Well, I have my dr. appointment tomorrow, and my job is going to allow me to work until the day of surgery which is a blessing and will keep my mind off everything else going on. Had a conversation with my 6 year old last weekend about what was going to happen, and she is so excited that her momma is going to be part pig. It is so funny how the little ones only see the cool parts of things. She is sure I'm going to oink when I get out, so I've been practicing my very best pig noises and rooting techniques lol. My dr. had mentioned that eventually I may also need a pacemaker. That will be my new bit of research, but what concerns me is how my mother is reacting and responding. The whole last hospital stay (when they found the problem) she would call me to cry about it. I felt fine about the procedure. But her being so upset don't help! I was always a sickly child born with Arthritist etc. So she always wanted to take care of me and I am EXTREMELY independent from the time I was 5 or 6. However, she has conveinced me for the time being that I should come stay with her until after my surgery etc. I have been there since I got out of the hospital about 2 weeks ago from gallbladder surgery and can literally do NOTHING for myself. I came back to work early just to escape her. She is very protective and caring and has always took care of others. However, I don't know at what point the line got crossed that she came into my bedroom and asked me if she could cuddle with me until I fell asleep. This is all before my surgery. I realize that I will need all the help I can get afterwards, but before I want to be able to breath and have some freedom. I love my mother more than anything in the world, however being 35 and her being 65 and trying to constantly force feed me foods that do not agree with me and making my bed and trying to put me in it at 7:30pm every evening is getting old. I am not sure how much more I can take before I say something smart and hurt her feelings. That is the last thing I want to do, but if I don't have some space before this surgery it is going to happen. I can shut the bathroom door and she comes and knocks and asks to come in and what I am doing... I asked her last night if she wanted to see what I was doing before I flushed? She didn't appreciate this much and I know it was very ugly of me to say, but I'm hoping someone has a secret to help be become invisible for the next few weeks! Please understand I am so grateful to have my mother healthy and willing to take care of me (even if it should be the other way around). I know how lucky I am, but I would like to have a couple of hours a week just to not be hounded by her. She feels I need to eat every hour on the hour and I don't have an appetite yet after gallbladder everything still tastes bad. I'm just venting I guess, but I do need space.
Appointment tomorrow to schedule my OHS
- By imapeacemaker · August 27, 2012 at 4:22 pm · 5 replies
- In Emotional and psychological issues
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- By imapeacemaker
- Reply 3325850
- August 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm
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Thanks so much PG! I have attempted that but my mother was always a caregiver and takes care of everyone, she retired about a month before I started having health problems and she is not absolutely certain that the reason she retired was to care for me, and not to take time for herself as she should. My mom was the oldest of 7 and her entire life has raised babies and worked from her younger siblings to my sisters children now (who my sister doesn't have custody of any longer). So it is a very tough path to say the least. I already feel as though I am walking on eggshells with her as is. But she has decided now that she must go to this dr. appointment with me tomorrow, and maybe with his help and guidance we can show her that I am going to have to be able to do things for myself also, and that it is NOT okay to cuddle with your 35 year old daughter. I didn't even like cuddling with my ex hubby! LOL
- By doctorphobe
- Reply 3325991
- August 27, 2012 at 5:57 pm
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professional psychological intervention may be needed. there is a fine line between neurosis and psychosis.. you need help yeah, but definitely not the strain of mom losing it. good luck. you soound very co fident of your own situation. don't forget to grab these forums whd.ever u need. we're here for ya. dp
- By LadybuginGeorgia
- Reply 3326899
- August 28, 2012 at 12:13 am
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I agree 100% with doctorphobe. Your mother may need some serious (and loving) counseling. Your health may depend on it.
- By yarnkitty
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- August 28, 2012 at 9:22 am
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I was going to suggest a few sessions of family counseling before your surgery to help you with setting boundaries as kindly as possible and to help Mom understand that you need to be active to help your recovery. I think the invitation to check the toilet was probably a necessary intervention. She needed to see how invasive her care was becoming.
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Hi there: I had OHS to repair my valve some 20 months ago and you will need help with lifting, etc., but it is a delicate balance between resting and walking around to get things moving in order to regain your strength and get your lungs working so you don't retain fluid in them. So, I think you are going to have to somehow get your mom from hovering over you so her help doesn't create a different kind of stress for you. I know that you will probably need to get into some cardiac rehab to get your confidence and activity level up and going as well and mom will probably not agree with that. Can you just have a talk with your mom and tell her that you would appreciate her doing the cooking, laundry and vaccuming for you, but that you will have to make your own decisions about your personal activity and eating habits? After all, this surgery is supposed to improve your life and not make you an invalid. It sounds like you have become your mom's chief occupation. It a delicate road not to hurt her feelings, but I guess the way I would handle it just to talk to her and I would also ask that she needs to have a positive attitude with you and not crying so that you are not worrying about her well-being as well as facing this surgery. You will be okay and come thru this to the other side, but you need to focus on yourself and getting better. I will say a prayer for you and am sending you a virtual hug. Good luck --PG