So, it has taken me a couple of weeks to come to terms with what I am going through. In a couple of weeks I will be having open heart surgery to fix a leaky valve and replace or that is not opening. This problem was found during a recent stay in the hospital when my gallbladder was removed. I feel very blessed that this issue was found, but at 36 years young a newly divorced and single mother I am terrified of the situation. I have complete trust and faith in my dr. and my support system. I have everything set up for my employment and short term disability. I feel very confident about the surgery. However, my biggest concern is the scar that this is going to leave. The thought of my body being permenantly disfigured terrifies me. I can't stand the thought of looking at myself in the mirror while changing after this surgery much less the idea of shopping for clothes, which I recently lost 5 dress sizes, or dating. The thought of being intimate with a man is terrifying as well. The idea of anyone seeing my body after this operation makes me sick to my stomach. I know in a lot of ways this is my very own pity party, and these things should not concern me. I should be greatful for my life, and I am, but I don't know how I am going to deal with this scar on my body.