"You Can't Have That or You'd Be Dead By Now!"

For a little bit of fun (I figured we could use it) I thought I'd start a collection of ridiculous comments from doctors that we've all received as we tried to get a diagnosis. I'll kick off the list with a couple of my favorites...

"You can't have that or you'd be dead by now."

"You ask too many questions -- I have other patients."

Psychiatrist's note in file: "Likes to collect diagnoses."

"I thought you had that, but I didn't order the test to prove it because you're on medications that would interfere with the test."

"You can expect your health decline as you get older." (I was 30.)

"I'm sure if we locked you in a closet you'd stop eating and lose weight."

"I'm not familiar with how the test is done -- I just know you have to have it."

From a pain management specialist: "You're telling me that you have pain all over your body. What do you expect me to do for that?!"

"Perhaps it's time to consider that you don't have any more options."

I went to a neurologist because a brain tumor was suspected. He refused to give me an MRI or any kind of test, and wrote in his note to my doctor "There's nothing neurologically I can do for her."

"You can't just go from doctor to doctor and expect them to help you... I'm going to refer you to..."

"The only thing that's going to cure you is gastric bypass surgery." (I had Cushing's Disease -- it the surgery didn't kill me I would have still continued to gain weight uncontrollably.)

I said to the doctor "I told the nurses I had recent surgery." and he replied "It doesn't matter what you told the nurses who admitted you -- they don't know what they're doing."

"I don't know why I had you come in -- looking at your lab reports there's really nothing I can do for you." (The bill for the visit was $185.)

And my all time favorite -- "You'll have to ask a (insert name of another specialist) about that."

I'm looking forward to reading your additions to the list!

Ellen

By natalie13
Posted today at 7:51 am
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I have shared lots of these comments and still am but the best so far comes after years of complaining of terrible pain in lower abdomin and being told that the only thing there is my ovary and it is fine
After insisting on a second laparoscopy, (dr said they were 100% and nothing would be found if 1st one was clear) the discovery of adhersions to my bowel and abdomin wall were found caused by inflamation, my competent! GP stands up and points to the area i have been stating for years and said '' you would have been having pain, just here''
so not just my ovarys there then?
and he says its not related to other symptoms of joint pain even though it all started the same time, without even checking or testing! Incompent, lazy or not wanting to be wrong?

By jhewels2
Posted November 21, 2009 at 12:33 pm
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I have Dercum's Disease diagnosed at 40 and when I had severe leg pain as a child I also was told that it was growing pains by my mom. But I have not seen my sisters growing up or any other child since including my own sob and complain of pain like I did as a child. which is what keep me searching throught out the years because I knew deep down inside something was wrong and it was not growing pains. kids don't make up that kind of pain and don't lie so if sombody is suffering from alot of pain don't asume it is growing pains.

By MV
Posted November 20, 2009 at 9:43 am
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Having had a similar test before which caused intense pain as it put presure inside the intestines. I begged the doctor for pain killers or to put me out for it.

Doctor: "What! Are you afraid you are going to die? It is just pain it is not like we are killing you. You don't need pain killers or to be put out for this test."

Doctor:"It is not like your intestines are going to burst, you just have IBS and need to deal with it. You would be amazed at how much they can stretch"

Doctor:"Ah yes that is a vagal response your describing. I can make that happen while giving you an endoscopy by over inflating your intestines. Your intestines cramping can cause this." <_<
Me:"So.... since my intestines were not cramping at the time why did this happen and how could something squeezing in press on something outside of it? Are you suggesting my vaga nerve runs through my intestine?" O_o
Doctor:"Again, you have IBS and need to deal with it. I beleive you would benefit from antidepressants." -_-

(Urachal Cyst was causing and intestinal obstruction unless forced open.. until it burst.. Then the constant inflamation caused a partical.)

/New Doctor/

Doctor:" You want to be checked for a what? ... I see.. I will be right back...(5 minutes later).. You would know if you had that because you would likely have... (as in everyone knows this diagnosis)... and this just doesnt happen..." LOL (he could not admit not knowing..)

By hart2448
Posted November 13, 2009 at 12:03 pm
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These comments are the best!!!!!!! If they weren't so sad they'd be hysterical... but sad they are! I have experienced sooooooooo many I can't begin to list them all but here's my all time favorite. My husband was beginning to experience memory problems at age 55 and I took him to a dementia specialist at a prominent hospital. After going into great detail explaining every change I had seen in my husband involving his behavior and language, the doctor looked me straight in the face and asked me if he ever walked up to strange women and tried to seduce them. I was too shocked to respond. I was speechless. Seems like I might have mentioned that if it had been one of the behavior changes I had noticed! LOL After doing lots of research I learned why he asked the question as some dementias can cause that to happen but there certainly must have been a better way to phrase the question.

Another favorite is when my husband developed a rash all over his back. The doctor told me that's what happens when you change laundry detergent... I hadn't changed laundry detergent. Seems like it would have been a good idea to first ask "if I had changed laundry detergent".

