Join now

Already a member? Sign in

Welcome to Inspire!

What - Inspire is a place where you can connect with people who share your health concerns and find information and advice in groups sponsored by organizations you know and trust.

Why - As a member you can use Inspire to let friends and family know how you're doing, contact others who share your health concerns, receive personalized updates and information about participating in surveys and clinical trials, and more.

How - Joining Inspire is completely free and usually takes less than a minute. Join now!

corner corner corner

SCA and Depression

Darrel
  • By Darrel
  • Posted November 30, 2008 at 7:41 pm · 16 replies
  • In Surviving SCA
  • Shared with the public
0 Recommendations

I had SCA about a year and a half ago. I am starting to struggle with depression, I am not sure why. Since my SCA, i have had to find way to deal with it. I am doing Ok, I am getting back into the swing of things, but I have noticed my change in my out look and attitude. One way I dealt with my SCA was with food. I found myself being comforted through eating. I have put on 40 pounds (I know, not good for my heart) and have just not been as happy lately. even my wife has commented about it. I am not suicidal at all, please understand that first and foremost, I just struggle with the fear of dying and/or going through SCA again. I am interested to hear from others that feel the same way or have gone through the same emotional issues.

Explore topics in this discussion:

Exercise Anxiety Counseling Pain Pacemaker Depression Lexapro Stress

16 replies

Mary1

Hello Darrel,
I'm glad you found this site as a way to seek support. I had my first SCA in July 2006 and my 2nd one in December 2007.
I can relate to what you are feeling. It seems like enough time has passed that we should be able to put the "experience" behind us, yet for me it is literally in my thoughts daily. I did go to counseling after my 1st SCA, though. I was already being treated for anxiety related depression and going through the whole experience did not help at all. I had reached the point that I no longer needed therapy, but then I went back to help put things in perspective. It helped SO much!! It's hard to put it into words exactly, but my therapist helped me to find the "place" in my life for my SCA. The idea was not to forget it, or minimize it, but just to go on with the other parts of my life. Talking to her helped me so much! Maybe you would consider speaking with a professional?
Reaching out on the site is also very helpful. There are times when I feel like I can help people, and then there are other times when I feel like I need help from them. It's a great balance!
I assume you were implanted with an ICD after your SCA? I was very fearful of another SCA, but when it happened, the whole incident lasted only a few minutes! I felt dizzy and somewhat weak for a couple of months after (maybe from the increase in meds, but I don't know for sure), but it actually helped a little to have gotten past the "I wonder what it would be like to have another one..."
I hope this makes some sense to you and that it helps at least a little.
Keep in touch so we know how you are doing.
Mary

Darrel

thank you for the response, i do appreciate it. I was implanted with an ICD and a Pacemaker. I have adjusted to living with the ICD and it has actually become a part of me. I guess what I struggle with is actually dying. I have a 4 year old daughter that means the world to me and I am afraid of leaving her. I know its out of my control and no one knows when we will actually go but I think death has become a HUGE reality to me and struggle facing it daily. the sad thing is I have found comfort in food. I need to get away from that crutch but its helping me for now. I just cant seem to be myself. I believe SCD has changed the person I am.

Mary1

Hi Darrel,
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to think about leaving your 4 year old. I have 3 daughters, two of whom are grown up (20 and 22) and I still worry about "leaving" them. When I had the first SCA, my youngest daughter was only 15 and suffering from depression. She was doing OK, but after my SCA she got much worse. She used to talk to me and she was afraid of upsetting me, so she kept things in. She ended up in the hospital with suicidal thoughts, and for cutting. Luckily she is doing MUCH better now (she's 17), but I often wonder what would have happened to her if I hadn't survived. We are very close now, and she talks to me about her problems again. :-)
When you talk about death becoming a reality to you, I actually became intrigued by it for a little while after the SCA. I remember several incidents when I thought about doing something that would cause my death, but not from depression. It was just intrigue. Luckily I was going to my therapist and she helped me sort it out. I clearly remember sitting near train tracks by my house. When I heard the train coming, I imagined what it would be like to go stand on the tracks and watch the train come and hit me. I remember feeling like I really wanted to try it. Of course I didn't do anything, but the strong desire comepletely FREAKED ME OUT!!!
Wow! I haven't thought about this stuff in awhile.
I'm sure none of this helps you much, but I guess the idea is that it is easy to get sucked into thinking about things you don't want to. I think I asked you this before, but have you considered talking to a therapist, just for the short term? I can't tell you how much it helped me. I think it could help with the comfort food thing.
I still think about the SCA daily, but I have been able to put it into perspective and enjoy the life I am living right now. I have that wish for you. Your 4 year old needs you! :-)

