I am not sure how to word this.I want to know other peoples opinions on something I have went through in my past. Here is the story in brief. : I was 13 years old when ,I was first touched by a man who was 20 . He was my sisters boyfriend. Then it went on the intercourse and various other things sexual. He told me to keep it between he & I because my brothers would beat him up if they found out. These things happened from when i was 13 to 17 on and off not steady. When i turned 17 it came out and I was so relieved I hated him so much and myself for my guilt. The thing i want to know is am i to blame for what happened. My sister still thinks it was both of us to blame ..........please give me feedback and let me know your oppinions. i am now 38 and i still struggle with it to this day. thanks
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incest & rape of a teen
- By tessiehennessy
- Posted September 14, 2007 at 7:46 pm · 10 replies
- In Sexual health
- Shared with the public
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- By jacintoernesto
- Posted September 15, 2007 at 11:05 pm
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Jesus says: "Come to me all who are worked and tired that I will make you to rest". And in the book of Isaiah (Which is in the Bible) the Lord says: "I will throw all your sins behind my back". It means: "I will not remember your sins anymore". It does not matter who has to be blamed. The important thing here is that you are holding a weight that is taken your peace away. When any of us accepts her or his faults (Not one is free of faults and sins) and comes to Jesus, knowing that He is able to restore our lives in front of God, bringing to His feet our lives with all what there is in them, then His blood cleans our sins away filling our being with a peace that only the beloved of God can understand, and then God throws our sins behind His back. Jesus says also: "I will not cast away any one that comes to me".
God bless you...
- By MONREAL1
- Posted September 16, 2007 at 10:25 am
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to me he is to blame he was 20 years old enough to know what was going on and you were 13 and scared to say anything gerald
- By JenTilley06
- Posted September 17, 2007 at 8:29 am
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you were put in a very difficult place, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well... you were told by someone who was mistreating you that he would be mistreated if you came clean with what he was doing. he used a twisted and corrupted point of view to play upon your sympathies... obviously able to tell that you were the type of person who had enough compassion that you would not want to be the cause of another person's pain... take it from a woman who has been through two abusive relationships... that is how these people get away with their actions.
he had you assume the guilt so that he wouldn't have to... so, own your emotions of anger (as long as you can vent them in a healthy way - better for you)... but, don't let one more moment of guilt stay with you... you were a child!!
i hope i have been of some assistance with this... and wish you all of the best in your healing process.
- By lindsey056
- Posted October 8, 2007 at 11:33 am
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Please accept the facts: understand that you were 13. How mature were you at this time? Did you (please let me finish) experience sexual pleasure during the time the 20 yr old boyfriend abused you? What I think causes the most mixed up feelings of guilt and self-hatred is that during the time you were being sexually abused--perhaps your body responded to the act. This is such a natural phenomena henceforth it also causes one to feel extremely liable or to blame yourself for the sexual encounter. Do this exercise to see if it can ameliorate some of the feelings you have: write down the thoughts, feelings, actions, memories of those times. Write down your own feelings about what happened--really let the 20 yr old know how you were unwilling and innocent and didn't want his attentions. When you have finished or feel as though you have nothing to add: keep this journalized bit of thoughts, feelings, etc. Read it to yourself or if you have a close friend or husband or someone you wish to share it with; read it out loud to this person. After you have felt that you have clearly explained how you felt and are feeling now; burn the journal in an old coffee can--make a ceremony of it. The burning of the journal is symbolic of getting rid of the memories. Once it has burned you can flush it down the toilet or bury it outdoors. Once this is accomplished NEVER mention it or remember it or feel about it again. POOF it is old news and move on with the new you. Good luck.
Lindsey056
- By wellspouse
- Posted July 1, 2008 at 3:28 pm
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This sounds like the man who abused you violated a statute on sex with a minor. I don't know which state you were in, but it doesn't matter, I would think all have that kind of legislation. It probably will not work, for you to try and bury the experiences in your mind, or literally by writing them down on a piece of paper and burning the paper. Believe me, you will not forget about it so easily. It might be best to discuss this with a rape counselor, to talk about what happened, then eventually to decide what kind of action, legal and otherwise, can be taken to heal your wounds.
