friday we start mediation on our divorce

• By DClawyer
• Reply 3311645
• August 22, 2012 at 10:54 am
• Report post

You should expect that the mediation session will be informal and that the mediator will attempt to facilitate a settlement that is fair to both parties. It's not a process you should be fearful of - the outcome of mediation is not determinative. If I were in a similar situation, and, to use your own words, "scared," "frozen with fear" and feeling "alone," I would seek professional help from a psychologist or psychiatrist. I have done that in the past to get through serious events in my life and it has helped immensely.

• By Jimmy2
• Reply 3312524
• August 22, 2012 at 4:03 pm
• Report post

My divorce was simple, I just gave my wife the home and its contents plus half of all the income from our investments. And than I left the country. Good luck and god bless you. Jimmy

• By foundman
• Reply 3312664
• August 22, 2012 at 4:59 pm
• Report post

Got active, went to the clerk of courts and spoke with a lawyer. I can deal with what is coming.

• By kapm
• Reply 3314593
• August 23, 2012 at 10:27 am
• Report post

Foundman

Good to see you move into action. A very important step. One that you may have to take several times during this whole process.
Very important for you to see and OWN the fact that you can do something about all this. It may not be just what you want, but very few of us get what we want. The old saying "you get what you need"
Keep posting

kapm

• By foundman
• Reply 3320211
• August 25, 2012 at 11:14 am
• Report post

I climb trees for a living, I swing large branches that are tied off over power lines. These things do not freeze me.
Yet standing before a judge to end a 24 year marriage that my prostate cancer didn't help puts the some fear in my heart. Sorry, i'm
human.

• By kapm
• Reply 3320570
• August 25, 2012 at 1:39 pm
• Report post

Foundman,

Don't ever be sorry for being human.
You can't just end and erase 24 years of your life, BUT you can start a NEW chapter. The past is over and done, learn from it or be doomed to repeat it.
You know the song and dance- take what you NEED and leave the rest for someone else.
The past and how you dealt with it is what got you to this place and these events. Stop wasting your time and energy trying to make things better. If the people you hurt come back into your life, you had better be in a new place with a new attitude. You want them to know you have changed, the only way is to prove it is to become the better man you want to be and the better man they need.
We have spoken about this before, it is a hard road to hoe, but wasting your life trying to fix something that is broken isn't the answer.
It hasn't worked for you in the past and it certainly isn't the future you are looking for. More of the same old stuff, gets you more of the same old answers.

Remember a positive for every negative.
You have done this, and are capable of doing more

kapm

• By docherb
• Reply 3323032
• August 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm
• Report post

Foundman,

I found going through divorce after 28 years of marriage more difficult and more nerve-wracking than going through prostate brachytherapy ALONE 6 years later. Even now, 20+ years later, I am still bitter. I blame my ex-wife totally. I did nothing wrong. I don't know what your situation is/was. But the amazing thing is that LIFE DOES GO ON. It's up to you to figure out HOW your life will go on. Yes, you will find some money gone, you will find some possessions gone, you will find some "friends" gone. But life wlll go on, or maybe we should say "life will start over for you" and you will have the unexpected opportunity to reshape your life in whatever form you want. Frightening as all heck, but survivable.

Mediation can work if you and your wife have reasonable expectations and can think in terms of "sharing". Frankly, I couldn't, I wanted justice and revenge. It doesn't work that way. A year later we were before a judge, with lawyers, forensic accountants, etc. It ended pretty much the same!

Do the mediation and TRY to walk away from it.

Herb S.

• By foundman
• Reply 3327638
• August 28, 2012 at 10:09 am
• Report post

To Kapm and Herb. S. Thanks I will get over this I have made alot of changes in my life. I am already a better person but still each day is a day to get even better. I have to watch where I put myself. I find that I get very upset at events around the lake we have lived at for the last 20 years. I should just stay clear and avoid people, places and things that we did as a family.
I seems to draw the hurt out really strong. I have found some new friends and have been working really hard. I have been helped the wife with extra money I know she spent getting my oldest to college. Off to work and honestly I life will get better. I have hope and faith.

foundman

• By kapm
• Reply 3327797
• August 28, 2012 at 11:07 am
• Report post

Foundman,

It's practice not perfection. We learn by doing. If we are smart we only have to try and touch fire once and we find out it burns and hurts. Your anger and pain can be like any addiction. Avoid people, places and things that you did before. It can bring back those
unproductive feelings and pain.
Have you been to the mediation yet? Post what happens, it may be helpful for you to recap. See if you can record session with smart phone. Don't want to "think" you heard one thing when it was really something else. If you can't record check and see if you can get transcript.

keep up posting, I really think it is helping you accept the way you feel

kapm