Snow birds and other folks here's a Sunday smile

The Florida Code

When giving directions in Florida , you must always start with the words, "take I-75, take I-4 or take I-95..."

If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of 6 A.M. to 10 A.M. AND 4 P.M. to 7 P.M. This is considered to be RUSH HOUR and you are not in any rush. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Freeways can only go north and south . . . Not east and west.

Tolls are a fact of life, the state has to make money, so deal with it!

I-275 ( Tampa area) will always be under construction ... that's the law and there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!

'A1A' and 'ALT A1A' are the same road.

Traffic lights are not timed and never will be.

We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles.

If you travel more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of Florida without seeing an orange barricade, you're lost!

If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly acceptable to back up!

Every street in Florida has both a name and a number (i.e. Adamo = Rt. 60) just for the heck of it and also for the pleasure we get from reaction of visitors when we give them directions.

Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection eight more go through on yellow, and 4 more on red.

Know the difference between SunPass , Sun Fest, Sun-Sentinel and Sun Trust.

Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual.

Your blinker means nothing.

It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator.

We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you. Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.

When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advanced warning and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix to stock up water, ice, and potato chips.

You know how to spell Okeechobee. There is an Okeechobee Lake , Town, County, Blvd, Street, and Avenue.

A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with someone who already owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches.

You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that everyone else has moved here.

There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost every corner - with more being built every day.

When picking up a woman on South Beach , always check for an Adams apple.

It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.

There is a city called 'The Villages' where 77,000 old people live that all drive golf carts and dance in the streets.

Jupiter is a city, not a planet.

Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays . . not weeknights or weekends . . that's for the working folks.

You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go back up north. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways.

No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be able to figure out your property taxes.

Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside. But inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.

This would be even funnier if it weren't so true.

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Just had to add this one too! A senior moment.....

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the
Newspaper office and loudly demanded to know where her Sunday
Edition was. "Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday.
The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone,
Followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,
"Well, s#!t, that explains why no one was at church either."

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Oh how true !!! Love it !!!! Thanks for the laugh !!!

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Too funny!!! Half of that works for when I lived in California also. Too funny.

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Very useful information! Makes me want to move to Florida!

But, no, I'm staying in the San Francisco area!

I love paying high taxes - after all California is broke and I am responsible for it and I'm going to pay for it! It's only fair!
(No I am NOT Governor Brown, or Schwartzenegger, or Davis, etc...)

We are told that the deficit (which will be paid by reaching into my ever shrinking pocket) will boost the economy... (you know, those shovel-ready jobs and union pensions) but will I live long enough to see this boost? (I doubt it, even with a normal lifespan.)

And now "we" decided to build the first high speed train in the nation! Yes, we are innovative... and who will pay for it? I will, of course! I know that this train will take me from SF to LA in 3 hours - but why would I wanna to go to LA? If I decide to go there, I need a long drive to get used to the idea that I'm going to LA.

Now I'm thinking that moving to Florida has a certain appeal!

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Thanks for the laugh! My mom lived there for years so I hear what you're saying. All true but funny.

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@ Irene. Think I'll move to the Villages. I love the idea of riding around in golf carts and dancing in the streets.

The warning about South Beach and Adam's Apples also applies to people in the Big Apple.

@ Nava, if the Villages don't work out, I'm coming out by you. Heck, if you're going to pay for everything why not? lol


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Bev, you are most welcome here! I don't do golf, but I dance everywhere I can, including the streets!

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I'm glad I wasn't drinking hot liquids when I read this...

Years ago we took our daughters to St.Petes after a stay at Disneyworld. When we checked into our hotel, the concierge greeted us with:
"Welcome to St. Pete's, home of the newly wed and nearly dead."

Then he warned us not to drive at dinner time- and not to assume a green crosswalk signal meant drivers give pedestrians the right-of-way. It was great advice-

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LOL, I'm one of the northern snow birds who go to Florida every winter, I just made my reservation for next year yesterday. Thanks for the laugh!

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see you in Disney after the holidays!

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