I posted this under another group - sorry if I messed up.
Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with colon cancer in April 09, have had large tumor removed and colon resection. Two months after surgery (last week) I was diagnosed with clostridium difficile, nearly died, am now on antibiotics. I also have candidiasis. Am waiting for the c.diff to clear so I can start chemo.
I'm 53 with two children 20 and 15. Husband is no support. He's an alcoholic with history of mental illness.
My kids are great, but I have no other support except my best friend who lives a few hours away. I have negative support from husband and elderly mom.
I need to pull myself out of this funk I'm in. I know my husband won't change and I now what reality is. He watched me go through the c.diff (colon infection with 30-40 movements/day, fever, vomiting - like a freight train went through my body). He stopped talking to me during that. My son tried to help me. Finally my daughter got me to my surgeon where I was diagnosed and began antibiotics, which are making me sick, too.
Wow I really sound like a whiner.
I need a positive attitude and can't seem to reach inside myself to get one. I know I'm the only one who can do this. But how? Why do I feel so alone? I want to be stronger.
Thanks for listening.
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need support please
- By nancywoo
- Posted August 22, 2009 at 10:58 am · 4 replies
- In Colon cancer
- Shared with the public
Explore topics in this discussion:
Cancer Candidiasis Surgery ALS Pain Memory Depression Fever Breast cancer
4 replies
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- Newest first
- By LaGata
- Posted August 23, 2009 at 9:55 pm
- Report post
Nancywoo,
I am 62, Stage IV breast cancer to spinal cancer. Instead of telling you a long story, suffice it to say I have no family for support or help except my husband. He doesn't work, just doesn't. I've supported us for almost 20 years but he's good help now except for financially.
I have no religion, haven't had since I was a child, and because I have a skeptical, logical mind, I just can't go there. What I do have is the fact that I have a great medical team that is there with any answers about this disease, a computer with access to everywhere I can get informaiton from and a few cancer sites that have wonderful people I call friends.
It was hard going through the shock of a cancer diagnosis and at that time my husband was NO help. That was in 2005. The cancer returned in 2009 and there is no way I'm going to ask for a prognosis. That is information I don't want.
I'm told I have a fighter's attitude and I'm always smiling. Sometimes it's true that you have to fake it until you make it. Knowing that as Stage IV I may have a very short time to live, but there are many that make it ten, fifteen and twenty years past that. I want to be one of those! Even that does not mean I'll be able to let go of life. I just love living!
Positive attitude? I'm not sure I can help with that but you might want to think of the horrible diseases that you don't have. For me, ALS is the worst. Everytime I start thinking how awful it is to have Stage IV, I quickly cover over that with, "but it's not ALS!". If I get down in the dumps because I have no close friends or relatives, I think to myself that I do have my cats and since they're old now, I have to live to make sure they're taken care of in their old age. The youngest is seven and the oldest is fourteen.
I have my jobs, little things I do that earn a bit of money that I need so badly, and it helps me get out and do something, I meet people that I wouldn't get to meet otherwise. Gives me a chance to make sure the world is still turning on it's axis.
I'm following the health care debate and sending emails and letters and phone calls so that those that have no insurance will hopefully, one day, be able to go to a doctor without worry, like my husband. So, I stay relativelky busy and that helps.
In the darkest of times, there is nothing much that helps and that's when I write to online friends and know there are others in the same place I am, no matter if it's the same form of cancer or not, metastasis or not, we're bound together by a disease that none of us understand completely and everyone was born with a terminal disease called life. The trick is to lengthen the distance between birth and death by far as we can.
I hope my rattling of has given you a few moments of not thinking about your own situation and maybe you can scratch your head and think, "wow, there's a crazy one, for sure". Oh, read, watch and enjoy, even laugh out loud, at every joke, comedy and pratfall. Laughter is such good medicine but don't tell or pretty soon we'll have to wait for a prescription...
My best thoughts to you and may your treatments bring you some well deserved relaxation and freedom from pain.
LaGata aka Laura
- By medium
- Posted August 30, 2009 at 7:43 pm
- Report post
Hi,
I sent you a reply under the heading Life with cancer. As it was quite long perhaps you will read it is that site?
Best of luck
Marie
- By susanlu
- Posted October 22, 2009 at 11:17 pm
- Report post
Hi Nancywoo
trust me you are not a whiner. This is the hardest load of crap that we have had dumped on us. You have every right to be upset.
I have been fighting for almost 6 years now. I started with colon cancer and had surgery for that and then it spread to my lung had surgery for that and now it is back again in my lung.
So often I feel that it is all my fault.
I am just coming out of the worst depression of my life and it all hurts so much.
My focus now is making my last stage of my life the best that it can be for the sake of myself and my two wonderful sons. I will not let cancer destroy their memory of our time together.
perhaps on your good days (or hours) since often that is all we have, you could think about the people that matter the most. Like YOU and those that you love. Even if it is something small. When you can have a laugh or a special moment it can really help.
I was told to watch at least one comedy a day. A laugh is really good for the soul.
Anyway I hope that is some way this helps.
- By bombshell
- Posted November 19, 2009 at 12:10 pm
- Report post
good morning nancywoo,
what is there to say, hang in there take one day
at a time. life seems so unfair sometimes. i have been diagnosed with the same stage of breast cancer, nothing has been said about spinal cancer, other than
the oncologist recommended radiation. i do believe
i have spinal cord compresion, because of some
bowel and rectal issues i have been having. sorry to go on about myself, but sometimes just knowing you are not the only one out there living with this helps with the burden. i also have little support, my daughteris great just an angel, but my husband , does try but just doesnt get it, keeps thinking i should get just be over with this allready like it is the flu . anyway, hang in there, take care.
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