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Let's talk about work!

BklynViolet
3 Recommendations

My question is, do most of us work full time? I've gravitated toward challenging jobs and was always really smug about my ability to handle more stress than ANYONE. Ahhh, how the mighty have fallen! MI three years ago at 47 even though I was a thin, non-smoking workout freak. Stent, cardiac rehab, fistful of daily meds....

Thing is, I have never regained my energy. I can power through my work day but have nothing left in the gas tank afterwards. And let's face it, the lifestyle changes that are supposed to keep us alive and kicking are time consuming - avoiding take-out, daily exercise, stress reduction - and much of the time I do none of the above. Getting up in the morning is such a struggle I've had to revisit a moderate amount of caffeine to make it to work (late). My cardiologist admits some of this is from meds but doesn't feel they can be reduced.

Switching to a less stressful job was a bust - I was bored and miserable. So accepting that I'm going to go all-out while at work, I pine for a four-day work week. This seems ridiculous because I am only 50 years old! I need to be earning and saving money because I am not exactly in a high-pay profession. Yet, I also have the feeling that at the rate I'm going, retirement income may not be a real big concern, if you get my drift.

How are others balancing lifestyle changes and work (never mind those of you who have kids, I don't know how you do it!)

Explore topics in this discussion:

Exercise Cancer Heart failure Surgery Bypass surgery Pregnancy Anxiety Beta blockers Plavix Angina Menopause Coreg Crestor Stent Post polio syndrome Vytorin Benicar Stress Arrhythmia Asthma Childbirth Aspirin Simvastatin Imdur Pain Memory Heart attack Avapro

48 replies

Patybluetx

Wow I have learned a lot from this post! For example, Karla thanks for that tidbit about how Coreg lowers your heartrate, I've been trying to figure out why it is that I workout and my heartrate doesn't get higher than 109, my docs attributed it to childbirth but it's been 8 mos!
A little about me...I had peripartum cardiomiopathy in Dec '07 meaning I had heart failure at 38 weeks of pregnancy, I lost my daughter and nearly died..fun huh?
Anyways, 3 mos later my heart had recovered (form an EF of 15-20% to 60-70%!) and I was allowed to go back to my daily activities slowly. Well I'm a military wife and despite my BBA in Marketing and my MIS in Information Systems and an impressive resume that apparently makes me unemployable. It didn't matter much because after my heart failure my hubby didn't want me to go back to work full-time anyways. Well now we live in the middle of nowhere and I'm a happy homemaker. We moved to a bigger house so it takes me a few days to clean it--sure I can clean it in one day but then what would I do the rest of the week?
My sugguestion to you is maybe keep the demanding job, but go part time or timeshare with someone. That way you can have your cake and eat it too...just make sure it's low in sodium ;D

Kennarina

Update on back to work, three weeks later: Whew! This past week has been so hard! Still mornings only, three days a week, piece of cake, right? Not exactly! I have been so suprised by the level of stress and exhaustion I've been feeling every morning this past week. Deadlines, multiple projects all needing my attention (each due yesterday!) and my level of overall stress has exploded. I found myself snapping at a co-worker yesterday who was pointing out proofing errors in my staff newsletter ("Are there two spaces at the end of this sentence or three?" ) I've never had this kind of reaction before - I actually had to physically turn away from her and busy myself in my filing cabinet to stop myself from lungeing over my desk and ripping her lungs out.

Yoiks. What's happening? I was hoping that as the weeks went by, if I stayed nice and calm and parcelled out my time and energy well, that I'd eventually be ready for full-time by early September. I feel like a different person has inhabited my body and my office at work....

Sigh....

martzj

Oh, what a nice story Kenna. So far, so good!!! (smile)
Part time seems to be working for you now. Keep taking those naps! Glad you are feeling more 'normal' again. You sound so young at heart, I'm not surprised.

aloha, Jaynie

Kennarina

Ah, the joys of almost-working...

I only wish I could have somehow afforded to work like this - half days, three days a week all my working life, especially when our kidlets were small and our lives seemed so filled with skating and music lessons, sports, orthodontist appointments, school, travel, etc. I just love this back to work routine - although I realize it is SO unrealistically like my 'real' work life was or will be when I'm really back. I'm thinking that I'll just coast along like this for a while, going to meetings to get caught up to speed. Three months is a long time to be away from a busy workplace - so much has happened and changed. I'm conscious of trying very hard NOT to get caught up in the flurry of activity and stress and deadlines that I can see just beyond my little space, waiting for me...

I tend to feel very 'up' when I'm at work in the mornings, then I walk home and crash, exhausted, for a nap! This has happened three days in a row so far, although no shortness of breath or chest pain or anything that might be a concern.