jeffreylinda

I also understand your sense of the reality of death. My SCA was in March 2007. My girls were 6 yrs old and 8 yrs old at the time. What makes me cry the most is the fact my family would not be whole anymore. My daughters would have been without their mom. What I try to focus on is the precious time we have together. As you said no one knows the time of their death but we are lucky to get another chance or more time. I have found comfort in walk espically outside. Sometimes I feel so lucky and there are those times that I'm sad (when I think of what could have happened). I just try to think about the good times. Look at your daughter's beautiful face & you will feel good!!
linda

funrunr

Hi Darrel, I certainly know what you are feeling, but from the perspective of the spouse. I witnessed my husband's SCA as did our 2 children. I know that it was traumatic for all of us. I have been to a counselor, as have both of our kids. My husband said he didn't need to go since he didn't remember any of it happening. Turns out that the uncertainty of everything since then and all of his health issues since the SCA has been a big factor of depression for him. He is on Cymbalta now and seems to be doing somewhat better, but it is a battle. We all feel the fear of losing him...We know how frightening it is to think of our family without him. We try daily to show our love for each other & appreciate the gift of another day. Your depression is certainly understandable, but there is help out there. We are all here for you!

Nutbeem

Wow, I cant believe how many stories on here are so similar to mine.

Tomorrow is my one year SCD anniversary (wheee) - and I'm not real sure how I feel about it. I definitely went through a bout of depression a few months ago, but gradually worked out of it.

It kind of comes and goes. Some days I'm calm, stress free, and happy to be alive. On those days, we're planning for the future, talking about what we want to do when we retire in 30 years, that kind of stuff.

Other times, I don't sleep well. I don't want to work, I just want to veg out in front of the TV, or read a book - anything to distract me.

I have to believe it gets better. I just tell myself that there's no reason I can't die at 90 of natural causes, and that I'm here for a reason. Then I spend hours on ebay looking at cars.

All that to say that it's not unusual - I think all SCD survivors deal with depression at some point, but we keep on going and it gets better.

mery

Hi and welcome Darrel,

My name is Marianne, and I turned 50 this year! Woo Hoo! My SCA was January 7, 2004. So as you can tell, my 5th anniversary is coming up pretty quick. I say I have only had one SCA, but over the course of several hours I had MANY while in the hospital. The first one happened at work, and that's the occasion I call my SCA. :-)

I have two grown(?) children, ages 20 and 23. Even though I know they would get along fine if I were not here, I'm hoping you understand what I mean, I am certainly not ready to leave them yet. My son has recently moved in with a woman with a 3 year old daughter, and she's fast becoming the apple of this step-gramma's eye. :-) I have a lot left to offer, and TONS of love left to give.

Realizing one's own mortality is never an easy thing to live with. I know as I've been facing it for nearly 5 years. I only wish I had some words of wisdom...

Just know that the ICD is there for a purpose, and it WILL do it's job. Know that you have many, many more years with your family. To love and laugh with your wife, to watch your daughter grow from a sweet baby into a beautiful young woman. I can't tell you that the anxiety goes away, shoot, I'm still being treated for it. But there are times when it seems to totally recede into the background.

Live! Love! Laugh! :-)

edwilson

you get over it. just live in the "now" you can't control everything..maybe we can't control anything. just like the song says "just be happy" good luck

Darrel

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for all their kind and positive words they have shared. I do appreciate everything. I know this is a long road, and the journey to recovery has many bumps, and turns. some days are better than others, I would like a few more of the good ones. I never dealt with my SCA which happened 7-21-07 but I am having to deal with it now. Again, thank you for all your support!

