It's been Six months since my last visit with my Endo...when he told me that there were no more traces of cancer in my body (good stuff)! The weird thing is that I haven't had an ultrsound OR bloodwork in almost SIX months and I know something is wrong. A lot has happened in the past six months and I'm not sure if it's because my blood levels are "off" or if I'm just naturally becoming a depressed and somewhat angry person!
In the past six months I've been promoted to an extremely stressful position at a new place of employment, my son has become a beautifully energetic toddler (at times hard to keep up with), my dog who has been my best friend through EVERYTHING suddenly & unexpedtedly passed away (on Thanksgiving day), I've become sluggish and on the 1 day off that I have a week all I want to do is sleep. Sleep has become my favorite thing to do (pathetic...I know). The bills from Moffit Cancer Center are relentless...they just keep coming and coming, and to top it ALL off the money I have saved to "get away" for the first vacation I've had in years all has to go toward a new A/C system for my house (which is a MUST in FL). I've become a depressed and angry person....I wouldn't even want to be friends with me!
I've started to forget things and when my husband "calls me out" on it I am furious with him. My independence meant everything to me and now I feel like it's slowly being taken away by the constant reminders of my faults. I bought a Glorious looking Chocolate Brownie for my husband yesterday while out grocery shopping and this morning I forgot that I had purchased it...I think that would be pretty "normal" thing being that I probably purchased over 200 items BUT he seems to think it's from my "dissability" (whatever that means). Once again, I am furious.
I have a feeling that my meds are not correct and that I am slightly HYPO. The depression, forgetfullness, sluggishness...it's all too familiar. Does it EVER go away and will I EVER be "ME" again??! Furthermore are there any doctors out there in the greater Tampa/Sarasota area that actually have the time to give a SHIT?! It seems to me as though they are ALL too busy to return a phone call, let alone get me in for an appointment....