Questions

Hi Everyone,
Spuds brought to my attention that my first communication attempt had landed only in the cardiac bypass group. I wrote it several days ago and just since then have found many of my questions answered just reading past postings and replies right here. it seems about everything I am experiecing has not only been experienced by another but discussed as well. For instance, I ask about being fuzzy headed and found a discusssion with 47 replies! I certainly don't feel alone in my mushheadedness.

With all that said, I'll repeat my long list of questions anyway as it seems the more I vent and share, the better I feel and it's been a bit of a bummer day. Just me and my mind having quite a time of it, not to mention my unfamiliar heart. I've added a few details and more recent observations/complaints/whinings/ and anecdotes. Here goes,

I'm 52 and had a triple bypass almost eight weeks ago. Has anyone experenced the sensation of a pounding heart whenever they lie down. It's driving me nuts and preventing sleep. It feels as if my heart is racing when my pulse is actually a very regular 80 or so. This starts about mid day, everyday. This is my number one question.

How bout short term memory loss and a fuzzzy headed feeling. Memory was toast for first four weeks, but is much better now. I still have a difficult time concentrating. Making a sandwich takes effort. I had a brief episode this week of not knowing where to put my toothbrush after brushing my teeth and not knowing where to find a washcloth. The cardio's office just said to keep a log and bring it to next visit.
The surgeon's office said it was from anestheia and would go away in a few weeks.
I read all about "pumphead" but my bypass was done off-pump. I was stuck on vent for about 18 hours. Untrasound of carotid arteries was "normal."
Not sure, but have a feeling I've repeated myself several times my short time communicating with all of you.

Still having presurgery symptoms of sudden bouts of nausea, only relieved by lying down. Sudden feelings of being very hot. This is probably the scariest as nausea, that hot feeling and sweating were primary symptoms setting all this in motion. I haven't had that drenching sweating thankfully since bypass.

Episode a few days ago of irregular heartbeat (several skipped beats per minute) that lasted about half an hour. Wierd again, but felt much better after that.

Very tired, can be up and about for only a few hours before falling (carefully) into bed.

Lots of shoulder and collar bone pain, cracking and popping feelings, like should and collar bone just aren't in place. I had xrays already, they just showed arthritis. My GP says they really don't line the sternum up very well- not exact at all. She has quite a sense of humor.

Lots of numbness in vein graft leg, but have severe PAD as well. Leg still bruised and tender and incision (only about 2-3cms!) still not completely healed. Most recent wierdness is all the skin on that right foot peeled off- very neatly like a sunburn last week. Before bypass, left leg was worse. After bypass and use of right leg vein, right leg worse and toes on right foot sometimes turn purple. They can be rubbed back to normal, but purple isn't my favorite color. Has anyone had any procedure to open iliac arteries(left is 100% blocked but has collateral vessels, and right is "significantly" blocked). The idea of having something else done terrifies me but I'm not sure rehab will accomplish much with leg circulation such as it is. Not sure they'll even do it now anyway ("we'll talk about that in a few months")

Chest pain- not severe. Very mild actually, just freaks me out.

I've gained about eight pounds since surgery, weight fluctuates a lot, up and down up to three pounds a day. I quit smoking but don't seem to be eating near as much as presurgery (taste is just now getting back to normal). A little swelling and puffiness, but not enough to alarm docs (not much does). Is this typical?
Maybe it's simply the decrease in activity and I'll lose weight and even out once I start cardiac rehab.

When does all this go away?
Oh, I finally quit crying after about four weeks, but still get weepy at the drop of a hat, still feel very sad and like I've been deposited on another planet.
How long does it take before you start trusting your heart again? I hate to admit this, but I have a fear that I'll just drop dead any minute. Like Yesterday with my grandsons here, I had the thought when I started feeling tired, "It would be awful to have a heart attack in front of the children." Also, though I'm not afraid of being alone, I think about how awful it be for my partner or daughter to walk in and find me dead. I have that same thought about the grocery store or a resturant. I know all that sounds so morbid, especially after my optimism of yesterday, but the fragility of this human form is pretty obvious right now.

Any estimates on the life expectancy of rollercoaster moods? It's like Spring time in GA- don't like the weather? Just wait a few minutes and it'll be completely different.

I know I can't work yet. Oh, I could probably handle part time, but that's an option in theory only, but not reality (it'd end up more than full time again almost
immdiately). But in addition to that, I have no interest in a career that before bypass was pretty much my life. None. Repulsion would be a better word. I'd rather live in a cardboard box (that's probably not true, just a dip on the rollercoaster) than go back.

Incision still feels like it's coming apart sometimes though it's healed well except for a small seroma. I understand the skin sensitivity can last a long time.
Sensitivity, by the way, is a gross understatement. I'm usually in an oversized tee shirt with a bit V cut out or holding the fabric away from my skin.
Can't sleep without a shirt because two of our herd of small dogs sleep in bed with us and I'll wake up dreaming they are digging my chest open! That brings up nightmares- they are less frequent, but still occassional and usually involve my chest, saws, axes, ball bats and such.

Maybe it's my imagination but this lumpy place at the top of the incision seems to change sizes. One day it seems to have almost gone away, then another day it seems as big as ever.

Speaking of lumps, my upper abdomen, where the three neat little chest tube scares are, is so large (I've always been very small). I don't like it at all. Anyone have that?

A dear friend gave me a big basket of wrapped gifts after surgery. The instructions were to unwrap one each day. They included gifts like those blow up punching balls, a deck of cards, candles, and a magnetic note pad for the frig. The top of each page of the notepad says, "It's all about me." There were a lot of other gifts I can't remember (and vistors for that matter). Funny the ones I remember, deck of cards (wrestling with cards dealt?), candles (which I burned at both ends), punching balls (self explanatory) and the notepad...

By the way, my family sweetly told me of my behavior the day they moved me from CCU. Like mumbling incoherently, moaning, making pitiful faces then letting my head fall back onto the pillow from my upper jaw only, leaving my mouth hanging open, asleep as quickly as I was moaning. They dramatically act this out for me, too. I've asked them over and over to tell and retell all those days I can't remember, but frankly, some things I'd just rather not know. Though they insist they don't think I ever received adequate pain management, they admit to being ever so slightly amused at my drugged, though still in pain, state. Seriously, they were wonderful, never leaving, sleeping in chairs for five days. I wish I could remember how they must've smelled by then. They still come running if I so much as sneeze.

You ladies rock.

Thanks everyone, Allie