The ugly truth...

I've been m.i.a. for a while. I started off great...5 meals a day, working out consistently and then I hit a stupid down-swing with my mood...gotta love bipolar disorder. But, I have to admit, not taking my meds had a lot to do with it. I still struggle with being labeled as "disabled", still fighting it. It's just hard to accept.

I fell off my eating plan so bad that one day I had Cheetos cheese puffs when I woke up instead of real food, I went on an ice cream binge, but I must inject that it paled in comparison to what I've done in past ice cream binges, and I had days when I barely ate anything at all. Thankfully I didn't put on any extra weight as a result, but I felt like mega crap physically, so I still paid. I'm actually lactose intolerant, so eating a lot of ice cream makes me feel physically ill and it's not something that lasts a day and goes away. The effects hang on for up to a week. I've still been going in to work with my trainer. I just haven't been going in on my own between sessions.

I'm sort of getting my second wind, so I'm resuming my efforts at 5 meals a day (I just have to think of it as 5 snacks instead, the thought of that many "meals" is still overwhelming to me).

I still refuse to check the scale religiously because this is so much more about changing habits and being consistent, and I've got the additional burden of BPD working against me...oh how I miss the days before all that stress brought me to this point, but hey! It is what it is and I have no other choice but to keep moving forward, especially since I've made the decision to try to manage my mental health with diet and exercise instead popping pills twice a day. But I think I'm going to have to go back on the meds, at least until I've made and stuck with the changes I need to make to be able to gradually come off them for good. I hate it, but I guess I have to face reality.

Until next time...
Peace ^,^
*V*