I think the thing I miss most about my life before this is being able to do things and really enjoy them. Life now is complicated. I used to be able to get out of bed, throw clothes on and leave my house with in minutes. I now no longer enjoy that luxury. I spent 20 minutes today getting my flannel to button. My 4 year old niece ended up helping me. It was sweet of her but at the same time I felt defeated. I could indeed where clothes that just slide and pull on. I find that more defeating, what I wear is one of the few things I have a choice about. I like flannels and I refuse to give them up.
Sleeping is becoming a real issue. I either lay in bed for hours starring at my wall or wake often. The pain causes some pretty weird nightmares, I think this is my minds way of trying to explain the pain while I am sleeping. I wonder if other people have similar weird pain dreams.
I had put a lot of hope in seeing my RA today, but due to a mess up with timing they couldn't see me and now I have to wait 20 more days. It is hard using today as a goal to get too only to have to wait longer.
My g.f talked me into using aspercream last night - it was ok except it really felt like it was burning the P patches. It was quite painful, I think after it wore off my skin was numb or in shock. I wont be doing that again anytime soon.
20 more days to go. So begins my new count down.