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I have an icd but it doesn't stop me from being
scared. I also have congestive heart failure. My
cardiologist told me that it depended on my outlook
on life as to how long I would live. Does anyone
else out there have this problem? I would really
like to know.
bingo
Bingo:
I don't want to sound like a jerk but the truth is, you are certainly going to die - we are all going to die. This was true from the moment we were born. Your "outlook on life" might help or it might hurt but it certainly will not determine your fate, for the most part.
Even without an ICD, I am scared of dying, scared of getting sick, afraid of being alone. But that's the deal with being alive. What matters is not how long we live but how well we live and THAT is pretty much up to you.
Try not to give in to fear or negative thoughts. Simply own them, see them for what they are, and set them aside so that you can focus on what you can control: how much time you spend with loved ones or how much attention you give to your garden while you are here.
You (and we) made it this far. Count all of your blessings everyday. I am not joking about that. Think about how you have legs that work and a fine mind. Think about how you grew up in a country where you got enough to eat and were taught to read and write. Every day you should look for those little moments when the light comes in through the morning mist, when a favorite song appears on your radio, when a late rose blooms. Savor what you do have and try not to fear.
At the same time I will tell you that a decent anti-depressent isn't a bad idea as a transitional assist. I've had one hell of a year (my husband went down with SCA TWICE and both times I was there to CPR his ass back into this world & now he does have an ICD and there is not a day I am not grateful for all those gifts). I've had to struggle with fear and dark thoughts. It's not easy but poetry can help, too.
Poetry and prozac! And keep reaching out and thinking of others.
I hope this helps...
Debra
Dear Bingo,
Debra gave you some very good advice.
I too have a unit implanted in my chest it is a Biventricular unit (Pacemaker/ICD). Not only was I diagnosed with profound cardiomyopathy 2 years ago, but I have a left branch block.
That's the main diagnosis, but I have many other things wrong with me too. I take one day at a time. You don't know or does the doctor know just how much time you have left, so live life to the fullest and try not to fret.
Your heart sister,
Christine
I want to thank you for your beautiful letter. Faith
has helped me come a long way. I stop to listen to
the birds, smell a flower. I don't take things for
granted like I use to. I am on Lexapro for being
depressed. It helps a lot also.
bingo
Thank you for inspiring me. I also have other things
wrong with me. I thank God for every day he lets
me live. I now take the time to listen to the birds
and to smell the flowers. I take Lexapro for being
depressed. It helps a lot also. Thanks again.
bingo
Ahhh, Yes you are going to die, we all will. However.... what you do with the extra time you have been given is up to you. I have an IDC\PM 3 lead.
CHF and a full 1/3 of my heart is dead meat. Rather calious I know, just the way it is.
So what do I do. Uhm... sit around and feel sorry for myself or my kids who are all very young. Nope. I go out and work everyday. I design Test and Fabrication systems all around the world. Am I afraid ???
I was not anymore. The reason being is that This is no different that any other day. The only real difference is that I am here. And without my tinker toy I wouldn't be. So ehhhh. A cup of coffee and another plane ride and I'm off again.
If you fret about the things you can not change. And by change I mean make them better then they are. Don't. Its a waste of energy and time.
I know that even with my tinker toy I will not live for ever and probably not to the end of the 1st battery. I am sorry for my wife and my children whose futures I hold in teh balance and am trying to make bearable for them. Wen I die it will suck not just for me, cuase I won't be around to see their smiles or touch their faces. Let alone be there to watch them grow. But it will suck big time for them too.
I dont say this with selfish alturisim, but becuase since I got this thing put in me I put more into what we do together even for a minute or a day. I try to be better than my Dad and be the best possible person to my family that I can be. I think they will miss that. But then the sun will rise and set and it will all go on without me. Only I made it a little better while I was here.
I have planted the seeds in my children that we are what we are to the world and nothing is more important than the love we share no matter how long or short.
So go have a cup of coffee enjoy the smell and the taste. Be nice to someone today. A little thing like dieing is just part of being here and now. Soooooo
Have a nice day :)
hay Greg2000,
Thanks you for the beautiful uplifting letter. I
have stopped and taken a better look at my life. It
means a lot more to me now. I went for my six month
check up with my cardiologist today. He told me to
keep doing what I was doing. I have been trying to
lose weight, but it is very hard to do.
I also take care of my mother. She is 81 years old.
She is also my inspiration along with my husband.
I love my husband more now than He is my rock and
he knows it. My son is 30 years old. He thinks he
knows everything. We fight a lot but he is a very
good son. I raised him on my own as his father and
I were divorced. My son has never given me any
real problems.
I have really been blessed. I am blessed every day
that I am able to get up out of bed.
I hope God will bless you and your family.
Bingo
This is for Greg2000.
Will you be my friend? I'd like it if you would.
thanks,
bingo
Today I found out that one of the medronic leads placed in me l-1/2 years ago is broke. I have a pacemaker/defib combo. I have emergency surgery scheduled for tommorrow. Was told in the begining that replacement was risky business and here I am with a broken one that needs replacement The leads I have are on a recall list but was told not to worry that occurrances rarely happen. Well here I am with a broken one. Feeling kinda pissed actually and want to know if anyone else has had this happen.
wva-nboy,
I hope that your surgery went well. I was told that
mine was risky when they put it in the first time.
I just put all of my faith in God and his Angels.
I knew that he would put his loving arms around
me and protect me.
My prayers are with you. Let me know how things
went. I'd like to be friends.
bingo
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