CHF AND ANGRY

Greeneyes2263
  • By Greeneyes2263 · August 29, 2012 at 5:53 pm · 19 replies
  • In Myocardial infarction (heart attack)
  • 0 Recommend      
    Options
    Options:
  • Shared with the public

I need help with this anger of having CHF at 48 yrs old

Explore topics in this post

Explore topics in this post:

19 replies   

Keesha63

Alrighty if you are looking for some help then posting something about your situation might be helpful. How about a little background? What's the story? Your CHF is related to what? Heart attack? Is so when was it? Virus? Cause unknown? How long since you were diagnosed? What's your symptoms? What's making you angry?

KebieBear

Yes, please share more info so others can advise you.

Regards,

KB

Greeneyes2263

Thank you for responding wasnt real sure how this works.I am a 48 yr old female.I was diagnosed three months ago with CHF.I had a Heart Attack,and was put on a vent in a coma for 3 days.I quit breathing.I am so scared and I am very angry that my life has changed so much,and so fast.I am having a really hard time dealing,and very depressed.I quit smoking immediately and I have picked them back up due to the stress.I know they will kill me,but I cant seem to care enough to quit.I have many issues going on in my life right now,that are very stressful.I cant seem to get my diet right,and I fight BP problems daily.I am just so scared and need to pull myself together,just cant seem to. I am afraid to go to sleep some nights for fear that my heart will stop and I wont wake up.

Greeneyes2263

Thank you for responding wasnt real sure how this works.I am a 48 yr old female.I was diagnosed three months ago with CHF.I had a Heart Attack,and was put on a vent in a coma for 3 days.I quit breathing.I am so scared and I am very angry that my life has changed so much,and so fast.I am having a really hard time dealing,and very depressed.I quit smoking immediately and I have picked them back up due to the stress.I know they will kill me,but I cant seem to care enough to quit.I have many issues going on in my life right now,that are very stressful.I cant seem to get my diet right,and I fight BP problems daily.I am just so scared and need to pull myself together,just cant seem to. I am afraid to go to sleep some nights for fear that my heart will stop and I wont wake up.

Keesha63

So the heart attack was 3 months ago as well?

cajngrl

Well, my advice to you is to seek some help for the depression first and foremost.

Second is that you and only you can make the necessary changes you need to make in order to live...AND LIVE A PRODUCTIVE LIFE YOU CAN! But unfortunately you won't get it done being on the path that you are currently following. Look, there is no magic pill to this. Grieve, get over it and move on. Others will be critical of me for being so harsh, but sitting home and feeling sorry for yourself will surely prevent you from progressing. There are millions of peeps in your same exact boat who go on to live a long and very active and productive lives. I am even younger than you are and have been left with CHF and a severly damaged heart. I too was angry, and thankfully I realized sooner rather than later that I and only I controlled my destiny. I was a heavy smoker and even remember smoking a damn cigarette while I was having chest pains. See, I love my cigarettes too at one time, but now, I love myself way more than those little cancer and heart attack sticks.

Not sure what your faith and beliefs are but I would urge you to get in touch with that side of things as well. I bid you best wishes my friend. Again, you and only you will make a difference for yourself right now.

laurali
  • By laurali
  • Reply 3334163 · In reply to 3333356 by Greeneyes2263
  • August 30, 2012 at 3:01 pm
  • Report post

Hi Greeneyes! You've taken an important first step reaching out to this network! CHF is NOT a death sentence -- (although cigs definitely can be!). Take one step at a time, ie., why are you "fighting" your BP? Talk to your doctors and get your meds adjusted to take care of that for you. If it's going too low, let them know. If your doctors are not responsive to you, find a new one soon!

Of course, each person's situation is different....given that, I was diagnosed with CHF, cardiomyopathy, and had an ICD implant 6 yrs ago (at 62). Today, I'm doing everything I always have done -- exercise, having fun, traveling, volunteering, dealing with family member's difficult illnesses, etc., etc. It can be done. My aunt was diagnosed with CHF many, many years ago ....she's still living in her home at age 92! I also second getting some depression help either with Rx and /or therapist...it can help get you through the first difficult 6 months or so. Take care. Hugs, laurali

joy2day

Hi GreenEyes,
I'm 50 ... I was diagnosed with CHF 4 years ago. No heart attack, but HF due to untreated high blood pressure.

Many of us have also experienced the fear of falling asleep as well as all the unspoken fears of the future. You are NOT alone!!!!! And your friends and family may have no clue how you feel because they have not experienced what you have.

