Scared Scared SCARED!!!

• By Ponygirl
• Reply 3315233
• August 23, 2012 at 2:05 pm
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Hi there: The scar will fade with time. And if the appearance still bothers you, after the fading in a couple of years, you can always have plastic surgery done (which a friend of mine did and the line is negligible. However, many people have scars of many types all over their body (never mind very strange tatoos) and if a person is going to be that superficial that he would not want to know you b/c of a scar, would he be worth sharing a life with? Life is full of scars. You will be okay after your surgery. In the beginning I wanted to hide my scar, but like everything else, I came to terms that it is now a part of me and friends of mine said that they don't even notice it--it looks like part of my cleavage--and I am relatively small busted!! I am sending a big virtual hug out to you for having lost all those dress sizes--if you could do that, you can certainly stand up to a little scar!!! Take care--you will be up and about before you know it. But make sure you go to cardiac rehab after to get back on track as soon as you can. --PG

• By DeeDeeto3
• Reply 3315374
• August 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm
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Congratulations on losing the dress sizes! You're blessed to have been able to catch this before it became something that had to be dealt with on an emergency basis. I agree with PG, when you meet the right person, the scars won't matter. You are very young and your doing what is necessary to save your life. Wear your battle scars proudly.

“Every winner has scars.” ~Robert N. C. Nix

I wish you a smooth surgery and speedy recovery!

• By Sweetpea64
• Reply 3315442
• August 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm
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Hello!
I am three weeks out from my emergency open heart surgery and I too worry about the scarring. I just now took a shower and the last of my incision scab (I know, tmi, lol) just fell off. It really doesn't look as bad as I thought it would. Last week I sent away for a product on eBay called Scaraway. It's a silicon based product that you wear over the scar once it heals sufficiently. I'm excited to try it. Its really supposed to promote the best healing of the scar and to minimize it. My scar is 8.5 inches long. My doctor reassured me that he made the smallest incision possible, which meant a lot to me. Since my experience, I am really quite proud of mine. I am even considering creating a non- profit calendar of women and their scars, to promote women's heart education. Most of my clothes are low cut enough that they reveal my scar.
The scar will fade. Bare Minerals makes great coverup products for you to use for dating. Once you meet the right guy, you're going to tell him all about it anyway, right? Any guy worth his weight will totally admire you for your strength and bravery and what you've been through. I have all kinds of sports scars already, this one is my largest, but also my coolest! I am very fair complectioned as you can see, and the scar is not very noticeable, even three weeks post-surgery!
Something I would recommend is getting some super stretchy sports bras (mine are Danskin brand from Walmart). They have no hooks or seams or anything. You will need help getting them on and and off for the first week or so. I wear mine day and night. It supposedly will keep your scar from stretching out at night as you sleep on your back. It really felt better too. The hospital will send you home with some Godawful contraption with about ten hooks on it. The hooks ride right on top of your incision! The Walmart bras are super cheap and will only hover over the very bottom of your incision, but not really touch it.
Make sure you have plenty of help around the house when you come home and plan on sleeping a lot. Sleep is good!
It's great that you're reaching out here. I just joined last night and am so glad I did.
Take care,
Karen

• By r4
• Reply 3315802
• August 23, 2012 at 5:58 pm
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Hi, I came to this post from another post on aortic valve replacement.

I have not had open heart surgery, I have had a defibrillator implanted twice. The same slit was used, and it is now pretty well healed - I had the second one done on Feb. 23, this year. The first time, I never let the scar show, this time I have started to. It does not look too bad, and because of it, I am walking around and look healthy! So I figure it is worth showing off once in a while!

I cannot address the issue of the kind of surgery that you are going to have, but I wish you all the best as you prepare for it and go through it and recover from it. Definitely, prepare for it: physically do everything you can to be in the best shape that you can be. Remember that you will have to heal the muscles of your upper body, so the healthier they are when you go into surgery, the better! It sounds like you have done well with a recent weight loss, THAT IS WONDERFUL, because you will have so much less body mass to move around when you are recovering. Mentally and spiritually do everything possible also. Any way that you connect to the Creator in a positive, loving way will help the Creator take care of you through the surgery, and will help those who are working with you in the surgery. (And notice I say "with" not "on".) You are a part of the surgical team!

