My husband experienced a sudden cardiac arrest on May 2. He was saved by people who administered CPR to him immediately and the paramedics who shocked him. After spending a month in the hospital he is now home. He also had an ICD implanted. We had a cardiologist appointment yesterday and he is doing great. At first I was in shock that this could happen! How could my healthy husband have heart problems? I felt like my heart was breaking. Now he is home I am scared to have him do anything for fear of losing him. I still poke him at night to make sure that he is alive. He has been my best friend and lover for over 41 years and the thought of losing him is unbearable for me. I am a clinical social worker so I find it very odd to be having these thoughts. I am not used to being on this side of the fence! The first time he gets back on his bike I know I will be terrified. I would like to get some feedback from other family members and how they have handled this.
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Life with a survivor
- By wdiane
- Posted June 26, 2009 at 12:27 pm · 35 replies
- In Tips for caregivers
- Shared with the public
Explore topics in this discussion:
Cancer Surgery Sudden cardiac arrest Stroke Anxiety Heart attack Memory Insomnia Depression Stress
35 replies
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- By maureengraz
- Posted June 26, 2009 at 1:33 pm
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Hello! I too have fears of Vince doing too much and having a "relapse". But, then I stop and think about how his angels came to his aid that day. He survived despite all the odds, and that reminds me that it wasn't his time to go. We have many more years together, to raise our 2 daughters, and Enjoy life to the fullest!
Even with those positive thoughts, it's still normal to have the fear creep in once in a while.
- By Mary1
- Posted June 27, 2009 at 10:23 am
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What you are experiencing is very normal. My husband was my hero when I had my SCA. But it took him a very long time to be able to leave me alone, or to not jump every time I made a move (like looking down!) that reminded him of what it looked like when the SCA occurred.
It will get easier. May 2 was not very long ago!
Mary
- By janee
- Posted June 27, 2009 at 1:16 pm
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Welcome to the community. We are all sorry to hear of someone else going through this journey.
What you are experiencing is quite normal. I probably went through it for about a year. I went to a psychiatrist who specialized in anxiety and PTSD. I am an RN and thought I was handling things fine, until my kids talked to me, and I became sleep deprived. As a counselor, you know that there is no shame for needing someone to talk to about what happened. It helped me to repeat the story until I was sick of telling it. I had never known anyone who was a cardiac arrest survivor until my husband. If you did not feel the way you do, I believe that you would not be normal!! Go talk to a professional and perhaps get a sleeping or anti-anxiety aide for awhile!!
Janee
- By wdiane
- Posted June 28, 2009 at 9:40 am
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Thanks for your support! Steve has now been given the okay by his doctor to do what he feels like doing. And I am scared to death! I know him and he is such an over achiever! I am so afraid that he will overdo. I know that I have to have faith and know that he will do fine. Today I am going to take him out and see how he drives. That should be fun! At least I am not so afraid about him being at home alone anymore. I guess I will get better as time goes on. I cannot help but feel that our lives have changed and I can only hope that it is for the better.
- By GirlfromNapa
- Posted June 28, 2009 at 11:15 am
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I am only 42 and a survivor of multiple cardiac arrest, all on one bad weekend last Sept. My father was in the hospital room and witnessed the last one, prior to my PM/ICD implant. The hardest part of the last 9 months has been watching him overcome his fear for me, along with that of other family members and friends. I have enough fear of my own, but when the doctors told me I was free to return to my normal activities, I often found myself NOT doing things I felt capable of because it makes others feel uneasy (ok, scared!). This is crippling. Please be his biggest fan.
Everything at first for me was exhausting. Looking back, this was mostly because of the roller coaster of intense emotions that accompanied each step, not the physicaly activity. Those were realitively easy as I progressed up the staircase of returning to 'normal'. Moving from vicitm through survivor back to LIVING is 90 % mental. Please read and then read some more the postings on this great website for your inspiration. Your loving support with inspire him, and the device in his chest will protect him.
- By Debra71508
- Posted June 28, 2009 at 12:21 pm
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Be patient with yourself and as forgiving of your anxiety as you are grateful that he's with you. And do get an anti-anxiety medication at least for a while. And come here for support and do share your fears with loved ones.
After just 10 years of the best love of my life, my 53 year old husband suffered TWO "out of the blue" SCA just 5 months apart. I was there for each of them. After the 7/15/08 SCA I was a pure wreck: anxious, tearful, morbid... I made him sit in the bathroom with me when I showered so I could know he was ok. I had daily panic attacks. I'd never wept so much in my life.
It's almost a year now and although those were some hard months I am "almost" back to normal. Every time my thoughts return to the SCAs and my fears I remind myself to be grateful & I try to focus on how lucky we are to have today.
Time heals.