Karla

Keesha63

And now my 2 cents :) I had a massive heart attack at 47. Also did 50% damage and it left me with a diagnosis of heart failure grade 3 meaning I should only be able to do simple things like dress myself. Only grade worse was a grade 4 which is a cardiac invalid that needs assistance with pretty much everything. My heart attack was almost 2 years ago. And yep at the time of my heart attack I was a 34 yr smoker. I smoked right up to 15 minutes before the ambulance came.

Now what you need to keep in mind is... you survived. You were for some reason given another day. You are 100% responsible for what happens from here on. Sucks because ideally it would be great to put the blame on someone else. What happened to you is traumatic. Trust me 99% of us never seen it coming. Depression afterwards is common. Ask for help, seek therapy, take a small amount of time to mourn your past life and move into your new "normal". Many many women have a heart attack and don't survive, and yet for some reason you did. You need to treat each day as a gift which truly it is!

So here's were I stand almost 2 years later. My CHF which was a grade 3 is now a grade 2 and only 4% away from being a grade 1. I enjoy every single day I get. I accept my restrictions and I accept my "new normal". I am ALIVE! Sometimes it bothers me to think about how my life has changed, but its a heck of a lot better than the other option of not being here at all. I don't smoke anymore, I watch what I eat, I try to exercise every day. None of those is an easy thing to do but I alone am 100% responsible and I refuse to toss my gift of getting a second chance away.

Greeneyes2263

Yes my Heart Attack was May 22nd.This is still all fresh and overwhelming everytime I feel a chest pain,arm pain,or shortness of breath I get a little panicked.I am so thankful I found this site,everyone seems so wonderful.I had quit smoking after my HA,and due to so much stress I started back,but today I crushed them all up and said IM DONE I want to live.......I thank God he gave me a little more time with my precious Grandbabies.....

Rudywg

I agree with cjngrl that you seek out professional help. I would also like to suggest you reach out to someone who exhudes peace and who seems to live by a rock-solid faith. I've had times in my life when I really needed to duke it out with Jesus. (The great thing is I was the only one swinging.) Now I'm in a place where I could not get out of bed most mornings if I didn't know that He was right there with me.
Rudywg

Bo77

I get where you are coming from green eyes, I was diagnosed with CHF 5 months ago after suffering multiple heart attacks and SCAD. My heart attacks and SCAD happened within two weeks of me having my third baby.
I am 35 and have moderate heart failure, I am unable to walk any distance and have 3 lively boys aged 5, 3 and 6 months. It is so hard to accept especially considering I didn't smoke, ate a healthy diet, and didn't drink much. But here I am.... With this life long condition.... It's hard, but you have to go through the grieving process, you just have to. You have lost the life you once had. I see a community psychiatric nurse who specialises in dealing with long term conditions. It helps. You need to get help with your emotional state of mind, then you need to deal with the smoking and the diet. You need to find another crutch as the smoking one will kill you.
I get so angry at times too and it is healthy to vent that anger but you need to move on from it and I suppose use it as a step to stand on... Good luck with everything... Seek help though.

Janda

Hello,
I too live with CHF, living in end stages right now. I have dilated cardiomyopathy, and am working at getting my BMI down to 40 so I can get my LVAD implant (currently at 46 BMI ). Sometimes it seems to be an impossibility!
Enjoy your grandbabies and live each day to the fullest , thanking God each day you are blessed with breath!
Good Luck

Pavater

Congratulations on the most important step you could take toward better health-stopping smoking. I did it 25 years ago and it was not easy but I told myself each day that I would never have to make it through that day again. I also found something to do to distract me. In my case it was counted cross stitch which really worked well as it distracted both my mind and my hands. i recommend some type of handwork for you while you are recuperating. Do you knit or crochet? I even bought flour sack tea towels and stamped and embroidered them for Christmas gifts. My Mom used to make these. Her generation believed that one should never have idle hands. (She was born in 1899 and died at age 96 and her children and grandchildren all treasure the gifts she made.)
The next time you want a cigarette remember too that it is not only poison for your heart and circulatory system but causes COPD of the lungs and tobacco smoke contains over 50 carcinogen-not only almost 90% of lung cancer but cancer of the larynx, head, neck, stomach, bladder, kidney, esophagus and pancreas fifty known carcinogens, have a link to tobacco. You are on your way to a better day-never look back but keep your eye on the prize-a better life!

Elrainng

I understand your fear- I'm 29 and was just diagnosed with cardiomyopathy. I find that I vacillate between acceptance and determination to make the rest of my years as healthy as possible, and despondence over the nature of my illness and its limitations. Mine was caused by a random bacterial infection that I almost didn't survive; that said, I've found that it helps if I focus on the many blessings I've had since this crazy journey began (surviving the infection, the fantastic friendships that I've drawn so much strength from, the increase in the depth of my relationship with my spouse, etc). I personally believe that there is so much to be said for positive thinking (that said, please know that I do my fair share of wallowing in self pity, I promise!)

