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Stop the Gloom & Doom

primetimelady
2 Recommendations

I realize that this may make me the bad guy but I don't care it is the truth.

In the beginning, for the most part I found this website helpful. There are a lot of wonderful and supportive women here. However, sometimes I find this website anything but inspiring. There are too many people here that will not be happy until they are told that they have some horrible disease and that having heart disease is the end of the world. These people set the mood as all "Gloom and Doom."

Face it--- Most of us are here because we have some sort of heart disease--- some people are much worse off than others. Regardless, we have to do what we need to do to continue being survivors. We are responsible to our own self and taking care of our own health and our own well being.

We share this website to be supportive for each other and especially to help out those new to heart disease. The "gloom and doom" people need to take their pity party some place else because the rest of us prefer to live with a more positive outlook. Attitude plays a major role in our health.

Explore topics in this discussion:

Exercise Heart failure Surgery Pregnancy Anxiety Angina Chemotherapy Lupus Hemophilia Stent Stress Dizziness Asthma Heart disease Atrial fibrillation Hysterectomy Gallstones Pericarditis Chantix Diabetes Hypertension Pain Heart attack Congestive heart failure Depression

86 replies

Asurvivor

Nice post. I wish everyone who posts the same posts in over 5 groups would read this. Some post in 18 or more. That's ocd and uncalled for. It's also depressing since these people have every disease known to man.

Asurvivor

"Pump head talking" ^ since this people THINK they have every disease known to man.

grace5

Sometimes it does look that way, negative posts seem to unlock the floodgates and then there's often a flurry of posts in the same vein, usually the positive people outweigh (or maybe outwrite?) the negative souls here. I tend to 'retire' for a time if I feel the posts dragging me down, self preservation!
But, when all said and done any woman should feel free to write exactly how she feels at any given time, there are many stronger and kinder then me 'on board' who are willing to offer support to all who come here, lets not discriminate against the doom and gloom people, hopefully they'll get the support they need, just like the rest of us.
Lidia xx

Asurvivor

Gloom and doom brings me down to their level and I can't be there at all. They should have a separate group for gloom and doom. People should be limited in how many groups they post the same page long complaint in and they should be told to be open to ALL kinds of comments, not just the ones with which they agree. I had a problem with a gloom and doom post and the person hated everything I said, attacked me along with a guy in the group. Turns out the g&d posted in over 17 forums, the same cut and paste. On other sites, that would be considered spamming the boards.

They have a place, but not in what is supposed to be a positive support forum.

grace5

Point taken, maybe a 'doom and gloom' board is in order? ;-) I do look to see how many groups the post is in, there's a list at the bottom of every post, and I avoid the 'multi-posters'. I've ruffled feathers here too, try not to let it let it get to you, personally I like a lively debate with people who have differing opinions. You can 'report' a post if you feel you're being attacked.
I still would rather not see 'posting rules' here, there are enough rules in the 'real' world. If you say it like it is and the recipient doesn't like it, I guess you have to expect them to bite back, but at least you've had your say, whether they like it or not!
Lidia xx

beniimo

thank you primetime! i agree i came here for support and started feeling weighed down by the negativity. i understand (i've been there) the overwhelming emotional toll that heart disease can inflict, but at some point i had to make up my mind to get on with my life. this, despite the side effects of meds, fatigue and frustrating labs results.
and, i have to say that on some level i'm grateful. i knew for years i had to change my diet and lifestyle, yet until this happened, i didn't. and, now i realize fully the alternative.
btw, asurvivor, love your image! poppies?

ruby1955

I'm sure you are right primetimelady.......attitude DOES play a major role in our health.

An example - I'm in the UK where everyone gets the chance to have cardiac rehab for free - yet there are many who don't bother with it and stay at home far more "disabled" than they need to be. I asked the cardiac nurses what they thought about it - they told me that only those who wanted to be well attended. That is why I love rehab (I'm currently on my second go-round) - because I like being around all that positive energy of people doing their best to be well.

I DO understand that this is not the same for you folks in the US because financial considerations are a factor - I'm just commenting on the healing properties of being with people who are striving to get the most from their situation, even if that means panting and puffing through a class, but sharing a chat and a joke with others.

And on a more personal note - I recently yelled at my long-suffering husband because (in my opinion) I'd heard far too much doom and gloom from him about his work situation. I told him I didn't want to hear any more and that he should just suck it up and slap a smile on for my sake, because I couldn't always summon up the energy to sympathise. Unfair maybe, but true. And guess what - he did..........and we both feel better. He let himself step off the daily whine routine and I remembered why I actually liked seeing him come home.

