Feeling Guilty - Need to Vent...

• By SojournHR
• Reply 3464425
• October 16, 2012 at 9:40 pm
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No husband or kids, but I know where you're coming from about the work piling up at the office. I am 6 weeks post SCAD (spontaneous coronary artery dissection) which led to a heart attack. When I returned to work, several people told me that "no one" or "no thing" at work was worth risking my health. I have to work and I couldn't just not ever go back, but I came to realize that only I can take care of myself. On the day I returned, my boss never even asked how I was doing. I knew then that all of my efforts to win approval by busting my butt hadn't changed anything before and they weren't going to change anything now. My primary care doc put me back on a modified schedule and I have taken advantage of that over the past few weeks "just because I could." I know it's easier said than done, and I know you have responsibilities at work, but think of yourself and your family first, and think of work way down the line of priorities. My best to you.

• By MargaretMCI5
• Reply 3464925
• October 17, 2012 at 5:33 am
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Hi Aileymom,
I don't mean to be harsh but would you feel less guilty if you had had full-blown CABG? That could be where you are heading if you don't wake up and smell the coffee, Girl. Please take some time for yourself and do what you need to do to start feeling better. It takes many years to develop heart disease, it won't go away because you got a stent. You need to find time for you to implement your lifestyle changes.

Have you attended any sort of cardiac rehab? If not, you and your husband could go and learn the importance of cardiac rehabilitation together. There may even be something for your son.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. The heart disease is hard enough to deal with, without placing unrealistic expectations on yourself. In my humble opinion, there are very few jobs worth dying for. Also, IMHO - life is good!
Best wishes to you, Ailey.
M :)

• By 2livelife (Inactive)
• Reply 3465046
• October 17, 2012 at 7:25 am
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I totally understand where you are coming from. I too am the same way. Always providing time for job, kids, husband etc.... and feel guilty when I need "me" time to do the things I need or want to do. There is only one you and as my sister said " you need to take care of you". I ended up leaving my full time job because I felt I over did this summer, only to feel worse. Now I am searching for a change and am not sure what or when it will happen but trying not to feel guilty along the way. Heart disease is a struggle enough to think about, so please try not to feel guilty when making choices. Their is only one you! <3

• By Millie18
• Reply 3465276
• October 17, 2012 at 8:48 am
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Well most of it has been said. I think the reason we have heart conditions is down to one major factor.....putting ourselves last! and worrying about everyone and everything else.

Have I changed ?NO I am still the worrier and feel the guilt yet my husband and son don't seem to rush to ansswer the phone and they don't jump up when they are asked to do something...yep...they finish their TV programme, have a cup of tea do the things they want to and if they happen to get around to doing as you asked befor the end of the day...well you just got lucky...

most times it takes a week or more...unless they have something less pressing like playing a game on the computer or reading and old newspaper..or you have finally blown your top as you scream "how come when you ask me to do something it gets done straight away!"

That might shift them into action, provided they don't get side tracked on the way to doing what you asked....then it starts all over again..until you drag your tired body up and get it done yourself.

And if we dropped dead to morrow will it matter that you are not there to do all you do?
You can bet they will get along fine...
so unless it suits you to be at their beck and call...do for yourself first and take a page out of their book.
You have the most legitimate reason for taking time for your self..your own personal wellbeing...
forget the people etc. that have place the burden of carer and giver on your shoulders,
only carry as much of the load as you body allows.
Good luck ladies...I am off not and I will really try to take some of my own advice....
Will they ever change...I guess only when I do.

• By Artista
• Reply 3465330
• October 17, 2012 at 9:04 am
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Understandable. I mean think about it? There is this saying it takes as long as you got into a situation to get out? NOW I don't mean years here, because likely you've been doing it all for quite some time, BUT- it will take time and patience to heal and be better and get rid of the old ways of doing things for everyone but you! You SHOULD have time for you as you pointed out. This needs to become part of who you are so you can avoid further issues. Change takes time to settle into the spirit. WE all get used to doing things in a rote manner. One day, when you are stronger and have more energy for more, you will wonder how you ever forgot yourself. :)

• By AileyMom
• Reply 3467053
• October 17, 2012 at 8:06 pm
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Thank you, Ladies!! I appreciate your feedback and words of wisdom. I think getting ready for a big inspection at work next week is taking a toll. The rational part of me knows if I don't take care of myself I could have another heart attack with more serious damage...or worse. The irrational part of me wants to pretend my heart attack didn't happen and keep rocking along like I used to. I've got to find a new balancing act and it's proving more difficult than expected at times. Deep sigh...

I definitely agree that my hubby and son don't seem to stress much about all what is one their plate or how they're going to get it all done. They find time to play games, watch TV, yada yada and don't seem too guilty about it. Maybe they don't a guilt gene...must be nice.

Thanks again!
k

• By doctorphobe
• Reply 3468565
• October 18, 2012 at 10:29 am
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sooo right!
even tho i haven't had a heart attack, i did have issues with troponin levels when i went 911 in feb for respiratory crisis. since i apparantly have aortic stenosis ( mild, manageable) i also feel the need to know my limits.
i always have had a low fatigue threshold, no doubt becuase of a.s. which i discovered has been around a while.( heart murmur)
after getting the bejeebers scared outta me by these doctors and their lofty knowledge of all things cardiac,i have vowed to stop when i am tired...be it an unfinished project, chores, or favors. when i go past my "tired" i wind up with palpitations...lovely regular pulse rate just can feel it in my lips, my pillow, my wherever....and it feels awful.
my energy level is fine. i am active, trim my horse's hooves , bicycle and walk all over the place.
the "creeping olds" may be part, too. i am 68.(going on 15)
but you are right!
it is soo hard to say, honey, i really need a break...time out, a book and a binky.
stick to it. you are no good for anybody if you run yourself into the ground.