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I Can't Believe My Doc Said This To Me!

Boxerlover
0 Recommendations

Because of the sarc, I get tons of kidney stones, have for years. I've been seeing my Urologist for about 16 years. He was the first doc I saw when we first moved here without insurance and he treated me anyway with no charge, even expensive tests. He was always fatherly towards me. He was a big, tall ackward bear type of guy, whose white coat never fit. Now I hadn't see him the last year as the last time I went to the ER with stones a different doc from the practice was on call so I had to see him.

So, I have my appointment, in he walks and if I didn't recognize his voice I would have thought it was a new doc, he had lost weight, had plastic surgery, divorced his wife, had a new girlfriend and apparantly, found God.He wasn't wearing his white coat and even walked differently. He asks what's been going on so I update him. He starts off telling me how important faith is and how it can make a difference and I'm OK with that as I am a believer and then he says No judgement here(uh-oh), but maybe if you looked at the sin in your life you wouldn't be so sick. HUH?!!!!!!!!!!

Did he really tell me I am sick because of something I did??? I was so shocked I didn't even know what to say. He went on to tell me he knew people who were cured of cancer. Ah, OK ????????? Seriously???? What do you say to that? Well of course I have come up with a thousand things to say to that now when it's too late but geez, I sure wish I would have thought of them then. I was so upset I cried all the way home. My husband had a few people hint at that one time when he was at a church thing but I never ever expected it from a doc. He never had said anything even remotely like that when treating me before he was way pro-medicine and wanted to prescribe anything that would help.

Now I am so mad and indignant I don't even know what to do.

Melissa

Explore topics in this discussion:

Cancer Surgery Plaquenil Pain Ketoconazole Kidney stones

32 replies

dollh

Dear melissa,
I am so sorry to hear you had that 'religious' talk from your doctor. I have had that happen before and have seen it happen to others, however, never from a physician. I think that he is way overboard! I'm like you a little word about faith is o.k. from a physician but going that far is just hurtful and offensive. Technically, he is living in sin for divorcing his wife and being with another woman(that is also another very dogmatic belief). If you ever go back to him and he says another word about your 'sin', you could mention his own or quote the scripture" he without sin cast the first stone". Geez what a bummer appointment!! He won't be in practice very long if he talks to all he patients like that. I can understand how you just didn't know what to say. I also would have cried and then thought of all sorts of 'come backs' after the appointment that I could have said.
Take Care and God Bless
Dollh (Sherri)

IreneMarie

Hi Mel,

I'm sorry you were wounded by that hippocrit. Clearly the 'scales' have yet to fall from his eyes.

i'm interested in your condition - how are your Vit D 1,25 and serum and 24hr. urine calciums? Do you take D suppliments? How are your kidneys funtioning? Are you on Pred?

You have earned grace by silently tolerating this fool.
Blessings,
I.

Boxerlover

Hey Sherri, my thoughts exactly. I told my husband if he is talking that way to all his patients, someone is going to report him. Yeah the one about his wife and girlfriend came to me after, and he is living with the girlfriend so that is also a sin if you are quoting from the same bible.

I'm trying how to figure how to deal with him at my next appointment.

IreneMarie, thanks! My overall D was low and my PCP wanted to mess me up by giving me 50,000 I.U.'s of vitamin D. My Nephrologist almost had a cow and called her an idiot!(I agree and need to find a new PCP, She is clueless about sarc. Oddly my 24 hour urines are only high normal yet I produce hundreds of stones. I have some now, passed one the other night and know one of them is too big to pass so will have to have intervention at some point. Kidney function is normal. I could not tolerate the pred so I am on metho and have been for about 8 months.

Thanks for the blessing:-)
Melissa

RWV

Melissa -

I am furious on your behalf! I understand that this man showed you great kindness and consideration in the past, but clearly many things have changed in his mindset and demeanor. He was flat-out wrong and unprofessional to speak to you the way that he did, regardless of his personal religious views. I would encourage you to consider contacting your local and/or state medical associations to report his behavior yourself. It may save someone else the pain and anger you're experiencing now.

Best wishes to you.

Tawney

Melissa

I have faith and think those of us in situations like ours need plenty of it but I think the best thing you can tell your specialist at your next appointment is that your guardian angel told you that you're in a state of grace and God wishes you to continue the same treatment for your kidney stones that you've had in the past. Tell him you're offering your suffering for OTHER people's sins, including his! If that doesn't fit his newer philosophies, it may be time to find a new, kindly doctor.
Best wishes!