We are all entitled to a bad day and to look for support - but if its me having that bad day I want someone to remind me why it might get better, not a heap more misery piled around me.

The nicest conversation I've had in a while was with a friend who on hearing about my heart attack said "yeah, my mother had a heart attack at your age (early 50's) - she's now in her 80's and has just come back from an adventure vacation in Africa!"

Bunnie

I stopped coming to this site due to all of the doom and gloomers...there was so much negativity, if I wanted that I would listen to the news.
I am thankful to be alive, sure I hurt and am taking nasty drugs that make me physically sick, but when people ask me how I am doing I always answer "Great" even if I am not because I try to keep a positive attitude. I developed many complications after my OPCABG , since than I have had 2 stents and fighting a chronic case of Dresslars (which I got after the CABG)
So I agree the doom and gloomers either need their own site.

primetimelady

Thank you all for understanding.

I also got to the point that I avoided reading any of the post. Thank God I met a couple people here that I can privately communicate with on good days and bad.

Cardiac Rehab is awesome. Over the last 5 or 6 months I've worked hard to improve my heart. It is amazing to go from a bed in CCU with a priest standing over you giving you your Last Rites-- to a few months later laughing and chattering on a treadmill. I am probably healthier today then I was before my two heart attacks. Sure my heart is damaged but now I am exercising and not smoking.

After I received the results of all of my most recent test results I asked the cardiac rehab staff how could my results be so good in such a short period of time and yet there are so many others that have no improvement. The Cardiac Rehab RN said it was due to attitude.

Look at what RUBY1955 wrote about free cardiac rehab in the UK and some CHOOSE not to participate.

Let us all remember the LITTLE CHOO-CHOO THAT COULD.

Queen_E

It's a public forum, so you will get all types including your type. You're not a bad guy for expressing how you feel. Other people's difficulties bring you down, and you don't enjoy reading them. Sounds like you have taken a super positive attitude toward your recovery. I'm also choosing life each day!

However, it's reasonable to find that a forum labeled "support community" will have some posts filled with tales of woe. I'd challenge you to be more flexible - instead of asking the troubled people to leave.

I don't have the same perception as you, but perhaps I'm not reading those posts and perhaps if I do they do not trouble me. I read plenty of posts where folks are looking for answers, or sharing articles, or getting support when they are in a rough patch.

careh

I was under the impression this was a place to go for support when needed. Perhaps not.

lashawnsheart

I have to admit that I am new here and new to the CAD world. I felt good when I was writing my story because I felt it had a great ending.

However, I cannot forget the process that came before that. I did not have this group and I am sure if you are new to this situation that it can be scary, frustrating and much, much more. If there were no boards like this for people to vent on what kind of emotional support and advice would they get if they did not have support at home. There would be no need for them to look for a group like this if they had all the support they needed at home.

I have 2 boys with Hemophilia A which is a bleeding disorder and have been to support dinners and support conference call and I to have felt that “gloom and doom” cloud in the room. I even stopped going for a while because it seemed like it was a contest on who had the worst story of the month. At that time my boys were having bleeds but there were doing better than others at that time. So, I felt like my story would not have any weight to it because everyone was focused on giving their shoulders to them to lean on. Which they needed I have to remember that.

Being a fighter and not giving up is what I think this board is about.

I did not want to give up and live with this as some of the doctors that crossed my path wanted. I did not find this board in time to look for others like myself, to compare their symptoms, treatment plans, test or test result to help me see if I should try or mention something to my doctor.

I agree that being positive does affect your treatment, recovery and your health. I also, know that sometimes you just need someone to listen.

I don’t want to shoot down any “doom and groomers” out there. So, I say Doom and Gloom ON. If a story is too down for you, send a POSITIVE message to that person which will left their and your spirits.

I was so scared to advocate for myself but I was not afraid when it came to advocating for my boys. People told me “but you deal with a lot when it comes to your boys, why can’t you do that for yourself” and I said because I don’t know how. Isn’t that funny, then when I started and got those wheels oiled, they started to squeak and slowly turn, then I was rolling and think I can! I think I can! I can! then I DID. I am so proud of myself.

wendylee

At times I have felt that way too. I actually stopped coming to this site for a while. Then I would have something new happen to me that I was scared or upset about and guess what, I came here for support and advice. That's what this site is here for. If you make the people who need to talk and need support embarrassed or uncomfortable to express their sadness, grief, fear, etc. Where are they to go? My suggestion for you is, if this site brings you down and you don't get anything from it stop logging on! But... we'll be here next time you need to cry or vent.

lashawnsheart

Well said wendylee :)

primetimelady

Some of you get it and some of you don't. My time on this website has greatly declined. The people I had in mind are not newcomers, or the ones with sad stories, or the ones that are having a bad day. It is the people that nothing makes them happy except the thought of having some awful disease and most of them have multiple support groups they belong to and a copy of their post goes to all of them. Those members thrive and feed off of the support the good hearted people give them. Those people don't depress me they annoy me.

sternum

For crying out loud !!!!!

