Contemplating Life Today

I have had a whirlwind of a summer. Subjects like cancer, concussion, suicide intervention, and now a child with shingles. What more could one ask for? Well I have a friend from twenty years ago. She came into my life and since I have lost touch. She was my Stephen's Minister during what I still see as the toughest challenge I ever went through - protecting my children from further harm.

Point is that she said I was given broad shoulders for a reason. I remember at the time I did not want these shoulders. One evening I spent on the back steps looking at the stars, asking for the truth about my childrens harm...and nothing else. I wrote a letter to my best friend while I sat, smoking cigarettes, writing in the dim light from the house. The letter was written in the spring of 1992. I met my husband of seventeen years now, that summer.

Today this letter is referred to as 'Annie's World'. In it, what I wrote back then, well, suffice it to say, all my dreams have come true...except for winning the lottery. (What does 'suffice it to say' mean? I will have to look this up...)

Sitting here this morning, cup of coffee, in my nightshirt, wanting to just escape from the current challenge, I needed a connection. Mary Kay connected me back to reality. Reminded me to get up and remember that I am here for a reason.

This summer I woke up, literally, 12 plus hours after hitting my head/face on a cement brick retaining wall. I have no memory of the event. None of my friends saw what happened. SVT? Vagal manuever causing me to faint? Not a trip...no defensive wounds at all. Was it dehydration? I was squatting down per one friend's account. We were in her backyard, just back from a street fair. They realized I had not rejoined them, and saw me on the gound and blood everywhere. The next morning, 12 hours later, when I started wigging out, asking where my glasses were, feeling my bloody puffed out face, they blanky stared at me and said 'you don't remember?'

This happened on July 11th, and it was July 12th I woke up. It took me four more hours to express verbally that I was not 'right'. By the time I was in the ER the most scariest first hours had passed and I was lucky to be alive. I couldn't even spell the town I live in. My RN mom took over answering their questions and filling out the forms I was staring at.

Today I am functioning with weird, but kind of funny, leftovers of the concussion. Writing this makes my brain hurt!!! At times, I write goofy spellings of words, and can be slow to form responses that are brand new data from my brain. Past history comes pooring out...current takes some time to spit it out. My husband loves the new 'speechless' when confronted me!!!! We have found humor and laughter the best way to deal with this 'different' me.

O2 Annie