DAY 150: working with what you've got

Comments in my journal post from yesterday really got me thinking, and I remembered a time when I was sitting around feeling thoroughly bitter and mentally listing everything I hate about myself. Overly muscular, short man legs. Weird profile. Small teeth. Thin, unsexy lips. Fat EVERYWHERE. Stretch marks. Pudgy fingers. Huge ass. Moles everywhere. Polycystic ovaries. Really wide neck. Genetic history of obesity and heart disease. Serially sprained ankles. Dozens of personality flaws. Blech! Why would anyone want to be seen in public with me?!

Then out of nowhere, a light bulb went on and I thought, "What's the point of this? How is it helping anything?" All of a sudden, I was almost ashamed for having thought these things.

To compensate, I started to try and think of all the things I'm lucky I have, or even things I'm lucky I DON'T have. I like the color of my eyes and hair. I like my feet. My complexion is clear. I don't have MS. I don't have heart disease. I have four intact, working limbs. I don't have diabetes. I don't have a bizarre eye twitch. I don't smell like rotting meat for no apparent reason. I'm not color blind. I'm not tone deaf. My bones are unbreakable. I'm not allergic to peanuts. Wow, the list went on and on (in all its random, non-cohesive glory), and it dawned on me: I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

Why is it so much easier to criticize and hate yourself when (if you're honest with yourself) the pros will ALWAYS outweigh the cons? What is it about being heavy that makes you more likely to cut yourself down and jump straight to the negatives?

Well, I guess when your biggest insecurity is out there for everyone to see, it throws all the rest of them into almost unbearably sharp relief, even if it's only you who notices them.

The good news? Unlike so many of the tragic conditions I discovered myself fortunate to not have been afflicted with, my biggest insecurity is reversible. Instead of letting it own me, I can own it. I can take it and turn it from something grotesque and shameful and mold it into an object of pride and accomplishment. THIS is my project, my opportunity, my way out. This is my ticket to positivity and optimism. Because of all the things NOT holding me back, I can transform myself into the best version of me possible.

Take a good look at yourself -- really think -- and I dare you to tell me the same isn't true for you.