I think what I like best is the feeling of 'normal' that surrounds me when I'm working. Not feeling normal has been a huge anxiety-causing issue for me since my heart attack, although towards the end of my three months off I was more successful at just being okay with doing very little except resting if that's what I needed to do. This work thing feels like one small and manageable step towards being 'normal' again.

martzj

Kenna,

How nice that you are having a pleasant return to work this week. And that you found you were more ready to return than apprehensive. Part time! Also wonderful! How are you finding life in terms of enough energy to carry you through your day? Any shortness of breath?

Feel good,
Jaynie

arizona1

These posts were so interesting. I feel like I got a snippet into all your lives.My chronic fatigue doctor told me it will be at least 6-9 more months before I can even think about work. I have been off since Memorial Day 2007. I have had a hard time cutting the pace. If I am not working outside the home, I tend to work in the home trying to get things done. I think I have learned quite a bit from reading these posts on this discussion board.

Thanks,
Kathi

terodac

There is more to our life than to work everyday! I tried to go back to work and lasted 4 hours! I left work my blood pressure was high and I just broke down in tears! I told my doctor I was not ready and my husband said just forget it! Thank God I had disability insurance at work as a benefit! I do get that but they give me a hard time every few months with it! My memory is bad and my entergy has left the building! And I do blame my age of 51 for a lot of it! We would have heart problems and menopause at the same time! Have to laugh to keep from crying some days! But I Thank God everyday I am here! Ladies we are here for a reason "God is not through with us yet" Take care God Bless My Heart Sisters!

Kennarina

Hello Heart Sisters

Today was my first day back at work in over three months. I'm back half days only, three days a week to start.

I felt oddly nervous this morning approaching the hospital where I work (first time there since my trip to Emergency on May 6th!) I thought I might run into one of my co-workers in the halls or elevator when I first arrived, but it was one of those flukey moments when everybody was apparently busy somewhere else so I was able to slide quietly into my office without seeing a soul, boot up my computer (YAY! I rememberd my password!) and slowly start my re-entry back into the workplace.

But minutes later, shortly after the first nurse spotted my door open and the lights on, word spread throughout our unit and it was a nonstop parade of hugs and 'Welcome back!' greetings. I had a 9 a.m. one-hour catch-up meeting with my boss, followed by our regular two-hour Tuesday morning staff meeting - then my son and daughter-in-law arrived to take me out for lunch and then home for my afternoon nap.

During the staff meeting, my boss reminded everybody that I am to say NO as much as I need to in order to avoid becoming overloaded and stressed as I continue my recovery. I could have kissed him! Now the challenge is to take his advice - otherwise I can see how these half days can creep insidiously into full days before you know it. Also, I haven't yet had to make decisions, meet deadlines, juggle multiple projects as I normally do on an average day - who knows how I'll manage those without reverting back to my uber-Type A persona.

Boy, if only all my work days were like this... I could get used to these half-days. The best thing was that I realized last week that I was really looking forward to going back to work - not in that anxious guilty way I'd felt in the early weeks post-heart attack, but I just felt READY for it at last.

XOXOXO

Kennarina

Joy2day

Wow.... that outcome did not even occur to me! Being "coddled" by one's co-workers!? I was expecting that they would assume I'd just ease back into being my usual superwoman self....

How is your stress level doing now?

joy2day

Kennarina,
I also thought that my coworkers would say "Hi. Glad you're back. Here's your @#$% work back." Instead, I encountered coworkers who coddled me, tried to protect me (until I wanted to scream), rallyed with me, ... and a boss who blamed himself for placing so much stress on me in the months leading up my diagnosis. We finally talked about his blame during my annual performance review. I agreed with him that the situation at work was a contributing factor, but that he could not blame himself for my reaction to it. I have to take responsibility for examining how I deal with stressful situations. I know that in the future, I will be much more vocal about crying "Uncle". The level of stress that I was under should have been a clear sign that our department was completely and utterly fouled up.

Kennarina

My six-week 'anniversary' this week, post-heart attack. I had fully expected to be back at work by now, well into my 3-month Cardiac Rehab program (haven't even been able to start it yet!) and feeling better than ever. Wrong on all counts! This has been quite an exercise in the universe teaching me that I am SO not in charge around here...

Yesterday, I bundled up all the get-well cards that are lining every horizontal surface in the apartment, reclaimed the dining room table where my son had spread out a jigsaw puzzle for me to do for fun and relaxation, dusted and tidied, and tried to make the place look less like a sick room. All this in a determined if unsuccessful move to retrieve some sense of 'normal' around here and help move me mentally towards that day when I can return to work.