By smilesr1
Posted November 12, 2009 at 2:18 pm
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Here are a few of my favorites:

I was 40 wks pregnant with my 3 (my due date) and went to the L&R because I was in labor. After a couple of hours the nurse says I'm not in labor, that I'm dehydrated and they're sending me home. 2 hours later I delivered my daughter!

I've also heard from my doctors that I'm a mystery or that I'm a challenge and that they've never seen anyone so young with my symptoms (apparently only old people how moke for years have my symptoms). I don't smoke.

Earlier this summer I went to the ER (out of state- dh and I were house hunting) for chest pain and difficulty breathing. Told the doctor we know it's not pneumonia, he comes in to tell me, "You have pnuemonia!" Um, no idiot, I just had a bronchosopy done a week earlier and was told by my pulmonologiest that it is most definately NOT pneumonia. He put me on antibiotics anyway.

I've had my PCP ask me what COP was because he's never heard of it.

When I tell (new) doctors that I have COP, they write down that I have COPD. Um no not the same disease and I don't smoke! I now say I have COP/BOOP so doctors don't confuse me with someone with COPD.

Doctor- How many times do you have pneumonia?
me- about 4-6 times a year.
Doctor- That's not normal, here's your prescription for antibiotics. Have a nice day.
WTH?!

I have more, but those are the only ones I can think of off the top of my head.

As for how did doctor's get through med school- just by barely passing! I'm back in college and the median grade in my classes is 82. Passing is a 60! Think about it. If a doctor only needs to have a 60 to pass, doesn't take a genuis to graduated and get a job, especially since there is such a huge need for doctors. Most people think a 2.5 GPA is good!

By adriennebeth1
Posted November 12, 2009 at 12:05 pm
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Thankyou for sharing your list...I have suspected cushings and have heard them all. My favorite is when you are sick and call the doctor they say theres nothing they can do..go to the emergency room.

By curlygurl68
Posted October 19, 2009 at 4:08 pm
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Oh, this is fun. My turn. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome but wasn't diagnosed until just last year (age 40!) and I have had a very strange medical history to say the least.
In my late teens I had episodes of terrible cramps and pain on my right side. At one point my mother took me to the ER thinking it might be an appendicitis. The ER doc told her, "It's growing pains." and sent us home. No exam, no blood work. By 18 I couldn't raise my right arm above my head because of the terrible pulling sensation inside. I mentioned it to my GYN and she does a physical exam, immediately orders an ultrasound, and the next thing I know I'm under the knife. Turns out I had a dermoid (primordial twin with teeth, hair, nails) and it had grown to the size of an extra large grapefruit all the while feeding on me! Gross! I lost my right ovary, fallopian tube and it did quite a bit of damage. My GYN gushed, "Wow, I've read about them in medical school, but I never thought I'd actually get to see one!" Good for you. Then her associate started to march all of their interns through my room and discuss me as if I weren't there, lifting my gown to better view the incision until I freaked out.
A few years before that I broke all of the bones across the front of my left foot while I was walking. That is all I was doing, walking down the street. No one believed me. Not my parents, not the doctors in the ER. "You can't just break your foot for no reason." Well, if all of your ligaments and tendons are like loose rubber bands you can, and I did. For most of my life I have been complaining to my GP of the same symptoms: I hurt all over, my joints hurt all of the time. They keep treating me for depression. But the only thing that depresses me is how much I hurt. Having Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome means damage to joints and early onset of arthritis. HMMmm? Could constantly hyperextending my joints since birth be contributing to my hurting all over?

By itzykitty
Posted October 19, 2009 at 7:22 am
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How about this one: You can not have Fibromyalgia....It is really a made up disease by us doctors because we dont know what to call the pain everyone has!.... And this one....I had lost ten pounds in three days in the hospital (I was hospitalized for severe edema) The doctor walks in and says: It is all hormonal, and you should go on a diet. He aso told me if I wouldnt walk into the hospital looking so beautiful they woud actually believe me!

By arlene212
Posted October 17, 2009 at 1:22 pm
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I quit my regular doctor after many years when he said,"What kind of pills do you want"? You are a puzzle"
Found another doctor, am still a puzzle.

By caringcounterparts
Posted October 17, 2009 at 11:37 am
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I have a few more to add:

Rheumatologist after poking me all over and seeing I'm in great pain (I practically leapt of the table when he grabbed my foot which hurt the worst): "The best thing I can recommend is trying to walk a little bit more every day to lose weight."

I asked the same rheumatologist: "Do you have access to a medical database that I wouldn't have access to that might provide answers?" Answer: "Why when you have the Internet?"

Rheumatologist at Cedars Sinai: "You don't have that - it's too rare."

Rheumatologist at Wake Forest after probing painful lumps all through my neck: "There are only two or three rheumatic conditions that cause the kind of pain you're describing, and you don't have them." (I don't know how he knew - he hadn't drawn any blood or done any other tests.) "Have you seen a psychiatrist?" (Asked me three times.) And "Why the tears? Are you depressed? If you had Sjogrens, you wouldn't be crying right now." (Two weeks later I travelled to see a rheumatologist I trusted, was diagnosed with Sjogren's, put on the medication I knew I needed, and the pain in all my joints went away.)

