july 1, 2008
i should have started this journal a long time ago. showing all the frustration and hell i went thru to find a good team. how much support i got from quite unexpected sources, and how little i got from those i thought closest to me.
now, here i am, on my second day of chemo/radiation. i am amazed at the level of care and concern on the part of my team. yet still a bit scared because i havent talked to the surgeon on my case. im told he is one of the 2 best in the state. thats comforting, yet scary too. i dont know why. maybe because of all the fears the past 2 lousy teams have instilled in me. guess i just need to hear it from the horses mouth so to speak.
2 days of chemo/radiation, and the side effects were not what i expected at all. no nausea, just some sore throat, and a nasty headache, and now this pain in my shoulder where the tumor is. tomorrow, ill chat it up with the docs and nurses and see what they say.
i have a completely non rational fear of needles. as a result, the nurses have been kind enough to leave the same iv in my hand capped of course, for treatment for a max of 3 days. takes my sticks down to 2 per weeks instead of 5 minimum. i have such shitty veins, they collapse or inflitrate every time. these nurses are the first to get it the first time. im nominating them for sainthood. i really had no idea what fatigue was before this all started. and i am supposed to be starting and managing a new business on this stuff? i must be nuts!!
how completely blessed i am. some folks get run over by a bus. never get to tell their loved ones, just how much they are loved, or how much they have given to those that are leaving this earth. how lucky i am to have been given this chance to set my priorities straight...to have been given the chance to watch the sun go down on the top of red rock....and to have climbed the ascent of the alamo.
thank you god....for caring for this faithless servant so abundantly.