SarcoidPrincess

Ok, this really gets me it really does. I would like to think I am a woman of faith. He was walking more with God when he was treating you without insurance and treating you kind than now. Whats he done? He's gone divorced his wife and gotten plastic surgery? Hello!!!!! Listen if thats what you need to do that's fine. But what is HE feeling guilty about that he needs to change everything about himself? I'm a firm believer in leading by example. I go to church I pray I believe. If you look at my life and like what you see and want to know why I'll tell you. But I'm not going to go up to you and tell you this is what you need to do to be happy! And if he has truely found God then he would know that God is LOVE and UNDERSTANDING! And he FORGIVES! So therefore we have not gotten sick for what we have done in our lives. If that was the case every murderer and rapist in jail would be mortaly ill right now! God wants us to be happy bottom line!
I understand you were shocked and didn't know what to say at that moment. But personally, and this is only my personal opinion, I think you are well within your rights to write him a letter and let him know how he made you feel.
A good priest friend of mine has also told me of cancer patients being cured but it was because they prayed not becaused they confessed!

Sorry this really gets to me.
You are good! you are not bad! I'm sorry this shepard has lost his way and took it out on you.

God Bless:)

Boxerlover

RWV, Tawney and Sarcoidprincess, thank you and I agree. I have seriously thought of reporting this but feel I need to address this with him. I will probably write him a letter as I have corresponded with him before when I made a recommendation to him on a professional issue(my profession, not his, he wanted some advice). My other thought is that I did like the other doc I saw in the practice so I could go back to him since he has treated me before.

My thoughts on why he said anything to begin with is he may be a new "convert" and anxious to share his beliefs. I am not making excuses, just trying to look at it from his perspective although that doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. With everything else we all have to deal with with sarc, I really didn't need this.

As a person of faith, he could have shared a whole lot of other things, but one of my pet peeves is when people blame the ill person for being sick because they haven't prayed hard enough or of the "sin" in their life, or because they are not doing enough for the church. My husband got hurt when he went and asked the pastor if he could start a saturday men's group and instead the pastor said he could show his faith by cleaning the church! I told him the next time someone says that you need to be doing something for the church to tell them that with working 60 hours a week and a 10hour week commute and taking care of a sick wife, your vessel is empty and as soon as it's full, you'll be happy to help!

Thanks again!
Melissa

healing

I would report it. That is disgusting. He aught to be ashamed of himself. I have had MANY people say that crap to me, but if I ever heard it from a physician, I'd make sure they never worked another day.

DoreenC

He has violated the code of medical ethics. I have worked in healthcare for 30 yrs, right beside many docs and not one of them has ever violated this ethic.
In fact, one goal we have in treating patients is to alleviate any guilt feelings they may have when they think they've done something wrong on an emotional, spiritual or physical level, in their lives to cause their disease. Any it is all too common for people to think they have messed up somewhere spiritually and emotionally.
In some cases it is true, you get bad lungs from smoking and bad hearts from bad diets etc etc.
I'm outraged.
I know he has been good to you in the past, but at this point he's not the same person. Run for the hills and don't look back. The last thing you need is any emotional wounds when you're trying to take care of your physical ones.
I also agree that you may want to report him. He will not only be saying these things to you, but is leaving a trail of wounded patients by saying the same things to them.

Hugs,
Doreen

BeccaSF

OH the Bible-Thumpers. Their condition should really be included in the DSM.

Report the jerk for violating the code of ethics.

Scarlett54

That would be just the thing to turn you off religion.
Good grief.
Poor thing, (the doc), may never get it no wonder what metamorphosis his image has taken.
Think positive!

theGardener

Next time, help him along on his spiritual journey by quoting Matthew 7:3

"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"

Tashabella

I am really sorry about that, Melissa.

I am a Christian and I believe there's nothing you did to cause this. God is not spiteful like that. There's a reason for everything, but "revenge" from God hasn't been reported since the Bible was written.

A lot of people believe divorce is a sin. I guess he only applies Christian beliefs to others.

Maybe you can find a new and better doctor (like he found a new and better [younger] wife). Sounds like he's lost his mind.

Feel your feelings, but once you have gotten past that, please find someone else who isn't insane. Maybe it's God's wish for you to be with "the doctor" who is really going to help you!

Angelfox

Melissa, so sorry you were hurt by your Dr.
I think you are right. In his zeal as a new believer, he has taken scripture verses out of context and used them in mistake. As a Christian myself the Bible is our guidebook and revelation of God and His love. In Genesis it teaches as a result of the sin of Adam and Eve, sickness and death entered the world. So in that respect sin does cause sickness because of original sin and the fall of man. But God in His love made a way through His Son and that old curse of sin was cancelled. Rest assured, Melissa that your sickness is not caused by your sin. Be blessed, my friend, and know that you are loved by God and don't listen to those who do not have a clue what they are talking about.
Judy

42many

I agree with DoreenC and you should report him!

