I was diagnosed with Stage 1V Her2 Pos Mets in December 2007. I have been in a state of what I call "semi" denial for the past 8 months, just trying to get my head around this sudden change in who I am. I am a staff training director for a non-profit treatment center as well as a professional jazz singer. 51 year old grandmother, Mother of 3 children in their 30's. I have one sister age 50 and my mom is 79. I am currently being treated with Gemzar and Herceptin and still working. The most difficult thing for me other than accepting this disease has been my relationship with my immediate family. Up until December when I found myself in the hospital, I was my mom's primary caretaker, she has diabetes, hypertension, tendonitis in both wrists and for arms and severe arthritis in her arms, legs and back. She is ambulatory, however must use a walker and I finally got her to accept utilizing Assess-A-Ride mostly for transportation since I do not have the strength to travel with her everywhere like I used to. Mom is my greatest support, insists on accompanying me to Chemo and other treatments which I have once a week. I am struggling with guilt for no longer being able to care for her and her depression and anxiety she constantly expresses about my illness. We even get into arguments sometimes at my appointments because she does not really understand my moodiness and anger at times. She interrupts my conversations with my doctor and nurses and while she does not mean any harm, I find it really annoying at times. As for my sister, she is constantly having "meltdowns", crying jaggs and telling me how she doen't want me to die. My children and I are able to talk openly about my illness and express our true feelings and concerns to each other, so that is a definite support. I have suggested that we all go for counseling, but my mom and sister will have no part of it. Anyway, this is the first time I have posted and it feels great to have a place to communicate with others who understand......I really miss singing with my jazz band, I hope to have the strength to resume that soon....music is healing for me.....my best to all.
Sylvie