Maridee

Your SCA happened 4 months after my husband's and I thought it was interesting that you are just now really reaching out and now starting to deal with it. My husband hasn't reached that stage yet. I know that he suffers depression and has medication to take but won't take it because he "takes so many others I don't want one more". Maybe my spouse will start dealing with it this year. But as for you, hang in there and know that you are not alone in your feelings or your struggles. If I have learned anything it is there is a whole lot of survivors who share the same struggles and challenges. Happy 2009!
Maridee

Bus

Hi Darrel,
You may be on the forth stage of five basic stages of grief. According to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross best known book, "On Death and Dying". 1 Denial, 2 Anger, 3 Bargaining, 4 Depression, 5 Acceptance (and Hope).

I found that taking B-12, 5000 mg "Shot-O-B12" supplement mfg. by Nature's Plus helps me feel better for 3-4 days. (Available @ health food store.)

I exercise 30 minutes a day. (Gets my metabolism going to burn calories and feel better.) ((I do something that's fun.))

Diet: of no sugar, low fat, low salt and no alcohol.

A Dr. told me for every pound I was over weight that the my heart had to pump through an extra 3 miles of veins and arteries. (Wow we must be mostly veins & arteries.)

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. (I am alive & not in pain.)

Good luck, Bus Awakening Heart

paulc

Hi Darrel:
Hang in there as these feelings eventually diminish and become less of a factor. I had my SCA in Novemeber of 2006 and it took almost two full years to feel "normal" again. Don't be afraid of discussing this with a doctor and/or counselor. There are different medications that might be able to help you with the depression. Start exercising and I think you'll see a big difference!!

Good-Luck!!

Paul C

Amindya

HI Darrel,

I really can understand you feelings and i think its quite natural.

When I get my first SCA in September 2008 my small baby was just 3 1/2 months. eldest was 3 yrs. Can you imagine how i felt??? I was totally unconscious for 5-10 minutes and when i came back i was paralyzed.... i could not move my body.. but i could hear and talk.. I remember i cried..telling that I cannot leave my children.. since they are too small...

Actually that time i died.. and born again. I was so healthy and even the doctors done all sort of test such as sugar, cholesterol, EEG, ECG, MRI, CT Scan, Echo, EP... all were normal.. from halter monitor they found that i have Tachycardia. Then my ICD was implanted in December 2008 after i got 2nd CSA and had a head injury with 8 stitches...

My doctor forced me... actually i was confused whether i have to have the ICD or not... any way its like by force i got it.... That time I was thinking the doc. was wrong... its just fainting attacks due to some other reasons...

But when i got 1st ICD shock last week i realized that i am wrong... Now I have a problem in my heart.. i have to live with that... I am just 39 years... my kids are small... but what to do... of course i am scared of death.. because of my loved once... i want to see that they are getting married.. both are girls.. i cannot leave them... I pray all the time...asking god to let me live until they get married....

This is the life... i always thinking if this happen to such a healthy person like me.. since i was a good athlete when i was young... That is god's wish....

At last i want to tell.. that all of us are depressed.. due to this condition.. dont think its only you...

but....

THIS IS THE LIFE...

AlexlikeElvis

Depression's pretty normal from what I can tell from others who go through it and my own experience. After about a year I got on some pills for same, Lexapro or something like that, and have never felt better.

AlexlikeElvis

Depression's pretty normal from what I can tell from others who go through it and my own experience. After about a year I got on some pills for same, Lexapro or something like that, and have never felt better.

hanginginthere

My husband had an SCA in June, 2008. We have been told since that depression is very common. In fact, the dr. said that for men in their 40's - almost every one suffers depression afterwards. Some drs prescribe the antidepressant when the patient is released from the hospital. It is just part of the regimen. I think that is a great idea. We have also heard consistently that it takes 2- 2.5 years to get through this stage. At that point life will start to feel more normal. I hope that is true because we are looking forward to that time. I firmly believe in the benefits of the antidepressants. They don't need to be there for the rest of your life but they do help you get over the bubble. If you feel you are struggling - talk to your dr. Why not live the best you can - you got the opportunity!

Add to the discussion

Don't have an Inspire account? Join now!

Forgot password?

Group leaders

You