Then of course prepare your "stuff" and your household for your hospital time and your return. You have a lot to do, but take a deep breath first and smile and relax. Also find the other posts on this website about valve replacement. This is a good website and keep letting us know how you are doing as you approach the time for your surgery!

All my love to you and your family!

Ruth

• By Spirianz
• Reply 3316364
• August 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm
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Hello there, I know what you are going to go through, I had my OHS, on May 16th and had two valves repaired and a hole in my heart fixed, and its been about 3 months now, I am so proud of myself that I am where I am at now...it was a tuff first month, but that was me, you could be different, but now as I look at my scar on my chest it really looks good and you hardly see it, I was nervous about that, but its not that bad, the scar, they used glue on my scar and it really does not look bad, You will be just fine, I will have you in my prayers...God Bless you...keep me in touch with how you are doing, I would really like to know, Thanks for you writing, now I know I aint alone out there...

God Bless,
Spirianz

• By Ponygirl
• Reply 3316405 · In reply to 3316364 by Spirianz
• August 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm
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Hi Spirianz: You are doing just fine. Everyone has a tuff first month after OHS. It will continue to get better and you need to give yourself at least a year. I am 20 months out of my OHS and I still have muscle twinges in my upper sternum and pains behind my right shoulder blade. I found that it is an ongoing process and everyone is different. You should be proud of yourself--big hug to you!! Take care--PG

• By beachflat
• Reply 3316914
• August 24, 2012 at 6:22 am
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All the best for your surgery, your young and fit, you will be fine.My mum worries about her scar and she's 70. Her valve replacement surgery was on 25th May. From an outsiders point of view I think it looks fine. Hers is very long and starts very high.I think about 10 inches. She says lots of people at cardiac rehab have scars that are only about 6 inches. Hers was emergency surgery, so maybe thats why. I was very rude to her, when she kept going on, and said would she rather have that scar or be dead? When you think about it in those terms maybe its not so bad! Sorry if that sounds really harsh, but I think it did help my mum. Remember all those women who have had breast implants or breast reductions have scars,and they have done that through choice.We will all think of you, and there is always someone here that knows what your going through and can give great support and advice. x

• By kimmief
• Reply 3317013
• August 24, 2012 at 7:37 am
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First of all, congratulations on losing all that weight. What an awesome feat! You should be so proud of yourself for that. I had my first surgery when I was 17, so I have never had a relationship with a man without having a scar (not to mention other scars on my groin and ankle areas from when I was an infant and had to have heart caths done). My first scar, all those years ago, was awful. As someone else mentioned, after about a year, I did have plastic surgery on it (although now I think a lot can be done with lasers). It made it better, but it always remained pretty visible. You know, after a while, I just didn't give it a second thought. I wore low cut tops, bikinis, etc. Never once did any man ever comment on it. I then met the man who would become my husband and now 25 years later, after a second heart surgery, it still isn't a issue in my life at all. I can understand the worry about it, but I really think that after a while, when it fades, you won't even be aware that it's there.

• By jkstan1963
• Reply 3319262
• August 24, 2012 at 10:47 pm
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Hi Peacmaker - I agree with the statements that others have stated. Anyone who looks at you and sees scars isn't seeing the real you.
Just some food for thought - at age 18 my daughter had to have a tumor removed, she had non-Hodgkins lymphoma. A heart surgeon had to do the surgery because it was so close to her heart. They went through the sternum and all. That was 20+ years ago. She has a big old nasty scar that doctors have offered to do plastic surgery on even to this day. She refuses because she looks at it as her badge of survival. She never tries to hide it even with the summer tank tops she wears. Her husband didn't know her when she had cancer. When he dated her and then married her he cared less about her scars. (She also has a horrible looking 6 inch scar from a broken elbow when she was 10.) He saw her beautiful soul as well as her pretty face and figure.
Recently I had breast cancer. Even though I was a new widow at the time, I opted to have reconstruction surgery to replace both breasts so I would look ok in my clothes. My mom had both breasts removed and didn't have surgery. As she got older she seemed to fold into herself. She died on the table never knowing she had a third cancer. They did what is called TRAM surgery on me. I have a scar from hip to hip plus the definite scars on both breasts. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see survival.
I'm on this site because I now have heart disease to deal with. My scars from that don't show - they are internal and definitely, for me, harder to deal with.
You sound like a sweet, knowledgeable young woman with a lot of pluses in your life. I know you'll come through your surgery with flying colors and you will be a stronger person in so many ways because of it. God's blessings always.