Bubs

Ok for all those who want the bad Dr to loose his job, that is as bad as he was in saying that we are sick because of our sin in our lives. No one should want a person to be without a job.

Pray for the man that God should open his eyes to his own sin before pointing fingers at others. Pray that he would understand the bible before he can spread the word of God. After all He wants to save everyone from a fallen world even those who offend us.

Read James1v19:27 and also lets not forget the And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.

Mellisa, walk with your head held up high, don't allow weak minded people as in your Dr. to steal your "delight", we are all in the same boat of a fallen world but hey there is nothing stopping us from shining to make this a better world to live in.

I had a friend who passed away just over a year ago and someone told her that she had cancer because of her sin. My friend Joyce had one of the strongest faith and love for God that I knew. She shone for Jesus right up to the day of her passing on.

Have a God blessed day
p.s. go onto youtube and listen to How Great is Our God, and Everlasting by Chris Tomlin...two great songs that help me in times of pain and conflict.

mmwa :)
Bubs

carolAnn2

Wow! I dont know what I would do in that situation. That sounds incredibly akward,and uncomfortable. I would let him know how you feel. Just tell him that you are comfortable with your faith,and are happy he found his,but you would appreciate it if he just stayed your dr. It is not a dr.s job to tell you those things, in fact, some people would be very offended by it. Im surprised he took that chance. If he keeps that up he may end up with a lawsuit on his hands. (not that I agree with that, but some ppl would) He sounds like a great dr. otherwise,and it would be ashame for you to get to the point where you no longer feel comfortable seeing him. I hope this all works out for you!

carolAnn2

Wow! I dont know what I would do in that situation. That sounds incredibly akward,and uncomfortable. I would let him know how you feel. Just tell him that you are comfortable with your faith,and are happy he found his,but you would appreciate it if he just stayed your dr. It is not a dr.s job to tell you those things, in fact, some people would be very offended by it. Im surprised he took that chance. If he keeps that up he may end up with a lawsuit on his hands. (not that I agree with that, but some ppl would) He sounds like a great dr. otherwise,and it would be ashame for you to get to the point where you no longer feel comfortable seeing him. I hope this all works out for you!

Boxerlover

Thanks for the replies everyone!

healing, DoreenC, 42many,BeccSF, trust me on my ride home, I muttered all about reporting his butt all the way to kingdon come! Funny how he also asked if there was anyone I needed to forgive and now I am like Yeah, YOU!!! Well I figure he will say something to the wrong person and he will get reported. I will not do that, but I am going to speak with him next appointment.

Scarlett54, yeah, what a way to witness, blame the poor sick person!

Gardener, thanks for the smile! I am so not good and remembering scripture and that would have been handy!

Tashabella and Angelfox thank you both! I know that I didn't cause anything but it is good to hear it. In my dark hours I have wondered if I did something wrong even though I know for a fact in my head that God does not work that way.

Bubs, I get so indignant when I hear that someone accuses another of getting cancer because of something they did. I was lucky and no one ever said that to me when I was going through mine. But it is just as bad to insinuate it about any illness. And yes, I will keep my head high! Thanks!!

CarolAnn2, yes it was very uncomfortable. And I think what it did was bring back all those years of me saying that I am sick and something is wrong yet they couldn't find anything. I allowed the docs to poo poo what was going on and thought maybe it was all in my head. Once I got diagnosed it was SEE, there was something wrong and thank God I wasn't crazy! I think that is why I was so upset.

I will see how the next appointment goes and if we can't reach an understanding I'll just go to the other doc I saw. They are both good docs so I am OK with that. This is a conversation I never anticipated having with one of my docs!

Melissa

JaynesInPain

Melissa,

How aweful for you. I had a relative imply something similar when I was in ICU at hospital. My response was "so if that's the case what about all the infants & children that are sick?" If they really understood God & knew the Bible they would know that's not how God works. Job was called a rightgeous man by God & he suffered in terrible ways. It also says "time & unforseen occurance befall us all" (Eccles. 9:11) How sad that he chooses to use his faith in such a discouraging way. It is also VERY inappropriate. Perhaps before you're next visit you could send him a letter stating how you really appreciate all the care & help he's given you over the yrs & how you value him as your doctor, however you found your recent appt to be uncomfortable & as you would respect his personal life & would never judge his choices you would also appreciate the same consideration from him in return. Maybe he's feeling so good with his new life he has gotten a little too full of himself. Sorry you had to deal w/that & hope you can resolve the matter.-Jayne

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