Get it together. Some don't want to read doom and gloom. Some don't want to hear a Polyana light heart. Some don't want to hear anyone give credit to the Lord for helping them through a tough situation. Some don't want confusing reports on new meds or treatments.

Well --You know what -- All of us need each and everyone of those attitudes at one time or another.

I try to pray my way through some hateful times, and when I do I just report the results in order to give the rest of you some encouragement. If I can do it with a smile on my face and see the humor in a situation, I will use it.
I will thank God for giving me the outlook He has and I will not apologise for. If in helping someone, I have to tell my gorey story, it is not to get sympathy or a"Woe is me" statement. It is telling a fact without emblishment. And I will not apologise for that either.

If a post drags you down, don't read it. find something that lifts you up or create one yourself .

Stop taking everything as if it was written just to make you miserable .

So think before you put anything up for a final post. Is it something you want to read? Is it something you would like help with? Are you just venting to get frustration out of your bloodpressure level? Is it something that will help others in the group? Are you here for selfish reasons? Are you here to give encouragement? Are you scared to death and haven't a clue as to what is happening to you?
There will be as many answers as there are people on this web-site. Live with it !!
There --- I've done my venting.

Everyone have a great week-end and
Be Blest --- Gloria ---

sternum

By the way ---

That post is for all of us. And yes I do get the picture and the point.

Be blest --- Gloria ---

gracie62

I really do get the message you are trying to send out, but I also really get all of what Gloria and many others said. When I came to this community, I was desperate. I had received my first stent and was told my symptoms that had returned were all in my head. They were not. The ladies here listened and offered advice that I took. I am alive today because of the support I have received on this forum. I have always and will always encourge others to ask any questions, vent, rage, whine, complain or whatever. One thing I have learned in my journey with heart disease is that it is okay to feel whatever I am feeling at any given time.

To tell anyone that they need to keep in any feelings, be they positive or negative, is a disservice. Some people may be seeking attention and extra support, but that is what they need at that moment for whatever reason. Someone once said she could tell in the first few sentences of a post if she was interested in reading the whole thing. If you're not interested, move on to the next.

I know there have been times when I have been positive in my posts and times when I have been not so positive. I have days where I feel like I can take on the world and days when I feel like smacking the bluebird of happiness around a little. I have a good attitude and it has helped me in healing and dealing physically and emotionally. But there are a lot of things a lot of people need to say. When we hold them in or deny those feelings, it does not help us at all. We can't talk to a lot of people about those feelings because they won't get us. We say things here that we can't say anywhere else.

Doom and gloom? I don't take any posts that way. Whatever is posted is the reality that person is dealing with at that moment. Knowing that someone else has been there before can be all that it takes to help that person gets through it.

Take care, all -
Dianna

MMaslek

I get it. Really I do. But the last time I checked this was a COMMUNITY forum & not primetimelady's happy place. I think it's a bit presumptous for you too decide how everyone else should face their recovery. Some people have been through hell & back and this is the only place they feel free to vent. They are scared, lonely & sick & trying to find someone, anyone, who understands where they are at. If you don't like the post, move on to the next one, don't attack (& yes it was an attack) people who are vunerable and down. Maybe they are not in the same happy situation as you are. Instead of attacking them, take a minute to appreciate how nice your life must be that all you want to hear is sunshine & rainbows & your biggest concern in life is somebody bringing you down on a community website.

primetimelady

Oh I forgot that this is a COMMUNITY forum... and I was so into having a happy place just for me. You think it is a bit presumptous for me to decide on how people should face their recovery... NOT ONCE did I mention recovery... NOT ONCE did I refer to people with recent events... NOT ONCE did I say that ALL members are whiny hypochondriacs.

Although, there is a perfectly good support group for hypochondriacs called Hypochondriacs Anonymous (HA) for people who suffer with constant anxiety over minor aches & pains that they believe are a serious life threatening illness but there is nothing physically wrong with them.

When recent events causes a newcomer to join and express how poorly they feel etc. why is it that I rarely read the encouragement that in X amount of weeks you will feel this, that, or whatever and then you will start feeling better?

You are so right I DON'T need this forum but I have just as much right to be here as you and if you think I was attacking--- you were wrong.

Sorry, this discussion is closed to replies.

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