• By fatkid
• Reply 3319361
• August 24, 2012 at 11:32 pm
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Imapeacemaker, stop, take a deep breath. The fears you are experiencing are completely NORMAL! Maybe why it’s so much easier for us who end up having the procedure as emergency, no time to think about the what ifs. The scar will fade in time. May of us wear it proudly and visibility as symbol of our being alive, healthy and moving forward with our new lives. As for dating and being intimate, when the right person comes along the scarring won’t be an issue. Celebrate that new body, experiment with the new styles, and colors and play up that scar. It’s a great conversation starter. Keep reading and reaching out to the gals on the site, many, most of been there, done that, and have a wealth of knowledge, love and support to share. So breathe, and pick out something comfortable to wear home.

• By Rudywg
• Reply 3320131
• August 25, 2012 at 10:42 am
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Sorry you're going through all this but I would like to suggest that your scar could actually become a gift, as I learned years ago.

I was 25 when I needed my first open heart surgery and I lied to my doctor for months, all because of my fear of the scar. I was convinced my husband would leave me for some chic in a string bikini and I would be forced to join some convent, if only to reap the benefit of their long, flowing garb (this was back in the day when nuns wore black habits.)

I finally had my surgery the day before I turned 26. My surgeon told me the hole he patched was the largest he had seen in his career to that point. But there was still that scar.

Two months after my surgery I joined a gym, a first for me because i was born with my heart defect. The scar did fade with time but it was still there.

Then, the week of the first anniversary of my surgery, I was in the gym, enjoying a good workout and while getting ready to shower, I stood at my locker in only a towel. A woman stared at me from across the room and gasped, "Oh, my God! You've had open-heart surgery!" I sadly nodded, yes.

Then the woman started to cry. She told me her little 3 year old boy needed open-heart surgery. He had the same defect as I did. It also turned out he had the same surgeon that would do the surgery, but the mother kept saying, "No." She didn't want her boy to hurt. She didn't want him to go through life with a big, ugly scar.

So I sat down with the mom. I told her after his surgery to rub his forehead and talk to him, even if it looked like he was sleeping. I told her how she could be an encouragement to him. I told her by doing this she was giving him the gift of running and bike riding and playing baseball. All things I could never do.

And that was all because I had a scar on my chest. God's given me more opportunities to encourage others, more than I can count. You have the opportunity to use your scar as a gift as well, if you choose to.

I wish you all the best. Rudywg

• By purple66
• Reply 3321044
• August 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm
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imapeacemaker,

I was born with a bicuspid aortic valve which was discovered at age 4, had that valve repaired at age 13 and replaced at age 43 (also got a pacemaker after the second open heart surgery). So, I got a scar running down the length of my chest right when I was hitting puberty. At first I was thinking "oh woe is me......" but that quickly changed to proudly displaying my battle scar - proof I had survived! It really didn't take me long at all to come to terms with it. After the second surgery I had a "double zipper" as I referred to it and you could clearly see it was right next to the original scar - two distinct seperate scars. Oddly enough after about a month of healing it had merged into one and was actually thinner and lighter in color than the original. though slightly longer.

Best Wishes,

Jeanne

• By muhorstman
• Reply 3324895
• August 27, 2012 at 10:27 am
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Hi, my sister had this surgery two years ago. She is doing fine and just know the scar fades in time. What you can do is buy something like scar remover where the scar is covered. Movie stars, models do it all the time.

• By imapeacemaker
• Reply 3325663
• August 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm
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Thanks for all of the responses and replies. I know it was silly and superficial for this to be my concern, but I just got my gallbladder out and those scars bother me too. It just stinks that I worked so hard to get to a goal weight and now I will not wear the cute clothes I want because of the scars. But, I am so blessed and lucky to be alive and that this was found. My whole life it has been treated as a heart murmur. So at 35 I will have a scar, big deal! Makeup may help also. I have to love myself and my scars. I go see the dr. tomorrow to confirm that I am healthy enough for the surgery on the 19th, but am hoping it can be sooner at this point. These past few days, this weekend, has been very hard. I have had a lot of pain and my heartbeat has been very irregular to say the least. It is very painful and I thought a few times it was just going to explode!

• By jkstan1963
• Reply 3326312 · In reply to 3325663 by imapeacemaker
• August 27, 2012 at 8:03 pm
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Good luck and God's blessings always.