- cause I'm pretty freaking sick of me at this point. Yesterday, after 4 attacks by 10am, I called the doc. He upped the Isosorp to 120mgs once a day. I felt better today, thought to myself yippee, that did it, I'm better! Nope. 7:30, on my knees in pain. Hope is a wondeful thing, and a horrible thing at the same time. I guess I need to learn that maybe it's not going to be an easy fix. I really want to cry, I just want one day without an attack, one day I don't feel pain in my chest, one day to feel normal before I get reminded I'm not. It's been months and months of every freaking day with this. I know this is temporary, he told me it can be a trick getting the right meds, silly me thought I'm going to prove him wrong and be a good little girl and get it right the first time. I'm sorry, I'm so sick of feeling like a weenie. Would someone please kick me in the butt and tell me to get over myself?!
K
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are you sick of me yet????
- By kwinner
- Posted April 8, 2008 at 11:26 pm · 11 replies
- In My heart disease - diagnosis and symptoms
- Shared with the public
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11 replies
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- By 1spudcat
- Posted April 9, 2008 at 12:20 am
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So its butt kicking you want? Goodness K give yourself a break. I have been reading your posts and life is so up and down for you....never knowing what to expect and how intense the pain will be, I have had a just few bouts of angina and the "weenie" factor was majorly in play. Bottom line is we are all weenies when it comes to the scare our hearts can give us. This is a normal response particularly when your resilience factor is being worn out! However, always maintain hope because without it things can look pretty grim.
There is no need to get over yourself, because this has to be all about you. You are in a battle that is full of pain and you need to maintain your focus, resilience and your sense of humor to survive this season. Have said a pray that the doc will get this fixed and that despite your angina you can live with more moments of joy and not desperation. Take Care and may your need for butt kicking be replaced with lots of good old hugging. Ruth sending you a great big cyber hug
- By gracie62
- Posted April 9, 2008 at 12:51 am
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K,
Extra hug for the day - you know why. Any post from you makes me smile. I'm always here for you.
D
- By mamasmurf
- Posted April 9, 2008 at 8:49 am
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"Would someone please kick me in the butt and tell me to get over myself?!"
Don't the doctors generally do this enough to us women??? Don't think you'll find a woman here willing to do that to you.
We love you and are here to stand by each other as we walk this new path that life got us turned down. All we can do is learn to navigate the new one. We were comfortable in on our old path cause we pretty much new what to expect. Now there will be stumbling blocks in our way that we have to deal with and sometimes they will make us feel like a weenie, but honestly did you feel like a weenie when you were learning something else for the first time? Probably not. Give yourself time and permission to say "THIS SUCKS!!!!" cause it does. Especially if you are constantly being reminded of it.
Instead of anticipating the chest pain to just stop all at once. Start looking for smaller success', like going a few hours and maybe a few hours more, before you have another. Or maybe less of them per day. Whichever works to give you something to grasp onto. Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". I'm sure the writer wasn't refering to our particular situations, but that's what's so cool about the Bible. God can use it however to help us.
So, keep the faith, keep the hope. You will get there.
Tina
**and if I ever see you calling yourself a weenie, I WILL find you and kick your butt :) ** ((((hugs))))
- By LoveMyHeart
- Posted April 9, 2008 at 9:06 am
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I like the idea of looking for smaller goals. Sometimes you just have to be happy to wake up in the morning.
There are days that I feel the same way you do kwinner - Why do I have to take this medicine everyday? Why can't I be okay without it? Why is my body so weak? I should be stronger. But ya know what, the next day I get up and think - TODAY IS GOING TO BE A WONDERFUL DAY.
You will get through this and remember that you have already beat the odds - YOU ARE ALIVE!!!! It will take time to get the medicine regulated, but imagine how AWESOME you will feel once you get it right!!!!!
xoxo
LMH
- By Dmadscientist
- Posted April 9, 2008 at 9:16 am
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Hey!! There will be no kicking of butts on this site!! Just inspiration, so smile my HeartSister, we are ALIVE! ;o)
- By kwinner
- Posted April 9, 2008 at 10:24 am
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Okay, no butt kicking! :) Thank you all for your kindness and patience with me. I'll just keep breathing in and out, and learn to roll with it. Today will be a better day!
Love and hugs,
K
- By seayb94
- Posted April 9, 2008 at 12:37 pm
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Kwinner
We could never get tired of you.....Keep your chin up and smile :).........I have faith that you will get this under control.....
Hugs
B
- By goingstrong
- Posted April 9, 2008 at 1:34 pm
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No butt kicking here either. I don't have chronic pain so can't say I KNOW how you feel.
But because I have no pain, I have no warning that I'm in danger b/c of slowly closing arteries. So, any little tiny pain makes me wonder if the BIG ONE is coming.
I've already had a by-pass (that has failed) so I know that's not always the answer to the problem!
Have a great day today, and keep calling that Dr. for more answers!
Lynn
- By CJA
- Posted April 9, 2008 at 5:12 pm
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K,
It sounds as if you've already had your butt kicking contest, you won, right? Of course you did because you're still here with all that fire in your soul looking to do battle with the monster.
So now that we know what we're fighting against let's talk about this weenie thing. If you think you're a weenie well I've got news for you, me too!!!!!
I've been doing my weenie act for 13 years now, hey everybody's got to be good at something or so "they" say.
You would never know to look at me that I carry a big, "I'm a big chicken" sign on my back. Every pain is serious and scarry. I can get so frighten over one little twinge I have to lay down and think of beatiful things to calm down. So goes the ways of heart disease. It's a scary and sometimes lonesome predicament that with have found ourselves in, but here we are. My fear of the unknown when it comes to heart disease is perhaps the only element that I have yet to come to terms with. Yet somehow I work through it for I must. I will become one with the fear and I will learn to live with it and not let it control me.
Well, that's easier said than done, for sure. But I am still hopeful that I can at least come to terms with understanding that maybe my fear of the unkown is what keeps me ever vigilante with my heart disease.
I never take anything for granted anymore. So as far as that butt kicking thing, naw, stop say no to butt kicking. And remember if you think that you're a weenie, well i say you're just in good company with the rest of us. So come on down and join the gang, cause there's plenty of the inknown out here for all of us to share.
After, you are never alone, we are your sister hearts and we hold each up everyday. Isn't that what a sister for?
Be well, today and everyday.
CJ" weenie on duty"
- By Blueheart
- Posted April 30, 2008 at 3:58 pm
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Hi,
I won't kick you in the butt either! I know how you feel, but as the others said, be happy to wake up in the morning, and being alive! I use this quite often when someone asks me how I am, I say "I'm still alive!" and as long as we are alive and moving around at least a little, we are ahead of this getting us. I am surprised how many young women there are on this site with heart disease. I am going to be 61 and have to admit that I am scared every minute.
When I awake in the morning I tell myself I woke up and thank God for another day. Hang in there kiddo and get your meds adjusted and keep after it till you feel better with them.
Hugs to you,
Blueheart
- By gatlinsdoll
- Posted April 30, 2008 at 8:20 pm
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No Butt kicking for you but you can save it for...........................! ha! Like everyone said, GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!!!!!! you are dealing with alot and 3 weeks ago, I would not have been able to comprehend but now i say concentrate on 1 breath at a time!!! You Will Get This Under Control!!! the road may be slippery but you are tough! You Cannot give up cause YOU (as well as everyone else here) are my inspiration!!! We all know your pain and Lord knows would take it away but YOU Will Get Better!!! Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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