Just thinking about going back to work is enough to make me want to have a little lie-down. I was hoping that when I'm truly ready, the boredom factor alone would make me look forward to heading back! Right now, in between the good and hopeful days ("I've turned the corner!!") I'm still having many 'bad days', distressing drug side effects, and other signs that make me feel very lucky that I have this time off to really heal and mend.

I love my job and my co-workers, but I know me. Within nanoseconds of returning, I'll be greeted with a mountain of overdue projects they've been saving up for me, and because of this need to feel like things are back to normal, I will want to jump right in with both feet. But this is about me wanting to make some kind of stupid point, not about them being insensitive.

mamasmurf

I start back next Wednesday. If you would have told me 2 1/2 weeks ago that I would be going back, I would have cried "uncle". There was no way I would have managed it and I knew it. Now, I'm feeling more like my old self. Happened nearly overnight. Going back to work doesn't worry me like it was. I'll let you know how it goes. I may still be in for a surprise.

debs1

It really does seem that most of the people in our lives are very accepting of disability leaves, changes of job status, time to recover (both physically and emotionally).
Now we just have to convince ourselves ... :)

Kennarina

Hello Heart Sisters...

Just when I had been getting really good at working myself into a minor frenzy about all the rest and relaxation I'm supposed to be doing while recuperating, I was struck by two back-to-back days last week feeling very very low. On days like these, there was no more planning how or when I could drag myself back to work, the sooner the better. Suddenly work was the farthest thing from my mind. I was forced to cry 'uncle'! The universe was assisting me in considering another point of view...

I also realized that one of the most distressing aspects of this urgent compulsion to go back to work lay with my fearful certainty that my co-workers were as anxious to have me back as I was to go back. Imagine my surprise and delight on Friday when a friend from work arrived, bearing lunch and a big wicker basket filled with gifts for me from all my co-workers: lotions, soaps, candles, books, magazines, dark chocolate (good for the heart!) and even bookstore and coffee gift cards. Every get well card carried essentially the same handwritten message from my friends - "Get Better Soon - but don't hurry back to work too fast!"

It seems that my boss has been telling everybody at work that I'm off for 2-3 months! When my co-worker told me this, I at first felt compelled to call him and correct his assumption. Me? Off work for 2-3 months?! Not me! Never!!!!!

BUT!! Why not me? When the Cardiac Rehab nurse told me that she could not accept me into this 3-month program now because I'm not yet physically capable of managing it at this time, she asked: "When was the last time you had the luxury of taking a summer off?"

When indeed?!?!

She then told me her own story: 30 years as an Emergency Room nurse when hit with a cancer diagnosis, followed by months of surgery, chemo and radiation. Her final radiation appointment was on a Monday - she planned to be back at work in Emerg on the Wednesday, despite warnings to the contrary by her oncology team. But that Wednesday morning, she woke up and could not get out of bed. Her body was telling her loud and clear what she would not believe on her own. Incidentally, she DID return to work in Emerg a few weeks later, but after the first few 12-hour shifts back at work, she decided that this work was "not fun anymore" - and changed to supervising the Cardiac Rehabilitation program, 4 mornings a week!

Feeling uncomfortable about rest and recovery reminds me of a friend who is a physiotherapist but now on longterm disability leave after a diagnosis of Post Polio Syndrome. She told me that when she first went on leave, she felt so guilty and uneasy about 'doing nothing' at home that she couldn't even lie down on the couch for a nap without making sure she had a load of laundry in or the dishwasher on at the same time! Sound familiar?

1spudcat

I am so grateful for the initial post BklynViolet. You have brought the struggle of work out in the open. I have been wondering how I stacked up to others and I see myself in so many of the posts.

Deadlines bring them on, give me the challenge. Need some extra hours...I'm there. Now I watch the clock, pushing myself to do the best I can which is not the best I use to be.
This is humbling...very humbling. I have watched as parts of
my job have been fielded to others. Others are writing the grants and cut and pasting my words because I am simply not keeping up the pace. I have huge issues with details these days if I am multitasking. Which was so much of my job before. So I simply create the curriculum for the program, interact daily with children and that's all they want from me as well occasional advise due my years of experience with children and families.

Dealing with this is a challenge. I actually like the simplicity of where I am but feel like my value has diminished on the team. And yes I have talked about this and I work with kind, sweet, nurturers who just keep saying "don't worry about it, just do what you can. But I know others are carrying additional loads because of me and I know I am being talked about. I have worked there long enough to know what people don't say to your face they will say to each other. It feels so awkward. Work just feels awkward and will continue to unless I can adjust to these lowered expectations that come not just from others but from me.