I wish I had the time and felt up to writing advocacy letters to all of these doctors and their administrators and quality boards and state health boards to let them know how often they let us all down!! and long letters of appreciation to all of the doctors who finally take us seriously and get it right!!!

Ellen
http://www.bulletpointblog.com

By bornagain
Posted October 17, 2009 at 11:27 am
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Ellen, I have another one from this GI specialist.

Do you have a psycharist? Do you see one? Have you been diagonised with anything?"

I never went back to this jerk. I reported him.

By caringcounterparts
Posted October 17, 2009 at 11:25 am
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Nan and Cathy,

Diabetics use a product that might help - a gel pack called FRIO that they get wet, and then it stays cold all day (to keep their insulin cold when they're travelling). Perhaps they could make garments out of it...

http://www.medicool.com/diabetes/diabetes_travel_frio.php

Ellen
http://www.bulletpointblog.com

By bornagain
Posted October 17, 2009 at 11:13 am
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Ellen,
Thank you for starting this disscussion...I am amazed how "dumb" doctors can be. I have often wondered how they made it through med school. He is one to add to your list.

I went to a GI specialist with abdominal pain. I was hurting in my pancreas.. I was told by this doctor on two visits the following:

"That is not your pancreas..your pancreas is in your back" (Other doctors confirmed it was my pancreas)

"You have a mystery illness that doctors have never heard of before"...that is my favorite..LOL
(I was thinking, what planet are you from)

By DrMary
Posted October 17, 2009 at 12:19 am
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OMG, have I got some doozies for you guys!

Let's see:

There was the orthopedic surgeon who told me the pain in my knee was all in my head. Had surgery a few months later to remove torn cartilage.
There was the ER doc who told me my baby was fine. Had a D&C the next night for a miscarriage.
There was the ER doc who told me I just had a sprained ankle. Was told 3 days later that I had a blowout fracture.
Then when my husband started passing out 8 to 12 times a day, we started a fun round of neurologists for the next two years. The first one said it was epilepsy. The second said it was panic attacks. The third said it was migraines. The fourth went back to the panic attack theory. We became sick of seeing neurologists so we made an appointment with an internal medicine specialist. He called my husband the "most interesting patient I've ever had." However, he did start doing things different from everyone else. He also ordered the first CT scan in two years, after my husband presented with a severe, days-long headache and paralysis down the right side. We were in the university medical center the next day getting ready for them to do surgery to remove an abscess.
This was when things got really interesting. My husband has achalasia. Has had it since he was 16. At age 29, the valve at the top of his stomach was destroyed so he could swallow food. His esophagus is the size of a coke can in diameter. Something was seen in one of the x-rays, and they were very concerned about it, which delayed his brain surgery. They saw his esophagus. If anyone had thought to ask, we could have solved the problem and he could have had his surgery on that Friday. As it was we ended up waiting until the following Tuesday. By that time he'd been on the "shotgun" approach for antibiotics (4 different ones) by IV for 4 days and they weren't able to culture anything from the abscess to determine what caused it.
Ah, but wait, it wasn't over! He had masses of doctors in his room at times (it was a teaching hospital). Even the infectious disease folk were fascinated. They all insisted that the abscess could not have been there for two years. (What was the "minor abnormality" on his MRI two years previously?) But in the end, they decided if his symptoms disappeared after surgery, then it must have been the abscess. Bingo!
The one that nearly got someone killed was the nurse the afternoon my husband was moved out of ICU. He asked for pain medication, e.g. morphine. He was actually due a dose. She came in and said he couldn't have any. Her next question was, "What do you normally do for pain?" My husband replied, "If I could take what I normally take for pain, I wouldn't BE HERE!"
Almost 2 years after the surgery, my husband developed epilepsy from scar tissue on the brain. This much is not in question. However, the first neurologist he went to see was an idiot. My husband was on dilantin and sleeping 20 hours per day. We were told that seizure meds don't have side effects. Um, okay. Then his meds were changed a couple more times and he was put on Keppra. We called that "evil in a bottle." His neurologist said that it didn't do that. Fortunately, he was on vacation when my husband was put in the hospital for a week-long seizure study. The doc who took care of him knew that Keppra has a tendency to change people's personalities for the worse and took him off it. Phew!
Now back to me. I have Isaac's Syndrome. My GP of all people, figured it out. A neurosurgeon and a neurologist both told me there was nothing they could do for me, and there was nothing wrong. Interesting that tegretol works to stop my cramps and twitches, isn't it? I'm gonna hate it when I move away from here!

I'm sure I have more, but these are the best ones!

By karenh31712
Posted October 12, 2009 at 1:01 pm
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How about this one: after years of struggling through one thing after the other, hospitalization again and again my gastroenterologist ordered the "stain test" on several internal biopsies. When the pathologist report came back saying systemic mastocytosis the Dr said ' well that's what they say but I don't believe that you have that disease - it is way too rare to happen'

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