Greeneyes2263

Thank you.
Wow 29 thats so young!!!! Your attitude is so awesome about your determination. I to will get there, this is just still so fresh to me,and the fear is unreal. My Daughter is getting married next year,and of course I am afraid I wont be here to see it!!!! I am not sure how long it will take to grieve this and move on!!!! I think I am still in shock that I even had a Heart Attack.
Thanks for writing and hopefully with a little more time I can get your positive attitude!!!!
Kerri

Juffit

Hi Greeneyes
I hear ya! It is so scarey! (hence, a very normal response to your circumstance me thinks!) There is a time period before we are able to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and opt for some life-changing decisions. I have a feeling all those who have responded to your situation have made you feel less alone, and that seems to negate fear on some level. When I was a smoker, and quit, I went to a health food store and got cigarello-sized sticks from a licorice tree. The licorice cuts the craving, but what saved me was how they kept my hands (and mouth) busy like a cigaretted does..........part of the addiction, I'll bet. I was a Social Worker working with kids at the time........they loved the nut case that chewed on sticks while trying to mend their lives! There is also a web site (look up Tara Brach). I guess you could say it is Buddhist, but to me her ideas about mindful meditation are so helpful. She tells you how our minds produce fearful thoughts, because it is the nature of mind (sometimes referred to as "the drunken monkey".)
When I can't sleep, I plug in and fall asleep with Tara's good advice. May your green eyes see the Light in each day, best wishes. Judi

Gretfish

Hi,
I totally understand the anger. I was angry and in denial thinking I know this is a misdiagnosis it's impossible for this busy bee to have advance congestive heart failure. I now understand that this is one of stages of grief we go through as we adjust to a new way of life. I see a therapist to help me cope with my condition.There are five stages of grief denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance. Each surgical procedure can generate these fillings. I find ready everything I can get my hand on and exercising daily (walking) frees my mind from most of the anxiety and help me work through these stages. The exercise along with the medications help me gain strength and feel less tired. Of course I still take naps and have learned not to eat before I exercise because my body gets tired after meals partically meals with heavy proteins such as beef or pork. The dilated cardiomyopathy has had a positive affect on my life I take better care of myself than I did when I was well. My E.F is 30 and I have mitral and tricuspid valve regurgitation as a result I am on the transplant list however I am determined within my limits to keep my muscles strength as well as have the rest of my body as healthy as positive. Until this happen I was preoccupied with taking care of everybody else except myself and worked 90 hours plus a week driving over 1200 miles a week for 15 years. i am blessed to be able to appreciate the sunrise and my ability to just to do the basics like bath and dress myself, grocery shop and household chores yet take the time to rest and nap as needed. I turned off all the negative thoughts I had when I was tired and slept most of a day feeling lazy and nonproductive, My ah hah moment came when I realized these rest periods are healing and resting my heart, in fact I was loving myself. My prayers are with you as you continue on this journey. God blessyou.

goingstrong

Well, greeneyes, you have received so much excellent advice here, I cannot think of anything to add. I would, however, say that doing most of what has been stated would do so much toward giving you a feeling of empowerment in what feels like such a tremendously power-LESS feeling!

I live in Houston, and will offer to meet you half-way, along I-45 somewhere--Madisonville or such- can't remember the towns along the way right now, but anyway, would love to meet you and have a cuppa with you and talk about your new normal.

I think, in part, you need to find a support group (Mended Hearts?) or is there a WomenHeart group there in the Dallas area? We could even try to put one together from Houston metro and Dallas metro and meet 1/2 way somewhere. I've thought of that for a long time.

Keep us informed. The ciggs are a great first step! And find a therapist!

Lynn

This discussion is closed to replies. We close all discussions after 90 days.

If there's something you'd like to discuss, click below to start a new discussion.

Start a new discussion

Things you can do

Support WomenHeart

Help WomenHeart reach its goals and support people like yourself by making a donation today.

Donate to WomenHeart

Discussion topics

Heart health links and resources


The SCAD Ladies Stand Up -- Read the special report

Community leaders

Disclaimer

The information provided by this online support network through WomenHeart: The National Coalition for Women with Heart Disease and Inspire is for general informational purposes only. The information is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment. If you are ill, or suspect that you are ill, see a doctor immediately. In an emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. WomenHeart: The National Coalition for Women with Heart Disease never recommends or endorses any specific physicians, products or treatments for any condition.