- By davidjm
- Posted July 2, 2008 at 9:42 pm
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Okay, I am not going to proselytize. To be clinical about this, this was not incest; you were seduced by the trusted LONG-TERM boyfriend of your sister. At 13, this is a rape, both by fact and by law, but certainly was not incest. First and most importantly, this was NOT your fault; this young adult was given "access" to you at 13, and there was sufficient trust that it was not noticed for a substantial period of time. Your sister, in attempting to have you share some of the blame, is perhaps trying to relieve her own guilt, since it was her boyfriend who took advantage of you. However, her boyfriend also cheated on her, which either means she has poor judgment with regard to men (quite possibly) or she has low self esteem and wants to believe that a 13-year-old girl stole her boyfriend). You do not say how old your sister was: 14? 20? This pervert got to have sex with both a young lady and her little sister, and the sad part is that your sister puts part of the blame on you. Get some counseling, it is high time that you find out why you even have to ask if you were to blame for this.
- By ohmyno
- Posted March 5, 2009 at 2:50 am
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I found this by searching for something else but as someone who was very close to the same situation many years ago ..I can tell you with no doubts YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME !! I watched my mother blame her sister for years but it was her own guilt for not protecting her 12 yr old sister that caused the blame .Years later I went to live with my father and when I returned my aunt pulled me to the side to ask if my father had touched me ..No, he did not but he does have a thing for very young pubescent girls ..My aunt was young naive and equated love with what he taught her to do ..Please no longer blame yourself and do not let your sister either ..Though my aunts children are now grown ..that one incident caused so many wrong choices in my aunts life that shaped the lives in no good way for her children , and so many others ....
- By Amyrosenberg
- Posted March 5, 2009 at 7:47 am
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This sort of thing happens to so many young girls and is so destructive of their future lives. My father protected us as well as he could. Many times in the past fathers could not protect their children. Slavery, servents, and young girls and boys alone in this world are always vulnerable to abuse and this was abuse. You would feel pleasure from the touch as it is a physical thing, such as if you would masterbate yourself. This does not mean you are guilty. It means you are physically normal.
You need to grow up too be a person who can understand and help other young people. Go to the women's shelter and talk to a counceller.
- By barbaray
- Posted March 5, 2009 at 9:47 am
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You are a survivor of Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD) among other things.
You need to find help so the rest of your life will not be poisoned by the criminal assault you suffered. Because of your age, it does not matter whether you consented or not--
As to your sister, I think she needs therapy herself to work on the guilt she has accumulated as a result of the boyfriends' abuse of you. Do not let your sister influence you concerning what happened or what your feelings are or should be. They are not her concern.
Run, do not walk, to a therapist's office. And yes, it is possible to find expert therapists who charge nothing, or next to nothing. (If there is an organized women's group in your area, they might know of such a person.) Keep looking and you will find. . .
Healing from sexual abuse is a long process. It requires a therapist you totally respect. If there isn't a "good fit" you need to find another therapist.
You will not recover from a few prayer sessions or burning papers in a coffee can. It is hard work, and takes a long time, but without therapy, you may suffer the serious aftereffects of the abuse for the rest of your life.
From One Who Knows
- By alinfun
- Posted March 5, 2009 at 2:32 pm
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As a young adolescence you were mentally coerced from your exploration into life and conformed to conduct the reproduction act, to which you approved at the time of adolescence; till adulthood made you understand guilt; wrong from right..And now you are reaching for the who's to blame syndrome, which there are none.....You had experience an act of nature. though taken advantage of
it was an act of nature that you should leave to rest
and think at this stage of life positively.. other wise you will as you have lived in turmoil..finding peace of an act that does not place you as the fault..
There is beauty in nature ways..it is the mentalities of humans thats confusing. always compensating for the cause of rightousness. Perhaps it's religion who's to blame. "let it go" and you will not only see the brightness of the sun but at last you will feel it's wramth.
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