allow the beauty and love that surrounds me to be ignored, I no longer deny myself the sorrow and sadness within and I am kind to myself recognizing my faults and failures and rejoicing in my strength and successes. I embrace all that I feel, I embrace all that I am, I accept the darkness that surrounds me and I take one step at a time to heal myself. That is when a small flicker will begin inside. I hope that the change you desire will come in time as you walk with an open heart into the darkness inside.

• Reply
• Report post

• By KathrynSomers
• Posted March 22, 2008 at 6:34 am

I am a 25 year survivor of cancer. I have had 15 different reoccurences or bouts with this demon and believe me, there have been times of depression and anger. But I have always been able to turn to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and lean on Him for strength and guidance. He has brought me through all these times and made me realize that this journey isn't about me, but about Him. If you don't know him as Lord and Savior, please let me know and I'll be glad to tell you how to get there. It will amaze you how much better you are able to cope with this disease when you know He will be by your side forever.

• Reply
• Report post

• By ps05237
• Posted May 6, 2008 at 1:14 pm

How do you get your family there?

• Reply
• Report post

• By ps05237
• Posted May 6, 2008 at 1:24 pm

Kathryn, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma IIIB in 1972 - took MOPP and COPP chemotherapy for 4.5 years, became sterile at 19 - never married - started working for wonderful company that hired me in 1973 while I was taking chemotherapy and still work for the same company - I had a diagnosis of colo-rectal cancer and vulvar cancer in 1998/had a partial colectomy with sphincter preserving surgery-have colonoscopies every two years and have my flexible sig coming up June 2, 2008 - also I have osteoporosis and take Aredia ever six months due to becoming sterile at such a young age and I cannot take hormone replacement therapy due to breast cancer in my family - my mother died of poorly differentiated non small cell lung cancer May 6, 1994 (14 years ago today) and my father died of lung cancer on May 22, 1991.

I have had a radical vulvectomy with lymphnodectomy and developed a dvt due to my Oncologist/Gynecologist missing all the signs a blood clot had formed and now I have lymphedema in my left leg. I was a runner and completed the LaSalle Bank Marathon in Chicago in 1997 and raised 3,000.00 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, I believe it is far harder to be the caregiver than the patient; we have the disease to fight - our loved ones only can stand by and watch.

God loves his children and his heartaches with every trial and tribulation we go through.

I have found I must pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again - because this wonderful life God gave me I will take care of and appreciate.

me

• Reply
• Report post

• By Frantastic
• Posted May 10, 2008 at 10:53 am

Michelle, Lily, cewe, Kathryn, ps05237. I am moved by everyone's strength, honesty and faith. I too felt that I was not a better person after battling cancer which surprised me. I am better at putting things in perspective, so I don't really know what I expected, a visible halo? Being grateful is key. When I am in that place, all is well. That is my goal. After reading your journies, it is much easier for me to be grateful. I am still the same person I was before the cancer with a little more insight (sometimes). Fran

• Reply
• Report post

Add to the discussion