My personality has changed...not for the better!!

In 1998 I had heart by-pass surgery with complications but eventually recovered. & noticed just a very slight change in my personality., It seemed easier to lose my temper. Then on Feb.23, 2007 I suffered massive heart attack..Developed into heart failure and eventually had valve replacement and spent 30 days in the hospital.

Since this last episode of health problems I find personality wise to be a different person. My poor husband is shocked at different I am and frankly so am I. Very quick to lose my temper over almost anything & seem to be disgusted and frustrated with everything. Not enjoying life and find everything to be a total hassle.

Does this sound like depression? I think this is the first time "depression" has entered my mind..I just feel like a different person (and don't like who I've become) And I'm not sure why I seem to be so nasty about everything.......it's as if nothing goes right; Or 'll be working on the computer and it will "freeze up" or knock me off-line and if someone were listening they would think it was the end of the world just by my total "screaming and yelling" This just isn't me..

It dawned on me tonight that i dont seem to have control over this loss of control so to speak and just lose it and spew out some choice words which surprise even my husband. He said it is like living with a different person and we have been married 51 years!

Any thoughts?? Thanks for any input.
Carol

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We HAVE changed - we had life altering events - how could we not? What we looked for before we no longer need... what we had before... we may not want... what we felt before... we may feel differently.

I know I have changed, deeply. My husband and I were soul mates from the time we met 17 years ago... after my heart attack, I saw him much differently. It is not an easy thing to live with or deal with and right after my heart attack my life seemed so boring and dull - I had to get the hell out and live a little... It's scary because I now would do anything just to experience it... bungee jump? point me in the right direction...

You won't be your old self because this is your new self... BUT with a little help you'll be just fine... If you are able to, it wouldn't help to first have your thyroid looked at via blood panel... and seek help via someone to speak with.

Sending you the very best...

Love,
Judi

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Dear Carol, I do think our personality changes. I know mine has. When I first had my heart attack in 2000, I was scared to death of everything. I don't know that I yelled more, but I know I was miserable. I went to a therapist and then went on an antidepressant and that helped me. I know I lost my short term memory and even though, now I laugh about it, I don't really think it's funny. I've had 2 open heart surgeries and even though I'm back to work at a job I love, I know that I'm different. I actually think now, I'm probably a nicer person than I used to be, but I also think I don't care as much about anything anymore. I used to have a Type A personality. As far as my husband, I've actually thought about divorcing him. We've been married 37 years, but he drives me crazy. Call someone and set up an appointment for some therapy. Try an antidepressant. Maybe, try to walk sometimes. Exercise relieves stress. I don't know if you've ever thought of meditation, but that really helped me. I ordered tapes from Health Journeys, Belleruth Naparstak is the commentator, and even though I didn't believe in this before, I do now. Let me know how you are doing and good luck. Everything will be ok, it just takes a little time. Alvera

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My daughter has told me since my cardiac event in Nov 04 that I am different. She says I now have a nasty disposition, intolerable of minor infractions perpertrated by any one. I will spit and sputter about inconsiderate drivers. I have been on zoloft since Jan 05, I may need an increase in dosage.

I am a type A personality and do not handle loss of control easily. This is probably the biggest contributor to my change. If I want to live and survive this condition, DIET - no control, there are foods that I dearly love that I cannot eat (cbicken fried cube steak)except on a rare occasion; SMOKING - no control, well, I don't so I can live longer; MEDICATIONS - no control, I take my meds to stay alive; EXERCISE - no control, I do this to stay alive; DOCTORS - no control, I go the see three of them 13+ times a year to stay alive.

BUT if you really think about it, we have a lot of control over this disease and our lives. It just doesn't feel that way since we have doctors, dieticians, physical therapist, etc telling us how to survive and thrive.

You are not alone in feeling out of control,

Heart Hugs
Ann

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Would you believe Carol that you are actually normal? Experiencing these changes in mood is a natural part of coping with a heart attack. I know, I had one in May 2006. I did suffer from depression. I am 48 and it happened without a warning and my life changed in a matter of hours as yours did. We were normal the day before and now we are called heart patients. Of course depression can sink in. Mine did get bad enough that my cardiologist put me on Zoloft. Though it helped, I was just not feeling like I was part of the world.

Then I started cardio rehab and it alkl changed. Excercise did it for me. I couldnt believe the difference in me. It was like night and day. I finally had something to lok forward to. I knew it would help me all the way around, but not that much. Then I started morning yoga on the floor of my bedroom and it taught me how to breath. I could not believe the short quick breaths I had been breathing. No wonder I was dizzy all the time. Yoga taught me to focus on my heart in a positive way and thence changed my attiude about things. So the combination of Zoloft and excercise has changed my life. Thought I would share that with you because of what it has done for me. Find a friend who can enocurage you. I met a wonderful woman on AHA website and we are the best of friends. On down days she makes me laugh and I do the same, we can talk about everything and she understands. Her name is Marie and she is a special person..that was a great help as well. I will be praying for you and your strength....

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Hello Carol,

The changes that you are feeling are normal. Oftentimes, when one experiences catastrophic illness there are changes that occurr within our ownselves that at times can inhibit our ability to relate to others as we had in the past.

These changes that happen internally can be manifested in lashing out at others...we need to blame someone for what we've gone through. Sometimes, just talking with your loved ones, openly and honestly, without anger or malice...but through love, we are able to slowly but surely see a new way to be...and that's a good thing.

You may not be able to do somethings the way you used to but you're still able to be...and guess what you're on your way to becoming your better self.

Believe it for it is true!

Carol, please check out my website...www.encouragingwordministries.net

I'm sure you'll find some things to be just happy about.

Your husband is not seeing his lovely bride right now...become a newly improved bride...enjoy the moments that you share they grow more precious with each day of new life, between the two of you!

Breathe in and let go of the pain, feelings of hurt and inadequacy and see your new life as it is, a gift to be celebrated each day.

This is the month that we share and celebrate love...Carol, love is within you, and is between you and your husband...what a blessing to have been the paramour of one for 51 years! Now that's love!

Show each other through gentleness that you love one another...talk it over, plainly and honestly..,without blame or shame. You'll both feel better, I promise!

Be well,
--Nellie!

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Just as everyone has said, I also had significant depression after my cardiac diagnosis. It took me about six months before I realized that depression was really affecting me. I had to ask the doctor for antidepressants--and it has made a huge difference in my life. Get an appt. and go in asap. I think doctors forget about treating the whole person often. Good luck to you

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