- By Bogey
- Posted June 29, 2009 at 2:02 pm
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Hi wdiane,
I suffered scd in oct. 06 and my wife (ex now) was going through the same things you are. I'm on the other side of the fence of what you are. He has an icd now that will help him if it happens again. Please let him do the things he wants to do, that will give him peace in his mind that things are getting better and he will be more happy for it. We don't know when it will happen so let him be happy in his life. Right now I'm doing the things I did before my scd and very seldom think I'm going to have another one. Just please let him do the things he wants to do and I know that you both will be happy.
- By alive-n-well
- Posted July 1, 2009 at 6:19 pm
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Hi,
You will never know how great it feels to read about and talk to other people in my state of life! I had my SCA in a local bar where my husband and I had gone to listen to live music. I don't remember much about the actual incident. I got up to dance and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in the ICU! Family, friends and bystanders have given me bits and pieces of what happened. I had no pulse and no heartbeat for a total of 4 minutes. I luckily received CPR from someone on the scene and was very lucky too, she saved my life!!! I was given CPR until EMT's arrived and they shocked me twice. I now have an ICD implanted. Does anyone out there know if losing upper body strength is normal? Also, certain parts of my memories are hard to recall and some gone altogether?!
- By wdiane
- Posted July 4, 2009 at 1:51 pm
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Hi! To all and Happy 4th of July!
I am taking your advice and letting go! Steve is now driving some and doing almost everything he did before-except not as much. Not been on the bike yet but I know that day is coming. I am still having nightmares and panic attacks but not so many. All of the home services have been stopped due to him not needing them anymore-good news! I guess I will always worry about him. Today I am so grateful to have him alive and with me! Hope all of you are having a great day!
- By wdiane
- Posted July 9, 2009 at 11:54 am
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Thank you so much for all of the help that you are being to me. He did a short biker ride yesterday! He did it while I was at work, which I was unhappy about but he thought I would say no. He did fine and you know I would have tried to talk him out of it. I really need to be more grateful that he is doing so well after only two months! Letting go is hard work! He is slowly and surely getting his upper body strenght back and his should blade is almost all healed. His memory is still iffy at times but he is doing so much better.
- By Andrew1
- Posted July 10, 2009 at 10:57 am
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I had my SCA on March 9,2008 and my next door neighbor saved my life by giving me CPR until the EMT's arrived. Sometimes its hard for me to understand why my wife of 26 years keeps telling me not to over do and to rest. But, I was not the one being told by the doctors I was not going to live and to get the family together. I have always been a very active person and I want to remain so. Please understand that we want life the way is was, but we also need to understand the spouses side. Our spouses had the worst part of the whole ordeal.
- By wdiane
- Posted July 25, 2009 at 11:19 am
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Hi, all, it has been awhile! I have been overwhelmed at work! Life goes on.... Steve continues to do well and we are approaching the three month "rebirth" date. I am so glad that he has done so well. But he does exasperate me! He thinks he is Superman and continues to push the limits and scare me to death. I am also beginning to notice the many ways that he has changed since his arrest: he is cold all the time and he has become very withdrawn and quiet. Not at all the person he used to be! I thought yesterday that I wish I had a video of what happened to him to show him so that he would understand the seriouness of this and would understand why I am the way I am. But I continue to be so glad that he is here with me-no matter.
Diane
- By wdiane
- Posted August 6, 2009 at 11:29 am
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It's been awile since I last talked to you all. Work has been crazy and now I am on vacation-really a staycation. It is so good to have some time with Steve here at home. He is doing so well-even the Dr's say that it is a miracle that he is doing so well. We went to the Indy Zoo yesterday. I was a little apphrensive because we hadn't been so far (49 miles) from home since his arrest. At first I was watching him like a hawk and asking him if he was okay every few minutes but then I calmed down and relaxed and we had a good time. We do love zoos!
I am also excited about starting the Hoosier State Chapter of the SCA. I want our emphasis to be getting AED's placed in the community. I want to start with the police cars. I will have to wait and see where people want to put their emphasis.
Stay in touch!
- By Laura802
- Posted August 15, 2009 at 2:22 pm
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"Our spouses had the worst part of the whole ordeal." Thank you for acknowledging that. My very fit, healthy 50-yr-old husband had a SCA January 30 and while I am beyond thankful for all the medical care that enabled him to return to us, it has been difficult for me, the only one who was there and the one who was traumatized. He does not remember it and, while he lives with an ICD, he is healthy and well. Emotional trauma is more of a challenge. The fact others didn't even ask me how I am doing, only how HE is doing, eventually made me angry. Can't people put themselves in another's place and try to imagine what it was like? I had to tell my husband how horrifying it was, though I never told him all the ugly details, and why I always worry when I don't hear him making any noise for a few minutes... I know he doesn't like me to be anxious but it's NOT a conscious thing on our part. We experienced something we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy. How can that easily be forgotten? It's helpful to hear [read] this support. Thanks!