As a type A personality accepting all this is a hard pill to swallow. I miss my "fire" and my old competence. I so appreciate the humor and empathize with the angst that was registered on all these posts.

Kennarina

Hmmmm...... looks like some of us need to win the lottery. Or get swept away by a nice Sugar Daddy. Or both....

It is not possible for me to express in mere words how glad I am that I accidentally stumbled onto this website en route to looking up other stuff online, all heart-related of course. It's 'All-Heart,-All-The-Time' around my place these days.

I learn so much from your posts, and am so inspired by the courage and grit and wisdom I find here.
THANK YOU :-)

XOXOXOXOX

junimead

I don't know how anyone that feels like I do can work at all. I'm in the process of applying for disability and they have denied me because of my age. I give kudos to those of you that do work. In fact, my husband lost his job because I had so many bad days that he had to call in sick (or sick wife) for. I have 3 kids, 14, almost 12 and 2 and I need constant help with them. I actually didn't work before I got sick, I was home with our youngest but now can't even think about going to work. Good luck to everyone!

MARYCORINNE

Wow this site is so great. I can see that many of you are fighting the same fight as I am. Dragging through life and really enjoying those days when there is extra energy. My ICD device will be placed June 25th. I keep looking at my chestwall and try to emagine a large bump there. I even asked my Cardiologist if she could lift "the girls" while they were in the neighborhood. She said she had been asked this question before ! HA ~Anyway take care and go ahead and take those naps !! Girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. MaryCorinne :)

Kennarina

Hello Heart Sisters
BklynViolet, you had me laughing out loud at yesterday's post! You are hilarious, and unfortunately, bang on about us Types As. I have already decided, for example, sitting in my weekly "Heart to Heart" support group meetings, how I am going to run these meetings (better, of course!) after I 'graduate' next month! World domination, here I come....

Debs1, your words struck a chord when you wrote that other people say to you: "You look the same" and "You look just fine". I'm NOT the same and I'm NOT fine. Five years ago, I had a bicycle accident and spent three months sporting crutches and a brilliant purple fiberglas cast on my left leg. There's nothing like crutches and a purple cast to make other bus passengers leap up to offer you their seat. But who leaps up to offer a heart patient a seat? I loved your NO story to the 45-minute deadline and I will write that one on my hand to remember it. NO is a complete sentence!

I was at a staff workshop once where the speaker said it's too bad that we all don't wear big signs around our necks to let others know what's going on for us: "My husband's having an affair" or "My teenager is on drugs". Wouldn't we treat these people with extra compassion and care if we knew? The truth is: we ALL have these signs - they are just invisible ones! And for recovering heart patients, our signs are particularly invisible. We can walk, talk, laugh, and look a lot like we used to. I'm thinking that when I do go back to work, I will try not washing my hair, no makeup, and baggy gym clothes to get the message across: I AM NOT FINE YET! ;-)

That's one of the reasons I'm anxious about returning to work - and even working from home as DGrant suggests. I know these people! I'll first be greeted with big hugs and "So great to see you back!" - followed immediately by a mountain of projects they've been waiting to unload onto me when I return! It's the slippery slope...

Meanwhile, I'm trying to enjoy that daytime TV!

Dgrant

I had my heart attack on December 17, 2007, had subsequent bypass surgery on December 19, and got out of the hospital on Christmas eve, 2007. I own a medical transcription business that I run from my home, and I had someone covering for me. However, this person made more mistakes than I could handle, and it was less stressful for me to just take back the work and do it myself. I don't have a huge clientele, so it wasn't like I was working day and night or anything. Well, taking back the work probably saved my sanity. It gave me something to focus on other than myself and my aches and pains!! Plus, my clients are the best people on earth. They all told me -- take care of yourself first, and then do the work. Don't rush to get everything done in 24 hours. I am so blessed. So, I worked at my own pace. An hour here, and hour there. Now I'm back to working a full load, but only about 6 hours per day. I had been working part time at a hospital, as well, but I decided not to go back to that job after my surgery, and it has been a good decision. I've since added two clients to my business to take the place of the hospital, and one of them, are you ready? One of them was, yes, it's true -- the American College of Cardiology. I thought that was a HOOT when I was able to land that account!! How ironic that I would have a CABG surgery followed by working for the ACC......truth is stranger than fiction!!

Anyway, if there is some way that people could work back into full time work on a gradual basis, that would be so much better than BAM!! Back to work full time! I'm not sure I could have managed going from resting all day to working all day without doing it gradually. It just makes sense to me. I wish employers would see it that way...........:::::::::sigh::::::::::

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