Breast Cancer at 41?

• By Bonnie7
• Posted November 3, 2007 at 10:10 am
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How close is your friend to you? Is she someone that you are going to be staying in touch with or just someone that you know from your past? Do you want to be engaged in this battle she is beginnig or just want to say the appropriate thing to once?

I think these are questions that you need to ask yourself. Dig deep and think long as you decide if you are going to be in this for the long haul, or not. Whatever you decide your level of involvement is or is going to be, I commend you for wanting to reach out to your friend.

If you decide that you cannot emotionally engage her for whatever reason, then any comment you make that lets her know that you are thinking of her and her family at this time would be appropriate. Asking specifics about her cancer just so that you can satisfy your curosity may be more that she is willing to talk about if she knows you are not a going to be a support person.

If you have decided to be a support person for the long haul then by all means contact her and tell her so. Let her know that you are as far away as her telephone any time she wants to talk. Maybe send her a prepaid visa or phone card so that she can afford to call you. Ask her what kind of cancer she has. If she does not know, she needs to know. Tell her you want to look her kind of cancer up online. It is my opinion that every woman needs to know what kind of breast cancer she has. It helped me to know so that I could do reseach on it myself. As I became more informed, I could inform my support people. I could also ask questions of my health care professionals that helped me adjust as time went by. Or, maybe she is just terrified and wants to close her eyes and hope it goes away. Most of us were there at some time or another. Just listen to her fears and try not to feed her fear.

Ask her if she is have surgery. What kind of surgury is she having and how does this affect her daily life. Who is there in her life to support her? Let her tell you about her fears and hopes.

You say she is having Chemotherapy so ask her what kind, how many doses and what she can expect as far as incapacatation are concerned. Does she work outside of the home? If so will she be able to continue in her job? Has she even discussed her cancer with her boss or is she afraid to let them know. Sometimes we have good reason not to let our work know we are really sick. Find out. She will want to tell you what she is afraid of. Good. Let her. Sometimes naming a fear gives it less power over us.

Basically, just read what you can, ask questions, find out everything you can about her cancer so that you can understand what she is talking about and let her know that you are "with her", every step of the way. Hang tough for her and thanks for being there for a Sister.

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• By Anna7
• Posted November 5, 2007 at 12:54 pm
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Thanks Bonnie! I really do want to be in this for the long haul and I'm going to let her know that. She's a wonderful person who's always been there for others. I know she'll find support in her faith and in the friends and family members who live close to her, but she's a good friend and I want to be there for her as well. I appreciate your advice. She doesn't work outside the home, but she devotes a lot of time to her son's needs, and I know she'll be worrying about him as she tries to manage her own health. And I'm sure her husband is petrified as well.

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• By LaGata
• Posted May 22, 2008 at 9:08 pm
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Bonnie7,

What a thoughtful, excellent post. You have made some points that few people would think to ask in a similar situation. Well thought out. Thank you.

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• By MrsKellybug
• Posted May 25, 2008 at 10:11 am
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I think Bonnie 7 said it all. Whatever your level of commitment is, it will help her through. I was amazed at the people who came out of the woodwork who wanted to support me. I was truely humbled. Although it was difficult to reply to everyone, just knowing they were there and on my side, kept me going. It made me stronger knowing I had such a huge support system. I actually started a new company as a result of having cancer. I wanted to do whatever I could to help women get thru this battle. It was such a challenge to find bright and cheerful headwraps, so I decided to make them myself. Maybe finding her something for when she looses her hair or send her something in pink. Pink is my new favorite color now. It reminds me of my battle and my victory. One suggestion...don't send her books about cancer. I just wanted to get lost in a book or magazine about anything EXCEPT cancer. I was bombarded with cancer literature and it was overwhelming. Honestly, the best advice I could give you is follow your heart...it's in the right place.

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• By curlee
• Posted June 24, 2008 at 3:38 am
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she would love, to hear from you and that you care.
cancer can be lonely.
she will how you when it's time to ask questions.

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