- By Maridee
- Posted August 16, 2009 at 5:17 am
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Laura,
It has been awhile since I have posted anything about this subject but your letter is ditto to my experience. I started seeing a Post Traumatic Stress counselor to get through my feelings because "they weren't there--we were". But everything you mentioned I too have experienced. I told my counselor that I wanted to scream to the world "what about me! I am the one you should be concerned about. I am the one that was there all alone with him. I am the one who saw his lifeless body with all of its accompanying death sounds!" But time does help me heal myself. We are at 2 1/2 years now and now I only awaken him about once a week to see if he is still breathing!
We will get through this too.
Maridee
- By haveaheart
- Posted September 7, 2009 at 8:53 am
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Laura and Maridee,
Beware of worrying. Here's my story.
It's been almost 2 years since my husband's SCA. After his SCA, he had two incidents of "passing out." All three incidents were 911 calls, with me administering CPR. I can honestly say I have never been so scared in my life. I was trembling so hard I could barely dial 911. My ex-husband's response? "Next time, don't call 911."
I, too, would lay next to him at night and wake up several times to make sure he was breathing. If I was doing something in the other room, and didn't hear him for a minute, I would call out and ask if he was okay. He got irritated...I guess it didn't make him feel macho or sexy - and that I was being like a mother. Still, when I hear an ambulance siren, I hope it is not coming for him.
After the SCA, he had a drastic personality change - he just wanted to have fun. It is like he reverted back to his 20s (he is 60) - he got into the bar scene, bought a convertible, got a tattoo and asked me if I had ever seen a 60-year-old man that looked as good as him.
While I was worrying, he left me - first, emotionally, and then physically.
Our 20-year relationship completely deteriorated and we got divorced. The funny thing is I got divorced from someone I didn't even know.
- By Maridee
- Posted September 7, 2009 at 11:24 am
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Haveaheart,
Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. When you spoke of the personality change it was almost ditto for me except he hasn't done the bar scene, bought a convertible or gotten a tattoo. He does act like a teenager in his driving skills and I constantly have to remind him that he is doing just that!
I am sorry that your marriage didn't survive the SCA but you are correct in saying that you got divorced from someone you didn't know. I have told friends that I am now married to a new man---and I need to get used to it!
Best of luck to you. There are many raw, emotional feelings on this topic and only those of us who are living through it can honestly say, "I know exactly what you feel and what you are going through."
Maridee
- By wdiane
- Posted September 8, 2009 at 11:28 am
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I hope this finds everyone doing well. Steve is having some problems with getting his breath and his stamina and also his blood pressure is very erratic. So we are going Monday to have a stress echo and a tilt table test done. Steve is sure that these tests will provide the answer but I am a little concerned about them. At least he will be at the hospital if anything goes wrong! I trust the Dr. but I guess it is once again giving up control. The Dr said that it might be his ICD and the setting it is on. Things are going well with getting the Hoosier State chapter up and running. I am having a meeting with the dept. heads at the hospital next week. They have jumpted in with both feet. Also Steve will up on a billboard in October! He actually looks good. There is a print campaign going on at the same time which features him as well as the website. Once it is up I will send you a link.
Diane
- By janee
- Posted September 8, 2009 at 2:34 pm
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Sorry wdiane. I don't want a picture of my husband on a billboard encouraging cpr or people carrying aeds of any kind in the field.
Living with a husband who is no longer "my husband" due to personality changes from his SCD is not my idea of having fun. Maybe you should wait a year before you continue your project. My first year after my husband's SCD was spent from appt to appt to help him get better, my second year was spent trying to get myself straightened out from PTSD and learning to sleep without sleeping aids, my third year was spent debating whether I could spend the rest of my life with this man who is "no longer my husband" but a very young teenager and the very ego-centric part that goes along with that age group. We are in our 5th year now and I am just plain tired.
We all need to consider when natural death does come, is our health care taking it too far!
And for those of you who are at the other end and are survivors, my apologies please. It is just that my life has changed so dramatically having this young teenager and keeping him out of trouble that I am exhausted, as are many other survivors' spouses. I also would love to have someone validate my feelings and struggles--there are no aeds for us. Janee
- By wdiane
- Posted September 8, 2009 at 2:47 pm
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Janee,
I completly understand where you are coming from. I want you to feel validated. Thank goodness we are not all the same! I have found my passion in life by woriking with the SCAA and trying to make it possible for others to not have to go through what i did or what Steve did. Fortunately, for me I still have the same man-give or take some forgetfulness and other minor issues. Please beleive me that I can understand how you must be so tired of all of this. I would be too if I was in your shoes. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this. I know it is hard to find someone who can relate to all you have been through. Just because this is the right way for me does not make it right for anyone else.
LOve and prayers
Diane
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